Controlled by a narcissistic husband

[One_day_soon]

My world is not my own. I am constantly watched, judged and put down. He controls who I speak to. I am not allowed any social media accounts. My movements need to be run by him and my whereabouts need to be accounted for throughout the day. I need to ask permission if I can go into the office to work, when I get there I need to send photos of proof. I need to tell him who I speak to and when. He checks my phone and has also had my phone hacked. His aggression is out of control. He demands that I praise him several times a day and show him love and affection. I have tried hard to leave. I do not love this person. I am scared of my emotional well-being as well as the toll this puts on our children. There is no such thing as standing up for myself or setting boundaries. This only makes things worse. Complying to him is easier for everyone. I do not know how to escape. I have never dealt with a narcissistic person before. Once I realised what was happening it was far too late. We were already married with 3 kids. I thought I was the one causing all of our problems. If I had of known his real persona I would have ran a mile. I am scared and a nervous wreck. For me, this forum is about communicating what is going on for me as this is something no one knows about. I need to let my story out. I don't want to be judged for it. Please, if you have a similar story I would love to hear from you. 

[Luna10]

Yes I have been through exactly the same. I eventually had the courage to leave my ex husband 12 years ago, however the pain has never ended. He’s taken the kids off me twice and the courts were no help at all. He got the house in the divorce settlement because he said he would t let me see the kids unless I agreed to it. He has lied to the courts and lawyers making me out to be an alcoholic, unstable, neglectful mother, which is so far from the truth. I provided lots of documented evidence twice when we’ve gone through the courts and both times they have deemed his accusations as wrong, but still he gets away with destroying me. My youngest son now lives with him and I’ve had little or no contact for 1.5 years as my ex has manipulated him away from me. Luckily my eldest son realised and is living with me but when he’s seen his dad he turns against me for a couple of days and days his dad is fine even though he abused him from when he was 5 years old, when I left my ex. Sorry this won’t help you but I just wanted you to feel that you’re not alone. 

[Maxey]

I am so sorry you are experiencing this.  I was in a relationship for 22 years, married for 11 and Covid saved my life.  After three calls to the police during lockdown my narcissistic gaslighting abusive addicted husband was finally removed from our family home and served with a two year police avo.  It was beyond traumatic.  I was a functioning alcoholic (I am self employed) for two years which co-habitated with my high functioning anxiety which I have had for the most part of our relationship.  
I have two adult children in therapy and my youngest who still lives at home with me.  My children are my absolute reason for living but we are still struggling to recover though it has nearly been three years.

I can relate to everything you are saying and I’m sure you and I would share many other similar stories that many would see as inconceivable.

I am currently trying to support my partner who is suffering depression whilst recovering the trauma of my ex-husband and a dysfunctional childhood.   I was not in love with him for many years but was financially controlled and isolated from any friends who I made, and though my appearance and presentation to the world would suggest otherwise, I have so many deep rooted fears of insecurity, abandonment and rejection that I have regular panic attacks.  My brain is still wired to react with extreme anxiety to regular everyday interactions.  I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit this was my life, and reliving stories is extremely triggering for me.
I want you to know you are not alone and that everything you are experiencing is not your fault.  It is scary, and mind numbing to live your life this way.   I know what it is to feel trapped and worthless and to put on a show for everyone around you.  It’s relentless and tiring and soul destroying.  I don’t know your situation and if you are in a position to escape, but until that time please know I am here to chat without judgement and from a place of love. 

[Cotts]

ODS, 

Life is short.  You must pack up the bare essentials, take the kids and leave.  It will be a challenge at first but over time will be easier.  There are places you can go.