BB Single Parents Group

[CMF]

Hi all,

One of the things I love about these forums is that as well as dealing with the heavy stuff there is space to chill out and connect with people in in a social forum. After reading threads from other single parents I noticed that many of us feel alone at times, unsupported, we feel we are not doing a good enough job or we are just plain old worn out or frustrated. I thought I would start this thread for all the single parents out there who just want a space to chill out, relax, maybe compare notes, ask for advice and to pretty much know you are not alone.

It's a tough gig, we are all doing the best we can.

CMF

[cakeboss]

Thanks for getting back to me ,i have 2 teenage kids who are great kids.I do my best and i can hide my anxiety quite well around them.They make me very happy and smile .I have support network like family and friends and counciler at moment.I recently had some finacial stress and well you could say the anxiety has crept in .Ive had drs appointments and counciling appointments to cope with the stress .Im trying hard to do the relaxtion cds given.ive had some medication changed and its been making me feel yuck.dr said to hang in give it time.I keep going and keep busy to distract myself.

[CMF]

My 15 yo son does not get along with his dad, not for a few years now. A few weeks ago they seemed ok but had a disagreement last Wednesday and his Dad has now said our sion is no longer welcome in his house. He goes there every 2nd weekend. I explained he cannot just make that call, there needs to be a discussion with me and i also need to agree. I also have a 4 yo and i look forward to a break when my teenagers are with their dad. He rang me re the disagreement and when i tried to explain our son's side he said he would not talk to me if i defended him and hung up on me. Each time i tried to call to discuss he hung up, then the messages started about our sin no longer being welcome. He says i have brainwashed him and now i deal with it. When my ex has a gf which he does now,his behaviour towards his own kids changes alot, not in a good way. Our son has a part time job now and works friday night which means i would have to wake my little one to pick him up if he is not at his dad's, it also means i get no break from having 3 kids full time. He knows our son hateds going there, when i told him he cannot make the call on whether our son goes there or not, that he needs to consider my life and my time he conveniently turned around to say it is not about me but about our son and what he wants. He has NEVER considered what your son wants. His gf lives interstate so he practically lives there and apparently comes back only to see the kids. I'm sure if our son wanted to live with his dad he would not change his life to accommodate that, or if our kids wanted to see him every weekend he would not do that either. So what am i to do? As soon as he cannot handle our son he blames me, says i brainwashed him and other crap that doesn't make sense. He says the kids need to be respectful of his time as he works etc but he is never respectful of my time. He had a function interstate with his gf and it was his weekend with the kids. He TOLD me he could not have them that weekend. He didn't ask if i could have them, he did not consider maybe i had things on, just tells me what to do. He acts as though he is doing me a favour having his own children every 2nd weekend. He always says don't runaway from problems but that is what he is doing my turning his back on our son. Rather than trying to sort out their issues he says he doesn't want him anymore. His gf has 2 perfect boys. He calls them 'son' and plays tennis with them, even drives one to school, unlike his own.

[kanga_brumby]

Ok he may have a full time job he gets paid bucks for, 40 hours. 8 hours X 5 days. Woop de do your on 168 hours at 24 X 7. at no pay no time off. he has time for the pub or what ever. 

You dont deserve it no one deserves being treated that way.

Only single parents realy know the crap we get from ex partners lovers other families sometimes well meaning dogooders. Who have good intent but know squat about the situation. Even though He is your ex he knows squat about the right way to treat you or your lad. Getting a parttime job great fantastic pat on the back to the both of you. both you and son should be proud. thats enough of a rant from me.

Kanga

[Wanting_to_get_better]

This is great to have this thread

i thought I was the only single person with depression

having to function for kids. It's hard. Going from a comfortable life to a life of pure uncertainty

living with friends while ex has plenty of money. House. Boat. New wife.

While the kids and I struggle

51 and having to start all over feels impossible

[CMF]

Hi Wanting to get better and welcome,

you're definitely not alone. I'm sorry you are going through this struggle. It does feel impossible at times but it isn't. One foot in front of the other, day by day. Do your kids see their dad? Do you have time for yourself?

thanks again for joining in.

cmf

[kanga_brumby]

Wanting to get better hi welcome to beyond blue forums Single parents group. There are hundreds of people in the community who are single parents. Who have depression and related issues. The loverly CMF started this thread for support. We as single parents should support each other as much as we can. Giving each other advice or pats on the back. So I hope all goes well for you.

Kanga

[Wanting_to_get_better]

Hi CMF

thank you for having me

yes my son sees his dad once every three weeks and my daughter just talks to him as she is at an age where she doesn't want to be involved in having another mum. But she is happy that her dad is happy

i have time. Sometimes too much. I'm not working for two reasons. My business that was my divorce settlement went broke so I had to close the doors before more debt arose which meant my two older children lost their jobs. And the 2nd reason is I have been given a reprieve from Centrelink owing to the depression

the hardest thing for me to push through is that I didn't think I'd ever be where I am at this age. I'm a young 51 year old as I have been kept so with my children.

Its the not knowing. How will I become financially ok again and be able to support my children like I used to. I would love my own things again before the children grow up and just remember that mum did it tough. I want to be able to put a roof over their heads without relying on others. I used to be such a confident. Well organised and in control Woman. But now all that is gone. I can't even make conversation anymore unless it's about my woes which people choose to avoid as well as myself. As I'm not here to get other people down. I used to be the one helping others and lifting them up. But the feeling of ' not having my own possessions ' is very overwhelming

sorry for depressing talk !!!!!

i just would love like minded people around me. As with everyone I personally know. Not one is without their partner

[Wanting_to_get_better]

Hello kanga

yes I am definitely greatful to CMF for starting this thread. It is nice to know you are not alone.

I would love to be able to help anyone who needs help and support

😀

[CMF]

Thanks you two 🙂

Wanting to get better you are definitely not alone in the way you feel. I too worry about if I will ever be financially ok and have made the right decisions or have I jut made a mess of things. The 'not knowing' and the 'what if's' they drive me crazy too.

How old are your children? Mine are 15,13 and 4. I always worry am I doing enough for them, am a good enough mum. A Lot of big decisions are based around their happiness, even if means I struggle. Do you have your own thread as yet?

Great to have you here.

cmf

[Wanting_to_get_better]

Hi cmf

my children are 25, boy. 22 girl. And two still living at home are girl 16 ( today ). Boy 9

yes you are so right. I put the kids before everything and struggle along in auto pilot

it's like you are just being compliant all the time. No emotion. No feeling. No happiness.

What state are you

therese 🌸