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Am I making things more difficult then they need to be? Your thoughts are appreciated.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi there,

Those that know me on the forums know my story of the last 5 years. For those that don't, here is a very brief summary.

My little girls' (almost 5 yo) dad has been in and out of the picture depending on when it suits him and he has time. He is a narcissist, has been verbally abusive to me an his parents, cannot accept responsibility or blame, cannot commit, always making excuses. He is 48, still lives at home and basically makes me sick.I have little to do with him except for our daughter. He could have the balilty to be a good dad, he is very health conscious,has her best interests at heart but he is unreliable and still a baby as far as i am concerned. he comes and goes and sees here when it suits him. Two xmas' ago he verbally abused me on xmas day and we did no hear or see from him for 4 months, not even for her bday. He eventually contacted us and started coming to see her again. he was renovating a house and spent every weekend there and no time with here unless he could squeeze in 19 months here and there. He lives with his parents 2 streets away from us, i have no relationship with them and he took her to see them 2 times out of the whole year saying he was too busy with the renovation. The reno is now finished and he wants to spend time with her, this is good but the way he goes about it doesn't sit well with me. He thinks he can just walk in and take over and make up for the last 5 hears in 1 week. Little miss started school 2 weeks ago, he dame first day, but thats it despite having days off work. I am looking to return to work and asked if her could look after her sundays if i could get a job on that day and he replied 'we'll see'. Today he was meant to take little miss out with a friend and his daughter but ti was cancelled so he rang me while i was out shopping and asked if her could take her out for the day. I said yes of course as i have never stopped him wanting to do things with her. He then went on to say that maybe she could sleep at their house sometimes and he would take her to school on Monday's. Well this freaked me out. She hardly know his parents, is not yet comfortable going there , he's done nothing for 5 years and now he wants her to sleep there and on a night before school too. i don't know what game game is playing at. Told him she has just started school, is still adjusting and don't want to upset her routine just yet, she is still adjusting to school. he fobbed me off as usual saying she will be fine.

12 Replies 12

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Wow, what can I say! It's a very different picture to the one I envisaged so thank you. It helps a lot to understand him and see how he interacts with you.

I can see your frustration and irritation.

Do you see a mental health professional? I ask because he/she can help you with ways to manage the ex without becoming exhausted. You could ask your friend if there are any AS support groups for family members of those with AS. Or contact the AS body in your state. The more you understand him the more able you will be to manage his behaviour and also to be less stressed.

Please keep in touch.


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Mary,

i'm trying to get my head around it all. He may not have AS but his behaviour is exactly like the points above. I have always known his behaviour was different, not 'normal' but never thought of AS. I was seeing a psychogist last year and I did a few years ago and funnily enough I told them I was there because I was trying to figure him out and what I wS dealing with. My psych last year said I can't change his behaviour but we can work on dealing with it but I was doing ok and my visits were spread out so when I needed to renew my mhc plan I let it go. It was also a bit expensive despite the rebate.

Im a little stunned. My friend mentioned it because she is experienced with it. She told me some of the things her brother has done and they are like 'him'. Could he really have AS?

Im so drained. He took so much out of me today. He is 'normal' on the surface but when you dig deeper you see his obsession with things and the lack of understanding with basic concepts, has bluntness, high and mighty attitude, his use of technical terms that don't fit into ordinary conversation and everything else.

i went to a psych to work out what I was dealing with and maybe my best friend has worked it out. I just don't know. He drains me. I just can't deal with him, it's too much 😥

Hi everyone, this thread is a continuation of one that is already open, so we're going to close it off.  Please use the original thread below:

Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?