Daughter growing up with emotionally volatile mother

[HGC]

Hi all, 

I posted a few times over the years. In short, my wife has is very emotionally volatile with extreme bursts of temper mingled with days or weeks of self-pity and depression.

She has seen a psychologist previously, but I think they never really got to the point of discussing the true root causes of her anxiety. She stopped going and continues to deflect all of the issues with her anxiety to other people's actions. I've resolved I can't really help until she admits some level of fault.

Now we have a tween-age daughter, and she isn't coping well at all. I have developed resilience and strategies to deal with the chaos, but my daughter hasn't.  Every single day there's a giant argument about something, usually completely ridiculous things like "why didn't you wash this cup? You have no respect for anybody!!" and so on. Plus, also saying things like "She won't listen to me because you taught her to disrespect me".

My wife is a well-intentioned person, but she's also completed unhinged. I am firm but fair (I think) with my daughter and can negotiate better outcomes with her. But I am not happy, and the constant conflict is depleting. I'm sure lots of others are or have been in this scenario, what did you do?

Thanks for any advice.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I think I'm limited with answers on your situation but it is clear that- your wife needs some form of mental health care which she might qualify for some free psych visits that are initiated by your GP and that subsequent medication and/or treatment could well bring in the extremes of her behaviour/moods.

I'm bipolar and I can say with certainty that meds have reduced my extremes greatly and that has brought happiness all round among family members.

You do have a real issue with her not wanting to pursue medical care and it baffles me why when there is a good possibility her loved ones will be happier. We read about this nearly daily on this forum. So one idea is to wait until you need to visit the doctor for yourself, ask her to accompany you. When there discuss your problem and mention any anxiety you have. Your GP will ask you about your life. Then talk about your wife's mood swings and her reluctance to seek care. 

As for the domestic quarrels, these can diminish under some treatments depending on many factors like if and what mental health diagnosis she gets. Another reason to get her to a GP. It is a priority now.

TonyWK

[HGC]

HI Tony, thanks for the reply. I agree with your points. The issue is she is still in a state of denial and refers to these episodes as "getting a bit emotional" without recognition of the stress and trauma they bring to the household. While during "normal" times, everything is totally fine. My regular GP moved so I am trying to find a new one, the guy I saw last was useless in all respects.