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Can someone help me??

Community Member

I feel as though my long term partner of 4 years has been misdiagnosed with BPD. I’m really confused, everything that BPD is described as just doesn’t fit him....he broke things off with me suddenly/out of no where nearly 3 weeks ago (during the break up he admitted that 2 months ago he was diagnosed with BPD, bipolar and anxiety). I just don’t think it’s right. Has anyone had this experience??

6 Replies 6

Community Member
BPD has such a broad array of symptoms that most people who be listed as having it, take BPD diagnoses with a grain of salt in my experience.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Unknown19

Theborderline has suggested a perspective worth considering. A lot of us do swing between poles, mentally and physically (biologically). I suppose it's when the swing creates significant disorder that BPD is more closely looked at.

In no way whatsoever, at all, even in the slightest way (just to make it completely clear) am I suggesting that Pre-menstral syndrome has anything to do with BPD, just wanting to give a biological example of how extreme poles can appear, without reasoning: If I lied to you and told you that it was a guy experiencing such extreme mood swings (when it was a woman with PMS), and if I said that this person is typically the nicest person in the world but then suddenly they become irrational, self-focused, depressed and incredibly angry to the point of causing great disorder in their life and in the lives of those around them, you might think (without the facts) there's something seriously wrong here. They might not swing back to being their natural happy energetic self for 2 months at a time because they would become so down, given how they'd treated people. They may have a hard time with self forgiveness.

I suppose you'd need to ask the question 'What are the triggers for a sudden and extreme shift between poles?' Could it be that someone is a natural high viber (with a bit of a lack of grounding in the way of sensible decision making)? Could they make bad calls in judgement when they're on a high, which lead them to spend weeks in a state of deep regret? Then they may have an amazing revelation, which leads them back to a high again.

Given that relationships can be seriously challenging, could your bf be ignoring a challenge that needs addressing in the relationship? Does he only really appreciate the highs of the relationship, without facing the challenges that need addressing in the way of constantly reforming a relationship in positive ways? I seriously swing between poles in my marriage. My husband is a relaxed sort of dude with no great desire for excitement. He has little interest in getting to know his full potential. His favourite saying, 'That's just me'. When I'm packed with energy, I'm thoroughly inspirational until I give up in pure frustration. Then I swing to the other extreme with him at times. By the way, he says he definitely wants to change but just can't let go.

Whether it's biology, a lack of self care or others that swing us, the questioning aspect is important.

Take care

I just can’t see him within the Illness described. He’s not a reckless driving, doesn’t make impulsive/compulsive decisions, doesn’t go from high to lows, he doesn’t self harm, he doesn’t get angry (just every now and again when we have the odd fight like every couple does), there’s just so much that doesn’t fit him. I think they’ve taken the fact that he doesn’t have a big group of friends and does appreciate to be by himself sometimes and blown it out of proportion. We haven’t spoken for 3 weeks now as he needed time. But I feel as though he’s signed himself up for a life sentence of having bpd when he may not even have it....

Even if it is bpd its highly treatable.

I believe you need 5 of the 9 traits to even qualify for it. I was misdiagnosed as BPD and it nearly destroyed it wasn't until 2 years later a psychiatrist said no this is clearly PTSD which shares similar symptoms.

Like I said grain of salt, i dont think you can be diagnosed after a couple of sessions

Hopefully soon he will message me and we can meet up and speak about all of this. I just have a gut feeling he’s been misdiagnosed. Would it be a good idea to bring that perspective up? And see a different psychologist/psychiatrist to give another opinion? Apparently he is already on medication (he told me that when he broke up with me three weeks ago, it’s all he’s told me about it other than he’s been diagnosed, I’m pretty much in the dark about it all).

It wouldnt hurt to maybe approach him that borderline is just one of many possible diagnoses.