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Dealing with a toxic mother

Community Member

How to deal with a toxic mother?


Ive been with my partner for just over 3 months now. She knows i have a partner now. She never asks about him (doesnt ask about me or my son either though), has never met him (doesnt even try to see my son or i) and she openly talks sh!t about my partner (and me) to others fully aware that my son (12) knows whats going on and reports it back to me when he sees something.


Tonight i had my partner over, the three of us went to have Christmas photos together and went out for dinner too, was a great night! 

But it was spoiled, for me at least, at the beginning when my son mentioned that my mum was messaging her friend calling my partner, that shes NEVER met, a d!(khead. He says he doesnt care what people say about him, but i do. Especially when its a blood relative saying it, your mother saying it..

In the family group chat she openly b!/(hes about how im not cooking for Christmas day this year, simply because i cannot afford to nor do i have the time. Little does she know that ive had multiple mental breakdowns in the last few weeks, have been on workers comp for almost 4 months so not earning my usual wage right now, im stressed about how im going to afford my sons high school stuff which includes a 1700$ laptop! Plus loads more, because she doesnt ask about us. Immediately jumps to "poor me, now im going to have to cook everything myself" or another one she said the other week "poor (my sons name) must feel pushed aside now she has a pr!ck hanging off her hip". 


I just want to cut her out completely. Pack up and leave Sydney. Adopt a new mum.


Ive always wanted a mum who i have a close mother/daughter relationship with but each day, each week, each month, she reminds me of why she will never be that to me.

My partners mum has been that more to me in the couple months ive know her than what my mum has ever been.

And i guess thats one reason id love more kids, if it was a girl i could potentially have that mother/daughter relationship...


Tips on dealing with this? What ive been doing is not replying to most of her texts because i find when i do it just gives her more reason to blow up more about nothing at all. It really does seem as though the only way she will be happy is if she has full control over us..

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi MissJ94,

Some people are lucky enough to be born into a loving family and feel nurtured by them. Unfortunately, the people who end up coming to these forums were not that lucky.


I grew up in a dysfunctional family and have had a lot of unpleasant situations to deal with. My sister was by far the worst, narcissistic, manipulative, vengeful etc. I made the decision to move far away and leave no forwarding address because the situation was so toxic. For me, that was the best decision.


I don't know what the best decision is for you. I think at the end of the day, when it comes to family, and even friends, we have to ask ourselves what the positive and negatives are to having a particular person in our lives. You also have a son to consider in that decision and what he would feel so please make sure you include him in any thoughts you may have. Having more children won't help with this situation because it needs to be healed within you. Whatever decision you make, you need to be comfortable and at peace with the decision you have made.


I hope this helps a little.

I will be here if you want to talk some more,


Missj94I It is so sad to read about your mum and how she treats you. 
i agree with indigo that your sins feeling will be taken into consideration.

I am glad you get on with your bfs mum.  
so e people can appear toxic but they also be depressed . only you can.make a decision about what to do . Take care and thsnks for sharing your experience .