Depressed living with parents

[BlueCacti0111]

Whenever my dad feels pressured or stressed, he lashed out at us. He would break things and scream and insult us and wont even admit he had an outburst afterwards. All the gaslighting and guilt tripping, emotional and verbal abuse, he either thinks its normal, or just denies it ever happened.

Whenever i try to tell them im upset they dont take it seriously. My parents are very busy people. And i often feel like im troubling them.

So I closed myself off when I was a teenager, It has become a habit, and its so hard for me to talk about how i feel to anyone even when I know that I should. I feel a lump in my throat when I try to speak up. Im 24 now but honestly, nothing much has changed.

I think i've been holding things in for far too long, Ive been crying almost everyday during the past 2 months.

I know they dont want me to move out, but the thought of living with them for however much longer sends me straight into a mental breakdown.

Im saving money so I can move out, I havent had a proper conversation with them about this yet. And Im scared to. Theres probably going to be a huge fight or a long period of guilt tripping.

I really need some time to just be by myself. I do have hobbies, and my friends and coworkers are nice. But I can feel myself drifting further and further away.

I think Im wasting time, i could be doing the things I love but i seriously dont have the mental energy anymore.

[Sophie_M]

Dear BlueCacti0111,
 
Firstly, welcome to the forums we are so glad that you found your way to this supportive and welcoming community. We hope that you find ideas, options and support from the shared experiences and knowledge of all our members. We hope you can recognize the strength you have shown and wish to acknowledge that nobody deserves to be abused regardless of how the other person is feeling stress or otherwise, thank you for having the courage to share your story.
 
From what you have expressed it sounds as though getting out and having a safe space of your own would be best, regardless of the potential for “a huge fight or a long period of guilt tripping”. You have closed yourself off and had to suppress these feelings since your teens and it is justifiable to want to make a positive move and protect your own mental health.
 
In the meantime, we hope that you feel safe and supported outside of your home, have you engaged with your G.P to discuss your low mood? We are so pleased you have a rich social network and hope that you are finding comfort in their support and friendships.
 
Please remember if you feel you need to talk or honestly do just need a chat, please contact Beyond Blue either via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
 
If you have not engaged with them before we would also recommend Kids helpline on 1800 55 1800 or at https://kidshelpline.com.au/ . This service is available to anyone 25 years old and under.
 
If at any point you no longer feel safe with your dad ‘lashing out’ we urge you to contact emergency services on 000.
 
We hope that you find the support and direction that you are seeking on the forums. Once again, we are so glad you have joined the forums and we hope that you feel welcomed into the community. 
 
Warm regards
Sophie M