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Been in love with my friend for 3 and a half years, but I've never told him how I feel and it's ruining me

Community Member

I was honestly contemplating for a while as to whether or not I should take this kind of step since I've never been the one to seek help especially for an issue like this, but here I am and thank you in advance for assisting me.

I'm 24 and I've been in love with my friend for 3 and a half years now, but haven't found the courage to tell him how I feel because I don't want to ruin our friendship. We used to work in the same job, but we've both moved onto different career paths and don't see each other anymore, but we do text and speak almost every day. I really want to tell him how I feel because it's killing me inside every single day and I can't move on with anyone else because I love him. I don't know what to do.

I've already lost my best friend this year, too.

9 Replies 9

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi welcome

Unfortunately there is no easy way. I had the same situation10 years ago.

Id known her for 25 years and matchmade her to my then BIL. In 2009 we were both single . She was also my adult child’s favourite Aunty by marriage.

I had a new country cabin so invited her up for soup in front of my open fire. I knew I’d have to make the move and risk our friendship.

As we sat eating I said “I’ve never told you what I really think of you?” She replied “you can tell me” I said “I’d rather show you”

I stood up and kissed her

We married 12 months later.

However you do it, do it in person.

Have courage


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
I was in that situation many years ago when i was your age.The lady i was in love with was like my best friend aat the time.I was to shy to tell her at the time,to scared of being rejected making a fool of my self.I now wish i had told her how i felt.I found out years later that she to had feelings for me but didnt think i did and went to Africa to help the poor.I often wonder how different my life would have been if i had told her how i felt.I think you should get the courage and tell this boy and you never know he might feel the same way to and if not at least you will know.

That sounds absolutely perfect and I'm so glad that it ended up working out! Would've been such a relief.

What if seeing him in person is out of the question?

That sounds so agonising. I'm so sorry that you both missed out on the chance to be together, but things always have a way of working out for both parties if they're both willing to move forward and accept things for what they are.

Thank you so much for your advice, too. I will definitely consider it and plan how I should tell him. Fingers crossed that it all works out!

The trouble is, if you make an advance not in person, he'll either accpet such an advance eagerly or reject. Then when ever you both meet in the future it will make it awkward.

If you can meet for coffee or such there are ways to easily make a move. A cafe has small tables, easy to reach out and put your hand on top of his but make sure you say something otherwise he could take it that you dropped your hand on his accidentally. This senario make sit tougher if you dont say anything. So you've dropped your hand onto his and you say "are you going to object if I want to hold your hand"? or "do you have feelings for me"?

Another idea is when you return from the loo or bar you could take a plunge and wrap your arms around his neck from behind and kiss him on the cheek. Then sit down and say "are you going to object to what I just did"? if he say "no" then hold out your hand. Then plan a walk on the beach or similar.

chew mints....lol



hanks for sharing your dilemma than many reading will have experienced.

I am wondering if telling him in person is out of the question, because of distance or another reason, or you would rather communicate in another way.

If you like let us know what you decide and how it goes.


He just doesn't like meeting up because he doesn't want to get attached to be honest. We both have commitment issues in that way because we don't want to deal with the loss of potentially losing someone. I guess I can ask him to make an exception for just this once.

Thank you 🙂

He's not into any of that touchy feely stuff, he doesn't really hug anyone to be honest, so I know he won't like it, but thank you for the suggestions!

I guess the only thing that I fear at this point is losing him because of this and that he ends up with someone else in the future because I made an early advance at a point when he wasn't ready.

I was thinking of calling him or texting him this if meeting up doesn't work out. I'd love to know what you guys think:

"Okay, so I've been wanting to get this off my chest for a while now ...I have strong feelings towards you and wanted to know if you feel the same way?"

If he says that he's not ready I'll just say:

"I think you’re right. You need to go away and figure out what you want and you need to be alone to do that. We’ve already been friends for a long time, so there’s no rush! Because at the end of the day your happiness means everything to me."

"I hope I'm still here when you're ready."

Please amend as you see fit or I'd just love to hear your opinions.

Thank you!

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Candice4,that sounds good,just say whats in your heart and dont pressure him.

I wish i had that courage 30 years ago.