Am I doing something wrong?

[Von is lost]

I realised that I have been single for four years today, with lots of failed relationship attempts in between. I’m almost turning 26 as well, and am starting to get a bit panicky about being single for so long. It’s not that I hate being single, it just baffles me that I haven’t even gotten close to having a relationship in that timeframe. It makes me wonder if I’m giving off weird vibes or doing something wrong or looking in the wrong places for the wrong type of people to date. And that this will cause me to be single for a long long time, and therefore limiting the kind of life I eventually want for myself (kids, family etc.) But I don’t know what to change. I’m finding it hard to stay positive about dating and trusting the timing of things.

[ecomama]

Hey Von,

I kind of read an air of despair in your post.

What kind of "weird vibes" do you think you could be giving off?

You might prefer to get some other POVs than mine lol.
I have a very basic set of ideas around partnering; am totally against online dating & pretence.

So I'm not going to say to change anything about yourself!

What I'm a strong believer in is finding and doing anything and everything you LOVE doing, and DO THEM.
Brainstorm a whole huge bucket list of great, fun things you want to try!
Then get out there.

IMO the most attractive people are those living their BEST LIFE!
They ooze happiness, fun, JOY, contentedness and self-assuredness, probably alot more....

Best wishes
EM

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Good post by Ecomama but I disagree about online dating.

My daughter met her now husband online and he is a gem.

Furthermore, online dating is like a big filter meaning you reduce timewasting by dating non compatible people. You do want that partner with the same goals, age group and interests.

TonyWK

[Guest_4643]

Hi Von is lost.

It can be hard to find the right one in relationships etc these days, so I don't think it's you, many people have this problem. I don't think you're weird and give off weird vibes at all, that's just your anxiety talking. I'm sure you're good in a relationship and can offer good things.

Good luck finding the right one, I hope you find someone who makes you happy.

[geoff]

Hello Von is lost, failed relationships are not necessarily your fault and for the past year and a bit it's been rather difficult, so this hasn't been of any help as people have been nervous and very precarious as to who they want to date, so you can't blame yourself, meeting someone with a mask on.

You hear many different reports on dating sites some positive and some not so good, but you won't know the person until you meet them and Tony's situation was definitely a fortunate one he's very pleased about, but the longer you believe that it's been four years is only going to make you the person you aren't and more hesitate.

In five years time, I wonder whether these four years are going to be remembered or just a distance memory, relax and stop counting the days.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[scat]

You are not doing anything wrong. This time is meant for you to work out who you really are. To find yourself if you like to use that term. I have never been single. I grew up in a time when women were pushed into marriage and babies and now at 55 I am married to a man with a big drinking problem and I am miserable. Use this single time to do something that YOU want to do like study or maybe see a bit of Australia or take an art class. These are things that are nearly impossible once you have children. I love my girls but they put a handbreak on everything, even leaving. My eldest daughter is 26 and has never dated anyone. She thinks all men are idiots. I envy her life, she is her own woman. Marriage and kids is overrated, enjoy your freedom while you have it and live for you

[Von is lost]

Thanks everyone for replying. There are definitely benefits to being single, I guess I just need to focus on those when I feel lonely. I just get sad that I’m experiencing all these things in my life with no one to share them with. But again I guess I need to value myself more

[geoff]

Hello Von, life is strange, when we're married or in a relationship, people want to be let loose and to be alone, realising that there are many commitments involved, while being alone, people want to be in a relationship until they find the person isn't what they had imagined to be.

I wonder if there is any balance between the two of these, well maybe but you won't know until you've experienced this yourself, but remember your thoughts can constantly change.

I was married for 25 years and we achieved a great deal, and definitely loved it, not forgetting the bad times that always seem to dominate the situation, but have now been single for 20 years and would never live with another person again, I have my own freedom, do what I want, when I want and only answer to my puppie.

You can still feel lonely in a relationship or a marriage, that doesn't change, even at work or being at uni with surrounding 'friends' around you.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[scat]

Geoff your words are so true. There is nothing worse than feeling lonely in a relationship