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Depression, anxiety & a toxic break up

Bondsie89
Community Member

Hi Everyone,

Much like alot of us here , I'm a bit lost and not sure where to turn to at this point.

I've known for years i've had depression, generalised anxiety, and alot of OCD tendencies lately that I've attributed to stress.

I'm going through a really heinous break up, which is exacerbating all of the above. My ex was verbally abusive, mentally degrading, gaslighting and controlling. After 2 years of ups and downs, and one particularly unforgiveable fight where she smashed several house items, punched the walls, and put her fist through a photo of us - then told me it was because i made her mad, I decided to get my stuff and stay with my sister. The ex sent nearly 300 messages being abusive, telling me to leave, everyone hates me, im miserable, im not depressed i just thrive on pity ect

I was too scared to lodge a police report because i wanted to handle it civilly , and we had just purchased a dog together and i knew she would hold it over my head and lever let me see my pup again.

She wouldnt let me take the dog. And now, because i refused to go to couples counselling with her because I have had enough, shes threatened to come and take my dog who is in my name, tried to embarrass me publicly by messaging friends and family telling them what she thinks about me, and has spent the last 4 hours sending further abusive and nasty messages. I dont respond to which she gets nastier and nastier.

Im at the end of my rope. I'm sick of living in fear and worrying and feeling anxiety and sick when the phone rings or buzzes. I feel like im being over dramatic but i can't handle it anymore.

Does anyone have any expertise to offer or tell me where I should have posted this?

Thank you

2 Replies 2

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Bondsie89,

Firstly welcome to the forums, although I’m so sorry to hear about your situation 😢 Your post resonated with me a lot as I was in a similar situation as you at one time. I was in an abusive relationship for many years and was called every name under the sun, told I was worthless, made to question my sanity, and slowly broken down over time. like you, I finally got the courage to leave as I just knew it wasn’t right and found that the behaviors escalated in the immediate period after I left. It’s that loss of control that sends them into a spiral. These people are toxic and you just need to do whatever you can to get them out of your life. If they want to go around and speak badly of you, let them, people will ultimately see through them. I think now is a good time to just be gentle with yourself, do some things you love, see some family and friends, people who are close to you and you trust and slowly start to rebuild your life and recover.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Bondsie, and welcome to the site, thanks for posting your comment and putting you in an awkward situation but there is help out there for you, and as Juliet has said 'people will ultimately see through them', and although this may seem to be impossible, some people believe they can gain power through their own belief of inaccurate information and can usually backfire on them.

I know with OCD this can make it so very difficult for you to try and get on with your life, creating unwanted and intrusive thoughts that will prevent you from your daily activities, as I also have OCD and know what actually happens.

Are you able to change phone numbers, I know that you have to contact those with the new numbers, just as long as you can trust them not giving away this number to her.

Block her email address and sorry I forgot, you can block her phone calls on your mobile so you can move forward, because you may have intense feelings of something awful goings to happen and have constant doubts and often seek reassurance from others, but sometimes this won't stop any obsessions or what compulsions you are struggling with.

It only makes your situation much more difficult, I'm sorry, but the people she does manage to contact presumably know what type of personality she has and may try to avoid her.

Couple counselling would only make her out to the one who is being mistreated and I think you have made the best decision, to avoid it, otherwise, it may only make your situation worse and that's certainly not what either you or any of us want to happen.

If you have the time it would be good to hear back from you.

Take care.

Geoff.