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Daughter of an narcissistic mother

Community Member

I am a 33 year old female who was raised by a narcissistic mother. She was and is a hard woman to please hardly anything I ever did was good enough or to her high standards. Growing up she had high expectations of me which a majority of the time were not healthy. She was not affectionate in showing love. During my teens is when I realised that her love was conditional. My narcissistic mother always jumped at the chance to boast to others taking credit for my successes/achievements in my life.

The last past 3 years when I still lived with my narcissistic mother most of time I use to argue with her as she was too controlling and did not respect me, my boundaries or my belongings. It felt suffocating as she would always threaten me verbally or physically (which I stood up for myself). She has made me think and feel guilty as to why she is the way she is. I dreaded going on outings with her as most of the time she would jokingly/intentionally say negative comments about me in front of family, friends even strangers.

As of April this year I put my foot down and ‘broke the chains’ and finally decided to move out from staying with her (narcissistic mother) and move back to my Dads. Now that I have set boundaries I try and limit my contact with her. I have come to the realisation that she can not change. I know the daughter, mother relationship we had/have is tumultuous and toxic.

I’m slowly regaining my ‘self’ my journey to being healed is an ongoing process that will take time, as I know I will have to learn/relearn healthy habits for the betterment of my mind, body and soul.

2 Replies 2

Community Member
Hey roadtoselflove86,

I’m so sorry that you had to deal with so much from a young age. It is heartbreaking that your mum hasn’t been able to provide you with the love and support that you deserve. This kind of treatment is hard to take from anyone, but when it is from a parent who is supposed to love you unconditionally, it can be unbearable. However, reading your post, I am encouraged by how eloquently you express yourself and how much maturity you have shown in this situation. Even though it may seem easy from an outsider’s perspective, it can be very difficult to leave the familiar environment you grew up in to have a better life. You clearly have an understanding of the negative impact your mother’s behaviour has on your mental health, and have made a courageous decision to change that. I am really happy to hear that you have put in some physical and emotional boundaries to look after yourself, and are now living with your dad. This new journey of self-discovery will take time, but it will be beautiful as you realise that your mother’s actions are in no way a reflection of who you are as a person. I wish you all the best as you begin this next chapter of your life, and remember to always be kind to yourself, and stay strong with your boundaries even in those moments when it seems too difficult.

Take care,

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi roadtoselflove86,

Well done of having boundaries in place and breaking the chains of your narcissistic mother. That takes courage and guts. Also kudos for recognising the signs of a narcissistic person and not allowing yourself to get sucked in by them.

It sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders.

Your story is encouraging and lets others out there know that you can in fact stand your ground and don't have to allow these ppl control over your life.

Thankyou for sharing,

Take care 🙂