change of scenery

[Mawney]

My partner and I are planning a move to warmer weather anda better life. But his depression and anxiety is such that can't make a start on the house moving. I work full time so cant do as much at home as he can. He knows the move is good fir him ,but its like he is frozen and is stuck talking about how much he hates where we are. I tryto motivate him but get nowhere. any advice.? 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I suppose this mimics the symptoms of depression and sad as that is, the effects that it has on partners is huge.

Look at it like this, if he had only one leg he'd struggle also, hence his disability is an invisible type injury that needs lots of adjustments on your part. So a few suggestions-

• After dinner each night tackle one hour of packing. Ask him to join you to that task. Even watching you pack might energise him
• Counselling could be of benefit
• A visit to his GP, discuss the issue- he might register as to how serious it is effecting you
• Set a simple task for him that day say about 30 minutes work like packing one box.

I'm hoping it is a better life, a change is good, could kick start your life but in my experience with depression it doesnt matter where you live nor the weather unless some strategies are introduced to change routine/sports/hobbies/clubs. 

TonyWK

[ecomama]

Hi Mawney and welcome to the forums. 

Does your husband WANT to move too? 
Perhaps H could be fearful of moving? Esp losing his community or family connections he's formed? 

It could take a brainstorm to get these concerns OUT before he can focus on what needs to be done? 

He's struggling with his thoughts and emotions, it often helps for someone to work along side a person who's struggling to co-regulate them. 

If this doesn't help then modelling HOW to do this could help. 
EG have TWO boxes ready. One labelled Charity and one labelled "Bedroom" or whatever other room you're packing. 

Just fill a box! 

Having the GOAL of packing one box could reduce the perceived enormity of the task ie packing up the whole house, which could be paralysing H from action. 

Best wishes with the move
EM