Breakup

[Anonspooky]

Never posted on any kinda forum this is weird. Will probably forget I've posted.

I started dating my now ex 3 years ago. I moved cities and moved in together and stuff was good. We both have our mental health bits. I get pretty anxious at times and have some moments where I can be pretty depressed. They have a lot going on with an eating disorder.

We ended up breaking up. Over a lot of things. My self doubt mostly.

They were intimate with others in our time apart. All I could do was think about them. I'd moved back home. 3 months went by and I get a message. We ended up back together and I thought things were going well. We had a cute little trip to Sydney together. There I was told they had a bit of a crush on someone they saw when we were apart. I spent the next day doing my best to pull them out of a rut so we could have a nice time. They really wanted to make things work still and had a message all typed to send to their crush. Offered couples counseling and wanted to keep trying. A week later we were meant to be going to a gig. Lots was happening that week. 3 days from then was my dad's birthday who no longer with us (story for another time) I spent the day trying to work out some cute things to do for them and feeling kinda hopefully. Met up with them when they finished work. I got a bit overwhelmed but was still keen on the gig just got quiet. This caused a really big argument. Something my anxiety quite often did. I'm usually okay once I get to a place the build up can be a bit of a fun one for me though. All I needed was just a lil bit of hey ya heads being dumb you've done this a million times it's gonna be fun. Anything which we had a long discussion on but instead they blow up. We called off they night. I feel like garbage we argued. I said how I feel like I'm not good enough for them they agreed. I asked to be blocked on everything, which they finally have done. But 3 days after they are with their crush. Just feel like I spent 3 years madly in love and that on the opposite side of things I really did mean nothing? Am I an idiot for being so ready to do it all a 3rd time? I don't get how we can say things and they don't really have meaning to them? I'm 34. Not really been in many relationships. People are weird and I don't like being touched so was easy being single. But they came along and a lot of that changed? Spent 5 years before them single and really only one other relationship before that. I dunno what to do now? I was really excited for this future together that we talked about. They were the person I wanted to experience life with. Felt kinda pointless before feels a bit the same again now

[Sophie_M]

Hi Guest_26061879,
We’re sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way and have been through such a difficult time . We’re glad you could share this here, as our lovely community will have kindness, advice and understanding for you.
It sounds like you could do with talking things through, so please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here.
It must be really difficult not feeling like you can trust your judgment, and we can understand how confusing all of these events must’ve been for you, however, it’s important to remember that you are deserving of respect. If you’re ever at all concerned about how their behaviour is affecting you, you should reach out to 1800 Respect on 1800 737 732. They’re kind, understanding and non-judgmental, and can talk things through with you any time, either on the phone or in their online chat.
It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums, but you never know who might read it and feel less alone in their own experience.
Kind regards,
Sophie M
 

[ABC01]

Dear anonspooky,

Having read your post I don't believe you are pointless, not now and not before.

I can see that you were living in the moment in your relationship and having a good time. You made plans or could see yourself with this person for a long time.

Anxiety does interfere in people's lives. It interferes in mine. But the fact that 3 days after, they are with their crush, sounds like a them problem and not a you problem. It still hurts.

A relationship finishing is a significant loss in ones life, so please look after yourself. You deserve it.

Hoping you find kindness towards yourself,

ABC01