Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Samvv Narc mum
  • replies: 15

I think my mother is really selfish and jealous of me. Im pregnant with my first child, left the father due to ongoing abuse and just got through a heavy month waiting for a restraining order, as he had become really troublesome. I have had to move 6... View more

I think my mother is really selfish and jealous of me. Im pregnant with my first child, left the father due to ongoing abuse and just got through a heavy month waiting for a restraining order, as he had become really troublesome. I have had to move 6 times in the first trimester, was in a refuge and was having constant severe migraines, the stress was exhausting and put me in hospital twice. I'm just in my third tri now and my mother said I could move back home. Shortly after she started to nag at me about little things like my washing on the line or how I'm going to burn my toast which I never have. Then she started bossing me to cook for my dad every night, doesn't ask even thank me now it's just expected. She buys the food and tells me off if I don't eat it, even if I don't like it. She tries to compete with me if dad compliments my food. She puts me down and starts telling me off all the time. I try to do nice things to help her out lie walking the dog so it doesn't poop inside, and she's completely dismissive and ungreatful. She argues with me about anything and everything, then blames me. She makes underhanded comments about my weight, what I eat, my money and constantly compares me to others and ridicules my hobbies. She backstab my father as soon as he leaves the room. I don't want her in my life and am on my last nerve. I've already tried to talk to her in the past nicely, she plays the victim tells me she wishes she had aborted me and tells my dad I'm trouble causing rifts between us. She tries to dress me like her, and makes constant jealous comments about my weight and size of my baby. if I say no and tell her to stop spending money, she guilt trips me and back stabs me but also tells people im too dependant on her, I'm not at all and feel she tries to make me so she can put me down. Im beginning to hate her. She made a comment about family's who take custody of daughters kids the other day and demanded that it does happen as if a threat. She told me my ex contacted her online and wouldn't confirm if she's blocked him which were police orders as he's under AVO. She got upset and vindictive when I wouldn't let HER name my only son! i don't want her in my life at all but if I try to speak up I will be homeless again. I'm 35 have had a really hard time lately and really need her to back off before I end up sick again. There is 3.5 months to go before I can afford to move out. She gets worse by the day I can't take it anymore

eld0rad0 Trying to move out post breakup with a fresh lease
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone, This is the first time I have ever posted in a forum and I’m doing this simply because I’m struggling to find the right answers. I’m hoping some of you out there have experienced a similar situation to what I’m going through right now a... View more

Hey everyone, This is the first time I have ever posted in a forum and I’m doing this simply because I’m struggling to find the right answers. I’m hoping some of you out there have experienced a similar situation to what I’m going through right now and can provide some insight for myself and others that may be going through the same thing which is: Moving out post-breakup and removing yourself from a co-tenant lease when you’ve only just signed. During this pandemic myself and my ex-partner decided we’re not right for each other. Our relationship was very toxic and my ex-partner is very manipulative and isolated me from everybody and is continuing to do so. Until I am able to move out I will continue to feel trapped. But how can I make this happen when we signed a new 12 month lease only a few days ago? If it was my choice I would not have signed it but the situation was out of my control. In the beginning of the breakup they had said if I was to move out I would be “burdening them” with the rent and stress of finding someone to replace me. Even if I am able to convince them it’s the right thing to allow me to leave how would I go about signing a new lease somewhere else? I am currently out of work and on Jobseeker payments due to forced government closure of my workplace. I have a guaranteed position when things go back to normal however I am a sole trader and this makes proving income a lot harder. is it even worth me looking at other rental properties right now or would I be wasting my time and not even considered as a possible tenant by real estate agents? any advice would be helpful, I hope you are all staying safe and sane, much love

Rose_1000 Long Distance Relationship Anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone. I met my boyfriend 2 years ago while travelling. We live half a world away but because we felt (and still feel) so strongly about each other it was an automatic choice to do the whole long distance thing. I have no regrets and we have en... View more

Hi everyone. I met my boyfriend 2 years ago while travelling. We live half a world away but because we felt (and still feel) so strongly about each other it was an automatic choice to do the whole long distance thing. I have no regrets and we have enjoyed many wonderful moments together - luckily able to meet up every 4 to 5 months or so. This ended of course with the pandemic and I had to come home after living 4 months together which was meant to be a whole year. It was heartbreaking leaving him and now we are back to our long distance and face- timing everyday. With the travel bans I am very scared it could easily be over a year before we can be together again. I want to spend the rest of my life with him so I am willing to go through the pain now of these months without him so that we can continue our relationship into the future. I am starting to think that he doesn't feel the same way and I do understand because long distance is no joke. He has had a previous long distance relationship that he ended because he could't handle the distance and that is playing on my mind. Today he said that I should make sure I have friends to talk to as well as him just in case we 'hypothetically' break up so I can cope. Now I am starting to think that he is trying to make me prepared for when he ends it. I have had severe anxiety and depression for about 8 years now and this is really triggering everything off for me and I have been crying everyday. I just can't handle the uncertainty of everything happening at the moment and I am so frustrated because this feels like our relationship will fall at the final hurdle before we can finally be together permanently (he was moving to be with me sometime next year). I also feel silly because I know that people are dealing with much more difficult things and I am not sure if I am overreacting and being too clingy in this situation or if that is just my anxiety lying to me. All i can think about is him and nothing is interesting to me at the moment. I physically want to throw up whenever I think about us breaking up. I don't think anyone understands how much it will hurt to lose him. I am physically in pain being away from him and I feel as if he is my soulmate and he has said the same. I'm not sure if I can talk to him about how he's feeling about the distance (which is really hard because the urge to cry when talking about it is so overwhelming) mainly because I'm so scared of what the answer will be.

Holvee my parents make me feel like a burden
  • replies: 3

Hey, So, I am struggling for words at the moment, frankly I am struggling to get my brain to function haha. The past few weeks have been a real struggle for me and in particular the past few days. i don't have any diagnosed mental health conditions b... View more

Hey, So, I am struggling for words at the moment, frankly I am struggling to get my brain to function haha. The past few weeks have been a real struggle for me and in particular the past few days. i don't have any diagnosed mental health conditions but it's obvious that there is something else going on in my head. I don't talk to my parents about it because I feel so uncomfortable talking to them and honestly it should be my choice who I talk to. Yesterday it got kind of bad and i got out of bed, had a shower, had some breakfast, tried to do some school work and couldn't. My brain couldn't form sentences and I couldn't stop thinking about how much pain I was in (mentally). So i decided the best thing to do was chill for a day and go back to bed, maybe catch up on some sleep and just collect myself. It was feeling really good until my dad came home. He got so pissed off that I had stayed in bed all day. He said to me "If you continue to spend days in bed you're just going to become depressed and your boyfriend isn't going to love you anymore. You don't want that do you?" That made me pretty pissed because it had actually made me feel better and he has NO IDEA what is going. He continued to get angry at me and I didn't say anything the whole time, just "mmhmm", 'yep", "i don't know". I figured that was better than getting angry at him back. He then took my school computer and phone because he thought that would make me tell him everything. I didn't of course. Then my mum came in and started hammering me and also said the statement "You know this isn't normal?" (which is so lovely to hear from your own mother). She tried to get me to tell her everything and I said (repeatedly) "I don't want to talk about it" and don't you think that is a pretty clear statement? Obviously not because this morning she came and sat on the couch and said "spill" and I said "what?" and she just kept saying just tell me and stuff like that. Then she said "there are going to be changes in the family if you don't open up" this makes me think they're going to send me to some hospital or something. Dad did mention the other day "what? do you want me to call a hospital right now and they can take you away?". So, it is obvious they are just trying to get rid of me so someone else can fix me. Just want to mention I am safe and okay. I am talking to the school Councillor about my problems but I just need some advice on what to tell my parents so they stop this. Thanks, Holly

Lyrebird Struggling with partners' afflictions
  • replies: 5

My husband has been unemployed for 18 months. He has been on anti depressants for 3 years. He is far better mentally and emotionally now than he has been for years, but is still abusing alcohol and it (and the drugs) is affecting our intimacy in the ... View more

My husband has been unemployed for 18 months. He has been on anti depressants for 3 years. He is far better mentally and emotionally now than he has been for years, but is still abusing alcohol and it (and the drugs) is affecting our intimacy in the worst way. After years of being strong and carrying the load I am starting to buckle under the weight of it all. And I'm getting angry. Most of the time I do my best to keep things positive and happy, but more often lately I'm frustrated, lonely and feeling more than a little out of control. I had a few counselling sessions with a psychologist and she suggested it was probably okay at this stage to practice a bit of tough love, but when I do speak out (or think about doing so) I feel like a witch. I can't talk to him about the intimacy issues because I feel like it will make it worse, but it's bothering me so much more than I'm letting on. And the reason I'm getting angry is because he seems to think everything is just perfect. Not that I don't want him to be happy. It's all I've wanted for years. I'd just prefer if he didn't seem so okay with no job, a sexless marriage and an alcohol problem. Sorry for the rant. It's my first time using a forum and it kind of poured out. I suppose I'm asking if I'm feeling like a normal person would given the circumstances. And what should I do?

Gumtree77 Nobody Really Gives A ...
  • replies: 4

Hi Yes it is me again. From previous posts you will see that I suffer from pretty much everything! Anxiety..health anxiety...depression..ptsd. I won't bore you all with the story of my life. Suffice it to say it has been traumatic and awful from day ... View more

Hi Yes it is me again. From previous posts you will see that I suffer from pretty much everything! Anxiety..health anxiety...depression..ptsd. I won't bore you all with the story of my life. Suffice it to say it has been traumatic and awful from day one. I am a twin. My twin has succeeded in every area without any dramas. I have succeeded in some areas with a lot of drama. She is so cruel and rude to me. In fact my entire family are selfish and rude and make jokes about me being a hypochondriac etc. Support from any of them equals ZERO. I am feeling so lost and alone. I have been off work for over one year and had surgery on my shoulder 7 weeks ago. That was horrendous and incredibly painful and I am only just getting over it. Today I felt an itch on my shoulder and had a look in the mirror...it is a freckle that has gone scaly. So now I have to see Dermatologist on Monday as I had a melanoma on the other shoulder 4 years ago and have to be checked regularly. I am so over life. I have suffered an enormous amount; from losing my job due to the shoulder injury...losing my beloved doggy in December...my income is now zero so I have no idea how to manage until I get my insurance pay out..now I might have another cancer. I had major cancer phobia last year as had major pain in ear, tongue and throat. Got palmed off by everyone so paid $600 for MRI which was clear. But..that was 9 months ago! Anything could be happening in the meantime! As per my other post.. saw my GP last Monday and he made it patently clear he was sick to death of seeing me. I know that nobody cares. I am always there for everyone else yet when it comes to me it is like I don't exist. I am so sick to death of it all. I am an intelligent and very sensitive and caring soul and I am surrounded by people who are the total opposite. I don't even know why I am bothering to post on here because I am seeking out to strangers and my own family can't even be bothered! Sorry for being so over the top. I just hope someone out there can relate. thanks.

Trade Finding closed schools/kids very hard
  • replies: 1

I know I’m not alone i joined the community as I’m having increasingly scary feelings like breathlessness dizziness crying a lot and eating chocolate a lot my kids in nsw have been home from school for over 6 weeks and I want to kill them. The school... View more

I know I’m not alone i joined the community as I’m having increasingly scary feelings like breathlessness dizziness crying a lot and eating chocolate a lot my kids in nsw have been home from school for over 6 weeks and I want to kill them. The school only started sending work this week. They are finished in under and hour. The school has been so disappointing and I’m really angry. i purchased textbooks and they do that too. For another hour. Then they place computer games 10am-8pm on a good day we go walking on a good day I cook several meals i have no work any longer as I’m a teacher my marriage is in strife the stress is just building up. Usually I go to the gym to cope. Instead I swim and run every day but lately I’m too sad and tired. summer holidays are always very difficult for me as my kids scream a LOT fight and are super demanding and my husband does very little parenting or house work despite a decade of work on that feeling desperate and hopeless and helpless if schools dont go back soon something really bad is going to happen

Ace.x-ray My relationship with my sister
  • replies: 1

My sister, who is 3 years younger than me (she is 28 y.o and I am 30) and I are very close since childhood we would always hang out together in her room because she has a huge smart tv, watching videos on youtube, playing video games or watch movies.... View more

My sister, who is 3 years younger than me (she is 28 y.o and I am 30) and I are very close since childhood we would always hang out together in her room because she has a huge smart tv, watching videos on youtube, playing video games or watch movies. But last night (4th May) after dinner I went to her room so we can watch some tv together but as I sat down she told me that I don't need to hang out with her and that I don't need to watch whatever she is watching on tv and that I can do whatever I want. I just felt confused that this was our thing we would always do and now she just wants to get rid of me. This upset my so much, she has been there through my tough times even with my anxiety and depression, but this just made it worse as I was already having one of those days when I feel blue and down. I don't know if she is sick of me hanging around her or that she needed some space because due to covid-19 she has to work from home and I know her job is hectic. So I decided to leave her alone and go to my room sat down on the floor next to my bed and started crying uncontrollably. I have been rejected before due to not finding work and people who don't understand my shy and quiet personality. No one would want to talk to me as I kept quiet and to myself. This has happened before but In decided to stay and watch tv with her which she didn't mind but this time it got to me and I don't know what to do. I still feel depressed and sad, today she went to her friends house. So I am not going to hang out with her in fear of her telling me off politely and will keep to myself in my room. We still get along very well and never fight but I think that she would abandoned me, or that I need to live my own life and be independent which I still struggle to do as I lost my job and can't find one thanks to this pandemic. In just need some space to sort out my emotional state and maybe talk to my GP about this. When I was bullied at high school I had no friends and turned to her for comfort.

Mr K Single Dad Parenting Plan, what do I need to consider?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I've moved through the grieving process with my wife deciding to leave me after 11 years. I've told my kids and parents, the hardest part for me by a long way. I want at least 50/50 care of my kids and would very happily take more or even 100... View more

Hi all, I've moved through the grieving process with my wife deciding to leave me after 11 years. I've told my kids and parents, the hardest part for me by a long way. I want at least 50/50 care of my kids and would very happily take more or even 100% but know they need their mother too for balance. I just want to make certain I don't miss out on an important detail I struggle to incorporate later down this rabbit hole. I'd love to hear from anyone who has been down this path and who can help point me in the right direction. Cheers, Keith.

smol_one Supporting a partner who needs space
  • replies: 2

Hi, My partner and I both deal very differently with anxiety and depressive episodes. While I prefer to keep my support circle very close when I am going through a rough patch, my partner prefers to take time and space away from everyone. Sometimes m... View more

Hi, My partner and I both deal very differently with anxiety and depressive episodes. While I prefer to keep my support circle very close when I am going through a rough patch, my partner prefers to take time and space away from everyone. Sometimes my partner also asks to take an (indefinite) break from the relationship. When my partner does this, I tend to get very anxious and insecure about our relationship. As much as I know to and try to respect my partner’s space, I find myself trying to get in contact every second day or so (to help ease my own anxiety about the relationship). When I do, I try to do so in ways that communicate I am still there for support should my partner need it and am not expecting a reply. For example, I text ‘thinking of you today, stay safe and well’. However, sometimes my partner expresses my acts of reaching out make them feel guilty (about pushing me away) and worsen the episode. Upon asking how my partner would like to be supported (when there is no current episode), they often reject the conversation and it seems I have upset them. So, from people who have experienced this from either my partner’s side or my own; I would like some advice on how I can appropriately show my support. Additionally, how can I better cope with the time my partner needs away? It really hurts me when they do this and I feel I can’t express that for fear of feeding into their guilt. Thank you. smol one