Dealing with Teenagers

[T40]

I have 2 teenage kids age 20 and 18 years. Since its holiday for them they are at home everyday (one works casual job) and just on social media, digital entertainment all day. Occasionally they go out with friends, the trouble is they are in bed until 10 am every day, eating when ever they feel like and don't want to do any house chores and lots of reminders which is frustrating and causing lot of headache for me. They tell me they should be left alone - the way they want to live their life which I don't agree with. This is resulting in lots of arguments. I would like to hear your thoughts - I am wrong here? Am I being a helicopter parent? or do I just have to learn to ignore their habits and way of living?

[Guest_7403]

If they want to do what they like when they want....get a job and move out.

I wouldn't put up with that crap, it's your house...they just live in it

[jess334]

Hi T@40,

I don't have teenage kids, but I was 1 of 4 kids and all of us lived at home with mum for some time after we turned 18.

In our house, once we left school we had to pay board, although it was only $50 per week. So we all had part time or casual jobs. However I know this kind of work is a lot harder to come by at the moment, especially if your kids are studying and cannot commit to a lot of shifts.

We also were required to help out around the house, cleaning cooking etc. However this started from a much earlier age.

On the other side of the coin, my mums partner had adult kids at home too (in a separate house) and he just left them alone to do what they wanted. He also didn't clean up after them, buy groceries or cook for them, or anything else. It worked for him. It would have driven my mum crazy.

I think it's definitely your decision about how to run your household. If you feel as though your kids aren't pulling their weight then yes, do something about it.

I think helicopter parenting is about not allowing your kids to have experienced on their own. Setting rules and boundaries is different.

Kind thoughts,

Jess

[quirkywords]

T@40,

Welcome to the forum.

This is as you can see a caring, friendly and supportive place.

It is a while since my children were teenagers but like Jess they all had jobs or were studying and helped a bit around the house.

I am wondering what your teenagers are like when not on holidays . Are they studying and more cooperative around the house. . I am thinking are they just relaxing during their holidays but during term time they study or work hard.

I agree with Jess it is your house and you set the rules and boundaries .

it is hard being a parent as you love them so much but by teaching them to be responsible and to become adults you are showing how much you love them

Quirky

Quirky

[T40]

Thanks all for your lovely supporting comments. Needed little assurance that I wasn't wrong and I know now where I stand.

[Frizzled]

I can totally understand and I am in the same situation. My children are so disrespectful and lazy around the home. Very disrespectful to me, speaking to me as though I am a parasite. I ask nicely a few times to get things done then end up shouting. Then they say all I do is shout at them. I am blown away by how selfish my children are in the home, especially as I raised them differently and I just don’t know where it all went wrong. I kicked them out eventually at age 18 after many many warnings and now just one lives at home, but is still the same as the others and she is nearly 18 and suggests I should kick her out too like the ‘good mother I am’. All I can say is I send you big hugs from another broken mother. X