Betrayal from mum, confused and upset

[Sunflower60]

Hello, Just wanting some advice and wondering if anyone else has a situation like this. I am really upset my mum has given my abusive ex her number and told him to call her whenever she wants. I was trying to get away from him for so long and he would stalk me. I was getting harrasing text messeges from him so I blocked his number and he then set his number to private and continued calling constantly all day and all through out the night. I then changed my number and soon after he must of realised what I had done, was waiting for me in a dark car park at night, where I had parked my car when I was working, asking me if he could just have a hug, blocking me from my car, so I had to hug him to get in my car, it was so scary. My mum knew all of this and knew how much he hurt me yet she gave him her number after I finally got away from the guy.


I want to have a relationship with my mum but this it alway in the back of my mind. I feel like it is so hurtful and really weird. I'm having trouble not letting it effect me. She was saying today how if he calls she would ask him how he is, how is his family and how is his health. What the !! I have told her how I feel about it and how I don't want him to have her number. I was very scared and hurt by him.

[Terry73]

Hi Sunflower,

This is a really scary story, to be have such a situation is what most parents would be horrified about. I would suggest you tell your mum, straight and plain, that if her ex is going to call you in an unwanted fashion, then you will be forced to take out an avo to defend yourself with. If he does not stop, then go do so, it is NOT right for ANY man to stalk a woman.

As for your mum, I see it more of a case like a parent would have to step aside to allow a child to make a mistake and learn from it, you may have to take the same steps with your mum. This doesnt mean abandon her, but merely means to let her choose her path in life, and let her deal with the consequences of that choice, just be ready to support her, or if you have to, protect her if things go bad.

You are always welcome here, so never be afraid to air your problems here, we are all here to help with advice, or to simply listen, and we would never rebuke you for not taking our advice either, its your life, so you call the shots in it.

Terry

[geoff]

Hello Sunflower60, can I welcome you and thanks for posting on the site.

I don't believe this should have happened and would go that extra step to what Terry has suggested and issued an AVO on him, no phones, no coming within a certain distance, if he breaks this then he goes to gaol.

You can get this by discussing your situation with the police and following their instructions.

An AVO can also be called a 'restraining order'.

In relation to your mum, this must be very disappointing, so at the moment I wouldn't give anyone your phone number unless it's someone you can trust and if you want to talk to your mum, don't give her a time when you're going to ring her and do it randomly from a public phone box because if she has a landline then it may display the phone number ringing, but at a public PB it will come up as 'private'.

If your phone is with Telstra they can help you.

Please contact 1800RESPECT who will then be able to direct you to other avenues as well going to your doctor who will then help you with either medication or refer you to a psychologist.

Geoff.

[Juliet_84]

Hi Subflower60,

I’m so sorry to hear that you were in an abusive relationship, the after effects of which can be quite persistent. That certainly isn’t helped by the fact that for some reason your mum’s behavior is preventing you from putting this behind you. That must feel like such a betrayal, to have the person who should support you the most in a situation like this, almost feel as though she’s taking his side?? I have no idea why, considering you outlined the abuse to her, why she does not seem to be getting it. But I think you need to use whatever means to get this through to her. Her remaining in contact with him is jeopardizing your safety and that cannot be taken lightly. Tell her that you have taken an AVO out against him and she cannot be in contact with him at all. Usually I’m all for honesty but in this situation I think you need to do whatever necessary to get this contact to stop. Of course, that may take care of the immediate concern. But it does nothing to alleviate the betrayal of why she did this to you. That may be a discussion for another day or you could raise it in your discussion about the contact, but my guess is you won’t get an answer that is satisfactory to you.

I’m sorry I couldn’t offer more answers.

Juliet x