Can a mans depression end a long term love for good or is there hope for us?
If he is in denial because he's
He needs to understand that weed is not going to help his weed addiction, but at the moment I don't think he wants to believe this, so is another fault to make your relationship survive. Geoff.
I feel so sad for you. You are committed and caring yet this guy is abusing your care. If you feel that strongly, the best you can do is stay in contact via the odd text but move on with your life as best you can, by building a new friendship network. I know it is hard to do and easier for me to say it, but once you start, you will feel stronger about yourself, and therefore be in a more rational and stable position to support him, should he return or at least reciprocate your contact.
I have some small sense of how he is, as I left a very loving relationship suddenly to move somewhere else, some time ago now. My partner at the time was heartbroken but kept contact, and eventually we have rekindled and thoroughly rebuilt our relationship based on trust and mutual respect, although we are from 2 entirely different cultures
Hang in there, and keep posting as there are others who would love to offer their support to you through this forum
When you think of it alcoholics can go without the grog for any amount of time, but then come back in vengeance being ntoxicated for days on end, the same applies to smoking weed, he can stop for a period of time but then need it once more.
There is no trouble if you want to text him, but I'm not sure that over time he will respond back to you, why, because he hasn't decided that he wants to stop smoking weed, no one can tell an alcoholic to throw away the bottle, this decision has to come from one person and it's him, but I don't think h's anywhere near this stage at the moment.
I'm sorry to say. Geoff. x
Thank you for commenting quiettall, I appreciate it so much. I drove past him yesterday and it made me feel so weird, I decided to text him asking if we could talk. We talked for an hour and unfortunately it ended badly. He said he's sick of being in a relationship and always doing what someone else wants to do. We moved out together and apparently he had doubts but did nothing about it other than "see" if his feelings would change over time. This made me incredibly angry cause he so easily could have been honest with me and we could have both worked on it instead of me just see him gradually decline the way he did to the point where he didn't leave the house for 12 days straight
I have experienced him doing this exact same thing before, our last breakup was nearly word for word the same, and the same plans of his to run away again. I feel like he honestly has a deep issue within himself because I know he loves me. There's been too many moments to indicate so over the years I can't explain it with words I just know it in my heart. He's all over the place, only a few months ago he was telling me he loves me so much he would support me financially if I wanted to study. Why would he even suggest that if he was so unhappy with me and our relationship. I believe he has depression and he smokes weed to self medicate but we all know that only makes you feel even more numb.
I would honestly walk away because he so obviously is being selfish. But the fact that he has considered taking his own life while we were separated and he was off "finding himself" in the snow makes it so incredibly difficult to walk away even though it's the best thing for me.
I love him so unconditionally and it's such a shame he doesn't see that. I've read a lot of articles explaining how men deal with depression and they all sound so much like him.
My plan at the moment is to leave him alone for a month to sort himself and his feelings out. But we live together this time and it's so painful for me to lose our life together. I'm not coping at all, I can't even go there, I'm at my parents house and it's making me even more depressed and emphasising how much I miss him because I have family issues and he was pretty much the only person I'm truly close with.
I should also mention his parents are very worried and trying to get him to a doctor but he has refused.
What would you suggest I do? Anything at all would help
I honestly can feel your pain. I wouldn't wish this on anybody. And what's worse is the person we love the most has caused all of this. I'm tired of looking back over every little thing I've done and said during our relationship to see if this was somehow my fault! And it isn't.
You are exactly right it's a selfish illness and we are very obviously not selfish people. Most women I know including my friends just say stuff him. He's hurt you and left you and is only thinking about himself. Yet here we are seeking out help and trying to figure them and this illness out so we can help not only ourselves but them too.
My ex (weird to call him that) knew exactly what position he would be leaving me in. I don't have any close friends anymore and I've shared so many painful feelings about my mum with him and that's where I am now back living. Because I literally can not be in our apartment anymore it makes me too sad. He knows there isn't even room for me here I'm sleeping in my younger sisters bedroom while she sleeps with my mum!
But it's all good he's going off to "find himself" again!
Its ridiculous, what he needs is to address the problem and admit to it and seek help. I'm not even going to be with him anymore but constantly worrying about him because how can I not. I love him!
I feel like I'm in my angry stage and you probably know what I mean.
its so nice to have support on here from women that are in the same situation, at least we can go to bed at night knowing we aren't suffering alone.
Im here to talk whenever you need to 🙂
I have been going through something similar. Was with my partner for 5 years, he has been going through depression. We were about to salvage our relationship by living apart for a while and then he told me he didn't love me the same way anymore. Even though a week or so earlier he was all in.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
The only way I'm coping is by distracting myself. Whenever I'm thinking about it, I write it down. I've been talking with family about it. Just trying to focus on myself.
The hardest part is worrying about them but not being able to do anything. He has asked for no contact, so I've been respecting his wishes.
Remember, your health is just as important as his. There isn't much you can do if he doesn't want to help himself.
Only time can heal you.