Crush on good friends husband

[Sandy centre]

Hi all

I have been married 9 years however have had a huge crush on a married person for 7 years. I still love my husband and have not cheated on him.

I don't if I developed this crush because I can't have children naturally and we have finished the ivf path. I feel gu

I am good friends with my crush 's wife however yesterday she told me that my crush is interested in someone else and it is not me.

[pipsy]

Hi Sandy, Having a 'crush' on someone often means a fantasy. This person you fancied actually fancied himself more. Habitual philanderers often are shallow and incapable of loving anyone as commitment is impossible. His wife knew about his philandering and finally got fed-up. He's bored, between gf's and wants you till the next conquest comes along. I would be very hesitant about getting caught up in this 'merry-go-round' of emotions. I would be inclined to tell his wife, sorry, but no dice on getting involved. You will wind up getting more hurt and confused.

Lynda

[Sandy centre]

Hello Mrs Doolhof

i hope you are well.

i have still got myself caught up with my crush and he is no longer with his wife. I am married but still very confused and do you think it would help if I told my husband??? I have done nothing physically stupid

any advice would be good

Sylvia

[white knight]

Hi again Sandy

I cant think of anything more risky than telling your husband.

I also think seeking a referal to a psychologist would be a good idea to sort your feelings out.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hello Sandy, if you tell your husband, you are in danger of destroying your marriage, and do you know why your crush has left his wife or been told to go, I think that's important to know, because if his wife has said that to him, due to what was going on in the background, then this does matter. Geoff.

[SuperSonic]

Sometimes you may have feelings for someone - it doesn't mean you need to act on it. You say 'you can't trust him' - what about yourself? Fantasies are one thing, acting on them is another.

My advice would be, leave it well alone. Not only are you risking your own marriage, but also a friendship.

[Doolhof]

Hi Sylvia,

Has this guy you have the crush on told you that he has left his wife for you? I am not at all sure your husband would be very understanding if you told him how you were feeling. You might find yourself withthis bloke you have a crush on and not with your husband.

I can't see any logical way you can have both unless you lie to one or both of these guys and deceive yourself.

As I am sure has been mentioned previously, it is tough when you fall in love with someone who is (or was) with someone else and you are married.

It must be breaking your heart and causing you all kinds of confusion. Sometimes I feel we just need to let go of what we can't have. Even admiring from a distance can cause oneself hurt, pain and maybe eventually bitterness.

Take care in what you choose!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Sandy centre]

Thank you for your advice

i know that my crush called the marriage off and I was not mentioned when he called it off.

sorry to trouble you again do you think I should just tell my crush how I feel?

Sylvia

[Apollo_Black]

We only hear what we want to hear.

Sandy, with all due respect, you keep asking for advice but you haven't actually heeded any advice provided to you here.

I suggest you re-read this entire thread and have a serious think about what YOU want to do

[white knight]

I'm agreeing with Apollo on this.

For an obvious reason I'm sympathetic to your husband.

Tony WK

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Sandy,

By telling your crush, you open up the possibility for reciprocation.

If you are unhappy in your marriage enough that you would risk the possibility of something with another person, I think you should be having a conversation with your husband.

I believe is ok to be attracted to other people. There are a lot of charasmatic, amazing people in the world. Is it ok to betray the person you committed to by marriage by putting yourself in a position that may affect that relationship? It is likely not what you promised when you were married. Would you be ok if your hubby did this with another woman? Does it show respect to your partner?

I think putting it out there to see if it is reciprocated while staying in a "safe" relationship you can fall back on if it doesn't work out is not respectful to your partner.

If you feel so strongly that you want to do this, the honourable thing would be to let your husband know what is going on before hand.

Maybe you and this man are meant to be together, maybe not. Either way your husband deserves to be treated with respect. You cared for him enough to marry him and to choose him to be your only partner at one point, because that is what marriage is.

I hope you find the happiness you are searching for. I hope your husband is treated kindly and with the utmost respect he deserves.