5 Year Relationship - Lately things aren't right
So my boyfriend (M29) and I (F23) have been together for 5 years, we now live together in a house he bought and have a dog together, things have been great we talked about marriage, kids and our future together. But things have seemed to go downhill in the past 10 months and I don't know if it to do with my recent depression low or what. Pretty much I have noticed that I seem to annoy my boyfriend now, he is always too tired to talk or even listen after work and never really seems interested in what's going on in my world. Even when I suggest to go away for a weekend or fishing he just shrugs my ideas off.
Last night we were with friends and I said somethings about how laser pointers are bad for dogs (Random I know) and he just shot back shutting it down with a negative comment. I later sat down and told him that the comment was rude to which he replied that sometimes I just say stupid things… which for someone with social anxiety who struggles enough I am starting to feel like I can’t even be myself with him in case i “say something stupid” again.
Recently we found out we have different goals at the moment, mine is to travel and study and his is to save up money to buy his grans house..(which I will hopefully put money into as well) Now I was fine with this, we agreed a solo trip would be great for me but since then he just doesn’t even act interested in my trip, I want to be able to get excited with our future goals together but it just seems like he doesn’t care as he isn’t the one going.
I am trying my best to support him as I am not sure if he’s going through something and not telling me? (I have asked him) but we just keep falling back into this negative pattern where I just don’t feel like I am doing enough to keep him happy and if he is this annoyed now it’s getting harder to see our future together which scares the daylights out of me.
I know its not anyone else's decision but just wanted some feedback or support on the whole situation. Granted I am also not perfect and there are things I am working on for this relationship like how I struggle with constructive criticism and my own personal organisation but I am tired of these ups and downs and just want some ideas on how to get my life back to normal.
(Sorry about the novel)
Your boyfriend is at a different level of maturity in his life, seems focused on work and saving money to achieve real estate goals and a lifestyle hes aiming for
Your goals seem focused on social interaction, getaways and planning a trip away from him and in his eyes he probably sees this as wasteful (in terms of money) and a sign of non commitment to him in that you'd leave him to travel while he continues to work and save for a property you apparently want to buy into
His comments made about you saying stupid things are probably are poor way of saying he sees an immaturity in you
I could be way off on all of this, as it's just an observation from your comments
Thanks for your post.
I disagree with Theborderline about things being about immaturity; I personally don't see it that way at all. I do see a bit of a clash though; it seems like you're unable to really connect and that you seem to have very different goals for the future.
I'm wondering if you've talked to your boyfriend about how you're feeling and shared the things that you've told us here? You both know each other best, and it'd be so hard to say what to do without knowing more about you both and why things might have changed over time.
I also think it's important that you know what you're saying isn't stupid. I am totally the kind of person who would say something about laser pointers for dogs. It's fun for me to come out with random factoids - social anxiety or not. Although now I'm curious about why they're bad.. 😕
I'm not sure if any of this is helpful, but I'm here for you anyway.