both husband's left for a younger woman
This site is all about supporting people and sharing our experiences with others. I have never been one for upbeat comments as a means of support because most people on here could hear reassuring comments without having to come to the site. Anyone they would share their story with could say things like, "It will get better." or "He'll realise his mistake." when the reality is it may not and he probably won't.
In my experience, being in relationships (I'm 51, divorced twice, serial monogamist) is a chance we take. There are no guarantees. Relationships end for lots of reasons and sometimes we never learn the true reason. According to the ABS, in 2013 there were roughly 119000 marriages in Australia and 47000 divorces. Divorce is a shade under 40% of marriages and the figure is stable according to the ABS.
It is not right for you to blame yourself for any one of the many reasons your relationships ended. The end of a relationship does not mean you are a failure or did something wrong. Many men (and increasingly women) are being drawn to much younger partners these days. Men have often been suckers for younger women but look at the explosion of the modern "cougar"!
Please do not blame age, it might be a distraction but very few relationships that are long term have age disparities. Sure, we all know a couple or two that have a lot of years difference, but most of the couples we know are within a few or five years difference.
I hope you can reconsider the reasons those relationships are over and not see yourself, or more importantly, your age, as the causes. It is not easy but it is true, I think, that you must prioritise yourself to attract the right person. If you do not think you are a good person, that you are not worthwhile, why would you think someone else would?
Can I please ask you to post some more or contact the 1300 number on here? Alternately, discuss how you feel with your GP.
I'll look out for your posts. Kind regards, John.
It is my understanding that cheating isn't really about the cheated on partner, but about the person who actually does it.
Some people just don't seem to know how to cope with, or develop the maturity for responsibility, or intimacy, or being a grown-up and crave the immaturity of a younger person who seems to match their outlook on life. Your husbands made their choices, you didn't. This is not about YOU, it is about them and their behaviour and please don't take responsibility or blame for their behaviours.
I was left at almost 40 for a 22 year old. We had been together just under 20 years. It's such a horrible and humiliating betrayal but he ended up making quite a fool of himself. I actually ended up pitying him, but he didn't deserve it.
Please look after you, and stop making excuses for what he has done. Find a therapist, a gp, a psychologist, some great girlfriends, a punching bag, whatever you need to look after you and your little one and let him wear whatever consequences result from his actions. It's not your doing and not your mistake to live with...
Hi. So sorry you are going through this again. You need to reset. Get a life makeover I'll call it from mind body soul. Hopefully you have access to regular councelling. Talking this through. Processing will be the key to your healing. And totally being able to move forward and be fully in your present. Not the past. Take the time to find out what makes you tick. What makes you happy. What hobby would you like to try. Have an adventure ... Try archery. Or something unusual to reset. There is nothing you can do to change this mans actions or behavior. I know at this point you may not believe it but it's nothing about you that he moved on with someone younger ... Seriously
for the record my new man is 11 years younger so goes both ways ok