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A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

MisterM
Community Member

Hey all,

This girl from university that is in two of my classes sent me a stern message on Facebook on Friday telling me that I am creeping her out after I sent her a YouTube link of a video of her suburb via messenger. She told me to not send her any more links.
I thought she would find it funny as during classes we've been teasing about her suburb and my suburb.
I did not intend to creep her out at all and felt sick reading her message on Friday. I replied apologising and saying I didn't intend it that way.
To make things worse I actually asked her out on a date about a month ago and she said she's working so I never followed up.

Today was the first time I've seen her since she sent me the message as me and her had to meet up at the library in a private study room to work on our assignment. She seemed okay but after a bit of silence I just apologised again and she said for me not to.
We usually sit next to each other at lectures and classes, in the lecture today I sat away from her.
After the lecture she left the building first and had a good head start towards the train station to go home.
I caught up to her with another friend from uni at a crossing as she was waiting for the green man.
My friend ended up turning left and leaving just me and her to walk a block. It was awkward, we chatted a bit about uni but as soon as we got to the train station she just turned to go to a ticket machine without saying bye, then a few mins later she rushed past me down the escalators without looking at me or saying anything.

I have been very sad and anxious all weekend and the same now.

I feel so devastated as I did not even think of what she accused me of, it was a joke that turned bad for me.
It's got me questioning my character and disliking myself.
Is it because girls think I am a creep that I have never had a girlfriend?

I am also devastated because I was managing my depression/anxiety so well with a change in medication and recently met with my psychiatrist to say the change has worked as I was so happy, even my mum noticed the change and mentioned it to my brother in law.
Now it's all come crashing down, I feel hopeless again and guilty.

59 Replies 59

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi again MisterM

Sometimes we don't know why people act the way they do. If she was more mature or outgoing she might have used some tact.

I work on a road crew once. The boys bought some smelling cans and one by one they stank the bosses van out. It was hilarious. Yet when I did the same he berated me.

Was it because the joke had ran its course? Or he had a foul mood, or didn't like me? The point is, he wouldn't tell me when I asked. So in my mind he had worse fault than me.

Be logical in your mind. There was nothing wrong in asking her out, nothing wrong in joking with her....so on.

Whatever her reason for her behaviour its her problem not yours.

Google: Topic: so what are their mental illnesses,beyondblue

Tony WK

pipsy
Community Member

Hi MisterM. It sounds to me like this girl is ultra-sensitive about her suburb. You've apologised, there's not much more you can do. Was there something specific on the video or just a general overview of the area? I'd be inclined to leave it for now, be nice, smile. Let her know you meant no harm, I know you've apologised, but some people need constant reassurance there was no harm intended. How well do you know her? Perhaps she's just over sensitive and needs time to accept you meant no harm. Try not to beat yourself up, you've been doing so well, don't let this set-back knock you. The girl has the problem really, not you. It has nothing to do with you're never having had a gf, you're not a creep. It could be she's been a victim of a stalker, in which case she's obviously trying to overcome her own fears. Just continue as you have been going, don't do anything differently, don't take her fear on, it's her problem not yours. You're not a mind-reader, how could you possibly know she would react as she did?

Lynda.

MisterM
Community Member

Hi, thank you for your replies.
The video was just of her suburb, the main shopping strip and surrounds with nice acoustic guitar music.
I apologised on facebook after she told me off and also today in person, she told me no need to apologise.

I feel like she does not believe me and I reckon she did overreact.

Apollo_Black
Community Member

Hi MisterM

Can I suggest reading a book called "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr Robert Glover - you can download it from iBooks. There may be some useful stuff you can get from there about dating and moving beyond the "friend zone" thing. He also has some great Podcasts about dating on his website.

Most importantly - testing for interest in women you like is important, however it's important to be outcome independent. ie: if they show little or no interest, move on and don't be upset about it. You'll find the right person for you, who is interested and you'll have a wonderful time.

It sounds like you have to continue to study with her so just keep it business-like from now on and leave it at that. No need to keep apologising nor bring it up again. I know it's hard but don't let it get you down - she's seriously not worth it. Learn from it, dust yourself off, move onward and upward!

Hey Apollo Black.
Thank you for your reply.
I've never had a girlfriend and I am 32 nearly.
Somethings wrong when that's the case.
I've watched self help videos by Corey Wayne which my friend said helped him out with the dating game.
I can't shake it off, lying in bed on my laptop, have uni homeowork but I feel terrible and my head hurts. Plus lack of sleep last night.

So what are you going to do?

Not sure. Keep trying I guess. What else can I do.

Internet dating has come a long way.

The major benefits are, matching compatibility, age, location,professions, interests, if you want kids etc. The filtering effect ...well you'd be dating hundreds to find the ideal person the traditional way.

PS. My daughter us getting married in 2017. She met a truly amazing guy on the net.

Tony WK

Keep trying what?

Be specific. What are you studying? Are you working at the same time? Are you sill living with your parents? Did you get anything from Corey Wayne? Are you going to read No More Mr Nice Guy? Are you going out with male friends and doing guy stuff? Do you have a hobby? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Does your uni study give you a job at the end of it?

It seems that you are stuck in limbo. Need to move forward you do. You can't shake off what? How this girl reacted? You can't control that. Put down he laptop and go for a long walk, nice and fast, see how you feel when you get back. It will pass