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dealing with an alcoholic girlfriend and mental health issues

Community Member

hi all its been a long time since i have been here

i have been dealing with loads of mental health issues for such a long time that i cant even say when they all started - definitely over 10 years ago, i have long time absolutely horrible insomnia and im lucky if i can get 5 hours sleep each night most of the time its 4 or under, up and down depression that follows my insomnia (when i can get sleep i feel much better about things) as well as a bit of anxiety that is manageable

it has been a long road but up until about 3 years ago i was starting to manage things, i was in no way "better" but i had an understanding of myself my needs and what i need to do - i dont know the right words but im sure theres a few people out there that know what i mean.

3 years ago i met my girlfriend and she was fairly upfront that she drank a lot and as someone who likes the occasional drink (not too much though to keep the insomnia under control) i thought "cant be too bad" but i was wrong

my girlfriend is an alcoholic - she drinks 4x5ltr casks of wine in around a week or less and she just drives me totally bonkers, we argue and fight almost non stop when she is drunk which i can honestly handle as i know its the alcohol because we get along so well before she starts to drink again in the afternoon

what i am struggling with however is that she also keeps me up until crazy hours (4am+) which is destroying me as i cant just sleep in like she does - one time i kept her up after her antics going until 4am (i know it was the wrong thing to do but i was pretty angry at the time) when she tried to sleep and she went mental at me and blamed me for everything and told me its my own fault i cant sleep (i could get into more detail but i dont think its needed)

she is also has medical issues and is on medication (trying to be vague as possible to be as anon as possible) as well as takes drugs and smokes a lot - she easily gets addicted

she doesnt want help she doesnt want to even try i am a very patient and understanding person after going through what i have been through but even i am losing my patience, i have no money left credit cards are maxed my overdraft is maxed and i recently lost my job because the company i worked for went broke and as a cherry on top a close cousin recently died from alcohol

i know the advice will most likely be to leave, but i cant do it i dont want to give up on her like many have given up on me

how can you help someone who doesnt want help?

3 Replies 3

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello PPE, under the circumstances it's nice to see you back and understand your problem.

Yes, it would be easy for me to say to leave her but that's not what you want, so I won't.

It must be awful to only get 4 hours of sleep a night, I definitely couldn't survive on that, but the concerns are as I see it, is that you have no money left, your cards that are maxed out and she doesn't want to get any help, but after drinking all that alcohol she wouldn't have any memory of what was said the night before.

No one wins an argument when they have been drinking and no one remembers what they said or what the outcome was, so when she decides to drink then you can go your own way or vice-versa, it's not that you're leaving her it's just when she drinks because you being drawn into the alcohol debate, probably not about anything serious, but when intoxicated it becomes serious.

She is also taking drugs and this maybe during the day before she starts drinking alcohol, but at the moment you aren't strong enough to handle all of this because waking up the next morning and realising you've had a fight then starts the day feeling uncomfortable.

If she doesn't want any help, doesn't stop you from getting it and your doctor can give a 'mental health plan', this entitles you to 10 free sessions per year to see a psychologist.

By you getting the help may encourage her to get it as well, and that's showing your strength returning.

Hope to hear back from you.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello PPE , I'm interested to see how you are going.

Only reply if you want to.



Thank you very much for your time reading my post and replying

Eveything is still going down the drain, my dog which was my best mate for 18 years recently died and I have had to sell pretty much everything I own just to keep my head above water - I haven't had any kind of internet access for a while I only recently was able to get some credit on my phone

Things are pretty much the same with my girlfriend except now I think she is starting to see how everything is destroying me mentally but she hasn't changed any of her ways

My girlfriend says she wants to quit drinking but she says if she does she thinks it could kill her - not in a suicidal way but in a withdrawal kind of way, I don't know much about alcoholism (except I lost my cousin to it) but surely this isn't so?

Im ok I'm not going to do anything like hurt myself but I'm tired... Like really tired and just run down and I just feel like a weak person for not being able to handle this, I have always been proud of being a good person and I do anything for any of my friends/family but I can't see any way to help her

Im going to see a doctor soon and maybe get some psychological help, I haven't been able up until now because of issues I have had with Centrelink and without a health care card and money i just couldn't afford to see my own doctor (I find it hard to talk to anyone else and they only bulk bill with a HCC)

I think I'm here just to vent.. I don't know