Dating, Rejection and Discrimination

[Craig231976]

Hello and thankyou for reading the thread. Last night I was rejected again by someone I was interested in through internet dating we were talking about meeting and she had a few questions to which I answered and I then told her that I live with mental illness as I like to be open and forthcoming about my illness, she then replied she has family members and has had previous relationships where they have lived/suffered from mental illness and she couldn't go through it again. We to say the least I was very disappointed as this tends to happen alot as soon as you mention you have a mental illness you are treated as if you have the plague and its just not right, I'm at a point now where I feel like totally giving up on the idea of finding someone oh btw I've been single for 17 years because of this illness, I'm sick of getting kicked in the teeth constantly when all I'm doing is trying to be honest to those I want to get to know better but all I'm getting is being discriminated against because of an illness to which I have no control over but am taking medication religiously to combat it or keep things in check. I just can't stand it anymore and trying to reach out to people and let them into your lives and then to have them just reject you seems like a total waste of time and effort not to mention having your feelings crushed.

[Doolhof]

Hi Craig,

Welcome to the community here. I am sorry to read of the rejection you have felt due to your mental health issues. It seems there are some people in this world whop do try to understand and are accommodating and others just don't get it at all.

I have had friends come and go, some say it has been due to depression, others just disappear into the sunset. Some of them have had their own issues that I have tried to accommodate.

Do yo have friends you go out with? Do yo have hobbies and interests you are involved in that help you feel better about life?

It is wonderful you are honest and up front in letting people know you have mental health issues, it is a shame people can't look past the title to see you the person.

Hope you manage to bounce back okay from your experience recently.

Cheers to you from Dools

[Croix]

Dear Craig~

It is quite possible to have a mental illness and meet someone, and live a successful life together. As Mrs Dools says some are prepared to try to understand and be accommodating.

I managed that with a history of PTSD, anxiety and depression - plus no job. While of course you should let any prospective partner know the real you, it is only fair and honest, I do think there is a correct time, and a suitable way of telling.

Talking on line is a funny business, while it might seem like an open interchange it is artificial. When you meet a person face to face there are all sorts of other factors in play, a screen and microphone is sterile by comparison and do not allow for the opportunity of simple attraction and instinct to properly come into play.

Dating sites reduce humans to being on shopping lists, dehumanizing and what is worse, people don't always really know what they want and may pass over a pretty good prospect as a result. My second partner was convinced she would never hitch up with a smoker, but she did. Later I quit. It worked out.

Can I suggest you give thought to meeting people personally and maybe getting to know each other a little before going into detail. You may till be rejected, but I'd think the chances are less when someone gets to know you. Then again after meeting you may be the one to decide it is no go.

It only takes one person to be the right one.

Croix

[Rex_R]

Hi Craig!

As Croix said, internet dating pretty much reduces you to a shopping list. There are some things, however, that don't bare mentioning until you trust someone implicitly, or at least enough to open up. Being upfront and honest is all well and good, but the whole point to internet dating is putting your best foot forward. For example, you wouldn't roll off a list as follows:

• I like camping
• I like travelling
• I love long drives in the country
• My favorite food is vanilla ice cream with BBQ sauce

• my parents are devorced
• My dog died last week

Mental illness, whether we like it or not, can still be stigmatised in society, especially by those who have suffered as a result, either themselves or by another's actions. It sounds like this person has had a (maybe several) bad experiences on account of mental health, and her trepidation is understandable. I myself have mental health issues, as does my partner. Honestly, if given the choice and a "shopping list" laid bare I'd be a little more selective and critical of what was on there, because mental health is extremely hard to deal with, both within and without. As it stands, my partner and I didn't meet through internet dating, and so each others issues were uncovered over time, when we were comfortable and invested. It's not easy, but we get by. Your brand of intimate honesty needs time to come out in deep conversations over a glass of wine some time AFTER cementing a connection. Mental health isn't the only thing about you, I'm sure.

[Lee lee 73]

Hi Craig,

It's great you're being upfront and honest but as others have said, it's not necessary for you to go into so much detail when dating. Let them get to know the real you and at the same time you also have to trust those you tell so get to know them as well. Online dating is so hard, it's demoralising and soul breaking. I'm a female and have tried it for the last 5yrs. I'm starting to think it's not for everyone - not for me. It's hard enough let alone having a mh illness.

Keep us posted.

Lee