Breakups.

[sbella02]

Hi friends of the forums,

I love supporting people on these forums, I look forward to it every week. But today it's me who needs a little support. 

Had a breakup a few days ago and for some reason, even though we were only together for a few months, it seems to be hitting me harder than my last breakup after a two-year relationship. It's weird going from seeing each other nearly every day to just not at all. 

It was a mutual breakup, probably for the best, and we're still on relatively good terms, but it still hurts a lot. I've tried going out, seeing friends, listening to music, crying, but nothing's helping and my first instinct is to talk to my ex-partner, which I know is terrible and is also not really an option as we're both trying not to do that. We also work together, which hasn't been awkward so far but is still rough. I also can't really fully take the time to be sad because I have so much uni work to do and I can't be distracted, because they're all huge projects.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Even if anyone's going through the same thing and wants to share their experience, I'd love to hear, anything to distract myself or feel less alone. Much love.

[sbella02]

JayB72 & Smallwolf,

Thank you both for checking in, it's still quite difficult months later unfortunately. Mainly because we run in the same social circles and still see each other at work, so the urge to reach out is super strong. We've only recently completely stopped talking again after months of hanging out and talking while not being together, and the pain is less intense now but it does still hurt. I'm finding ways to deal with it but am always open to new suggestions.

JayB72, how are you going with seeing her at work? Has it gotten any better recently, or is it still just as difficult?

SB

[smallwolf]

hello SB.

I won't give you any suggestion ... yet... I don't like to tell someone things that already know or are doing?  Do you think you might be able to share a couple of things you are doing? One thing that I can say is that each story is unique. And how long it take is how long it takes. Sigh. Don't you hate that! 

Still listening ...

[sbella02]

Smallwolf,

Quite a bit of journalling, lots of hanging out with friends, listening to and writing music, watching shows, that kind of thing. One minute I'm "over it" and then the next, I'm right back to yearning and feeling upset. It's slowly getting better but any advice would help. 🙂

Thank you all for your support, it means a lot.

SB

[smallwolf]

It's understandable (/natural) to feel like you're on an emotional rollercoaster after a breakup. One moment you feel relieved it's over, the next you're plunged back into sadness over the loss. Healing from a meaningful relationship is not linear. Please be gentle with yourself through those ups and downs—this period of readjustment simply takes time.

It sounds like you also have good coping strategies - journaling, music, friends, or shows that make you laugh or escape for a bit. Bit by bit, focusing outward will help soothe the sting inside.

Now you did say "any advice would help". Eek! And what I am about to say is also a bit like pot calling the kettle black or a contradiction. I have an app on my phone that can help me to redirect your thoughts to the present. Things like noticing five things you see, etc. I have used it but not as much as I should.

Hope some of this helps... And we are here for you also 🙂