FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Anxious over going to court bc of my mum

bluebelle23xx
Community Member

If anyone has any advice I’d really appreciate it 😔 (I’m in Australia for reference). On Thursday there was an altercation between my narcissistic mother & I. The police were called to the house by her. This was all because a friend of mine turned up at the house wanting to stay the night. I obviously asked my mother because it’s her house and I have respect. When she got home she went off , told me it was a stupid question to ask and basically degraded the hell out of me saying how none of my friends or family like me. There is a very long history of domestic violence in our family. I was not handcuffed , fingerprinted or given a mugshot but I was arrested and taken to the police station. I was kept in a holding cell for 4 hours & released on conditional bail. The said offence is common assault and a provisional avo order is in place for my mothers safety when she’s the abusive one 😡 Police have been called out often but on this occasion it just got way out hand. I do not want a criminal record. This was my first offence. I believe I reacted in self defence after was name called verbally and she got up in my face. From there she pulled my hair and I grabbed onto hers as well and tried to reach for her phone as I believed she was recording me. In the midst of this I grabbed her wrist in self defence. She kept saying I am not her child or daughter over and over again bc of my age (I’m just 20). I have a message where she admits to pulling my hair but says it was in “self defence”. What can I do ? I just wanna know it’s gonna be okay ❤️‍🩹 I have severe anxiety and depression and I feel sick even thinking about going to court - it’s on Monday 😞 I just don’t even understand the point anymore and I’m really hoping I don’t get a criminal record otherwise I’ll definitely spiral downwards as I won’t have a future to look forward too.

8 Replies 8

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome 

I'm experienced in court procedure, part of my training as a prison officer and investigator.

 

1. If you believe the charge against you is wrong eg self defence the don't plead guilty.

2. You say you're only 20yo, you are an adult

3. If a first offence you are unlikely to get a criminal record, bonds, fine without conviction of found not guilty is the magistrates options before a criminal record will be inked in.

 

Now, what are you going to do about your relationship with your mother? Do you have an alternative place to live?. I ask this because due to the number of times there has been reported instances, if the magistrate knows you have or intend to move out, he/she might be even more understanding. 

 

If you intend to continue your toxic relationship with your mother, then remember,  absence makes the heart grow fonder. 

 

TonyWK 

mmMekitty
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hello Bluebelle23xx

I don't want to speak about the details of what happened, because of the corrt case.

I want to ask if yu have a lawyer speaking for you, in your defence? If so, you ought to be talking to them, showing any evidence you think you have which indicates your actions were in self-defence.

If there is a safe place for you to live, then, yes, I'd suggest doing that.

As for saying, if you end up with a criminal recort over this, & thinking your anxiety & depression will spiral down, to the point where you think you may as well 'kms', because you will have nothing to look forward to - you are getting a bit ahead of yourself. Let's just see what does happen.

When you go to court, be sure you are neat & tidy, try to remain calm & respectful, even if you don't feel like that. When you speak, to answer questions, speak clearly, & if yu can, without getting really emotional. Listen carefully to the questions. If a question is confusing, say, "I don't understand". I think you can do that.

I hope that helps.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

All good that’s understandable. I am speaking to a lawyer from legal aid on the phone tomorrow before my first court appearance which is about the AVO mention. My appointment with the lawyer is at 8:30am and court is at 9:30am. I’m not sure if I have been granted legal aid yet or not it’s all very confusing but I have decided I will ask the duty lawyer to speak for me. I don’t have anywhere else to go at the moment but the policed have listed on my paperwork that my mums house is my only residential alternative. I will do my best in court to be respectful (I always am anyhow) and will definitely present myself neatly and tidily. Thank you so much for reaching out x sometimes I just overthink things way too much.

Hi white knight , first of all thank you for reaching out. I do believe the charge is unfair as my mother was verbally abusive to begin with and in retaliation I threw an empty juice box at her but it didn’t hit her and she has no injuries. I spoke to the police as well but was 100% honest and told them I couldn’t remember who hit who first as it’s the truth. We were both as bad as each other. I’ve just turned 20 and while I realise I am an adult now , it is all still very daunting because I’ve never been in this kind of trouble before. I really do hope I get a good behaviour bond section 10 dismissal as I don’t want it on my record and I’m in debt at the moment so not in a position to pay any fine. I am going to do my best to explain the circumstances to the magistrate , I was thinking a letter may be beneficial highlighting my mental health issues , the mitigating circumstances, & the fact that I want to get my license & work in support work eventually. I am going to pray tonight. Unfortunately I don’t have another alternative but the police have listed this on my paperwork. I could suggest that I’d be willing to move out on my own I guess it’s worth a shot. Thanks for your advice and kind words I really appreciate it. Idk what will happen at the mention as apparently my mum isn’t going to show up. 

Hi,

Your mum might not need to be there. Your lawyer will be OK and will make it easy for you.

Unlikely you'll get a criminal conviction, more likely a donation to the poor box or bond. 

I'd suggest a move out would be a priority. A room to a shared house or even a caravan in someone's back yard, think about this and try.

 

You'll be OK, this will make you strong and independent. 

It's not all bad.

TonyWK 

mmMekitty
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi bluebelle

I've been thinking of you. I'm interested to hear how things went yesterday. Would you like to update here?

No pressure to respond

 

Hugzies

mmMekitty

Hi mmMekitty , nothing much has happened yet as court has been adjourned until next month. Thank you for caring and thinking of me. I have a feeling it will be a good outcome.

Hi Bluebelle

It's good to hear you have an optimistic attitude about it.

thank you for the update.

Hugzies

mmMekitty