daughter moved back home , not going well
This situation sounds really difficult and frustrating. Your daughter not helping or appreciating what you do for her is rough, and the boyfriend who stays over doesn't seem to be helping the situation. While some of this behaviour is common for a teen, it does not mean it is inevitable.
Here are two previous forum threads that, while not the same as your situation, have advice and insights you may find useful:
This link may be useful, though it is general in nature:
Sorry I don't have personal advice for you. I'm not yet a parent myself.
Thank you for posting. I'm not a parent either but I came across your post and wanted to reply. I'm sorry that your daughter is giving you such a hard time and it sounds like she is being very disrespectful towards you.
My assumption from reading your post is that if she is being disrespectful towards you she is being disrespectful towards her father as well, so I'm wondering if you have a good relationship with him? It might be helpful to try and sort out a way to tackle her behaviour together so that you can reinforce the behaviour without taking on the good parent/bad parent role.
I have a friend who is a parent of teenage daughters and one of the things that they've reinforced is boundaries and respect. They faced the same situation as yourself trying to talk to their daughter and their daughter was tapping on the phone. In this situation they made an ultimatium; if you don't do x y z I will do x y z. Consequences might be taking away chargers or changing the password for the internet.
Depending on the relationship that you have with your daughter it might also be helpful to try and have a talk with her about what you need done and why. Maybe she's stressed or under a lot of pressure lately; if she's in high school maybe there is school struggles going on.
You may also find it helpful to link in with friends or family for their advice or support. Michael Carr-Greg is a great expert on parenting teenagers so I highly recommend you check out any of his work.
Sorry I can't help more. Hope the links above help as well.
Aghh, teenagers! (sorry to any gorgeous teenagers reading this) Teenagers are hard work for a lot of reasons including their brain is still developing yet your daughter is legally adult. And whether we think it is fair or not she is going to be treated as an adult in society. She made need to fall over a few times until she figures it out, but maybe t’s better she does it now than in a decade or two.
It is really hard being a mum. Even when we don’t like them we love them to bits. We want the best for them ,to stop them getting hurt and we don’t want them to repeat any of our mistakes. Sadly sometimes we also have to let them fail.
One of the things teenagers need to do is to cut the apron strings, find their own feet and they do this by rejecting parents. It hurts and it’s confusing for both sides. My now adult children are various times have been difficult. It is an advantage to them when they can play off another adult that is in the picture.
What if you ignore your daughter’s bad behaviour, leave the door open for her to come back and be part of your family and let her know you love her. I know this sounds twee, but while it took a while it worked with my daughter when she was behaving poorly. I was very clear with her and always kept in contact, even though that made her angry at times. I would say things like I love you very much but I don’t like your behaviour at the moment. She also had help from some manipulative adults. It probably feels like you have lost her, but you won’t have it is just a bad moment and she and you will come out the other end stronger. We got through the storm and are close now.
Of course you need to focus on your twins and your mum. But you also need to prioritise yourself right now. What do you need to get through this time? For example, would access to a counsellor be useful. I read you have some health issues are they being treated?
Here’s a hug just on case it helps.