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25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

Semiconductor
Community Member

I'm a 25 year old male. I've never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl or been on a date and I am a virgin. I pretty much have no experience when it comes to romance or intimacy. I feel very lonely, unwanted and unappreciated.

I am an introvert by nature and I'm very shy. I'm not the most attractive guy out there, but I do have a good heart and would like to be with someone. I'm quite straight laced and I'm not the party type. I consider myself down-to-earth, polite, kind, considerate, intelligent, tenderhearted, respectful, responsible and genuinely sensitive. I'm not interested in one-night stands or cheap hookups. I value committed, authentic romantic relationships.

I've only known heartbreak when it comes to women. I've really liked several girls over the years and ended up heartbroken either because they didn't feel the same way, they already had boyfriends or I asked them out and they rejected me.

There are times where I feel that I cannot relate to most people my age because I just have not had the same experiences as them. I dread conversations about sex or relationships with my friends. It feels pretty crappy to wonder why everyone manages to get a girlfriend while you’re left in the dust, even when you put yourself out there. It really does makes you feel less of a man.

I'm also extremely worried that because I have literally no intimate experience whatsoever with anyone, girls will not want to get involved with me because of it. I feel like most girls wouldn't want to be with a man that doesn't have any romantic experience at the age of 25.

37 Replies 37

HyperDave
Community Member

Hi Semiconductor,

I fully relate to what your going through, t I understand that your feeling highly upset and tormented about your situation, depressed and broken- its a horrible reality for you to live with.

In my opinion being super nice and being mr nice to women does not tend to spark romantic interest.

The one tip I have heard consistently from guys I know that have had a fair bit of success with women is: Confidence. Of course you may say that's impossible because of your life experience, you have to sort of talk yourself up a bit in your mind, and hide any massive insecurities that you may have πŸ™‚

You can fall into the trap of caring TOO MUCH about every women you meet thinks about you, worrying too much about if you embarrass yourself or make a mistake, you need to think, "I am a good guy, if any given woman doesn't like me , not my problem".

Its important to not come across as too needy or overly interested in a woman.

Also as people have mentioned, it is important that you present yourself the best you can, and are clean, well groomed etc. Preferably your house or where you live should be be clean and well presented as well.

Research more on this, step out of your comfort zone, makes changes, move to another area, whatever it takes. This is obviously important to you, so I hope you can get up and take action, don't let another 5 years slip you bye!

 

Clare1
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Semiconductor,

Let me ask you a question...if you decided you wanted to become an architect, what would you do? If you wanted to be a dentist, what would you do? If you wanted to have the self confidence to go out there and meet someone special, have a lovely evening, maybe get romantic?

It's a no-brainer, isn't it? You would open up Mr Google and find out how and where to go to learn how to do it, right? There are people out there who can teach you and me to do anything! To fly a helicopter or to attract the attention of the fairer sex.

Type in something like "How to become a chick magnet" or "How to be smooth and be swamped by young women". You'll find a lot of ridiculous sites and advice. Ignore the silliest ones, but follow your gut and try some of the better sounding ideas.

Learn how to be the person you want to be. It will take some determination and a lot of hard work, but you can do it if you really want to. Just don't give up. You deserve to be happy, fulfilled, deeply involved in life and loved by a special person. Please give it a go, and keep us informed how you go.

Clare

Gruffudd
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi there,

When I was 18 my Psychologist told me that you attract who you think you deserve, I didn't like him saying that. When I read our description of yourself, there were many things that are deserving, would be a good read on a dating thing, I think being just you and confident that others will find all the good bits would make you just what some girl is looking for. For me it has taken practice, being confident and not being embarrassed about my oddities. I practiced it in the supermarket, in the car, at work, everywhere really. Then one day I met someone at the supermarket at lunchtime, we were both reaching for the last tub of Lemon Yoghurt, I suggested sharing, and we did, we talked over lunch and that was all it took.

One thing I have noticed is that no-one has cared that I am awkward or inexperienced, if they like me they enjoy it regardless. I have worked in aged care, let me say, it is never too late. Start with friendship and see what happens next.

Rob.

Maui27
Community Member
Hi there ...not meaning to belittle your supporters, but in some ways your focus is on the wrong thing. Be rally wary of tying your happiness to what other people may or may not do. You can't control their behaviour - only your own. You can't know how someone will react to you, so don't let it stress you. Similarly, you don't know that a relationship will be the thing in your life that will make you happy. Instead, seek other ways to make yourself happy and one of two things will happen - at least, you'll get to do something you enjoy, but you may also connect with other people ....

soulsolaris
Community Member
Hiya, i can completely relate to you. I am 26 and a female and whilst ive dated people i have no sexual experience and some times i feel really pathetic because i wouldnt have a clue as to what i am doing and probably get anxious so id need someone to be patient with me, lol. Oh and most of my relationships have been online apart from a few due to terrible self esteem issues. But i want you to know you arent alone and you are not pathetic. Alot of us are conditioned into believing you have to have done or be doing certain things by a certain age to be worthy. Ive gotten alot better at accepting that my experiences arwnt other peoples experiences and i do not need to be doing things at the same pace as everyone else and i want you to try and look at things in that way too. As for worrying that a girl might not be into you due to your lack of experience i would seriously question whether a girl is worth dating if they are going to reject you for something as trivial as that. Maybe being open about your inexperience is better because the worst they can do is not accept it and you just move on and find someone who doesn't mind. I garuntee if you put yourself out there and try to find people who are on your wavelength you will probably find some really good people who accept you as you are. I think building self esteem and confidence is important. Im here if you need a friend x

Hi.

Im about the same age and I am in the same situation. I have never had a girlfriend,kissed a girl or had any sort of experience with a girl. At first I thought it didn't bother me at all but in the last couple of years its began to bother me deeply. It doesn't help when a lot of the people you know are in fairly committed relationships and you're still single and it sure does make me feel inadequate compared to others. 

jaysee
Community Member

Dear Semiconductor,

I would like to question some of what you said.

(Apologies if some of this is hard-hitting or offensive. I have an argumentative style. I mean well for you.)

1. "I am an introvert by nature". This probably flies in the face of of science, statistics, etc but I question the idea that any human being is "fixed" in any way, e.g. introvert/extrovert. Maybe you haven't found the right set of friends and associates yet, who would bring our your sociable side.

2. " would like to be with someone". Why is it so important for you to be with someone? How do you know that being with someone would make you feel better? And that something completely outside that category wouldn't?

3. "I'm not interested in one-night stands or cheap hookups." Really? How do you know the right kind of situation and person wouldn't make you re-consider? And that a one-night stand might turn into a relationship? That hookups might not be cheap, but valuable learning experiences, which add to your future relationships?

4. "I've only known heartbreak when it comes to women." What about your mother? Sisters? Female colleagues or acquaintances? The women in your life who aren't ever going to be your girlfriend? Relationships are broader than "monogamous male/female heterosexual sexually-active".

5. "I feel like most girls wouldn't want to be with a man that doesn't have any romantic experience at the age of 25." How do you know this? Have you scientifically studied "most girls"?

6. "most of the girls are into "party mode" which is something I'm just not into". You're in a small mining town where you feel isolated from people. How do you know that, given a different situation, with a group or even just one friend who loves you, and you feel comfortable with, you wouldn't have an easy and fun time partying it up?

7. "After having this said to me over and over again, I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me." Wrong with you, or wrong with the combination of you and that other person?

8. "Plus, it's safe to say that most women won't want anything to do with a guy who hasn't even been kissed at the age of 25." Again, I question this.

I achieved incredible things during the 20-something years that I was a virgin. I look back and feel completely proud of myself, and wouldn't change a single thing, including the virginity. I hope you will feel that way, someday.

I may elaborate further on my experiences in a future reply.

Ed209
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Semiconductor,

It's not easy for everyone. What comes naturally to some must be learned by others. Being in a mining town, I know you have very limited opportunities to meet someone. What you can do is personal development. There are a number of sites that help build confidence, one in particular, is the MenProvement Podcast. It aims to help men be the best they can be in all aspects of life (dating, financial, grooming, diet, exercise etc). One podcast presented the dating issue in another way, having fun. That is the aim. When you are full (of confidence, zest for life, fun) you have plenty to share and that is infectious partners pick up on this and want to spend time with somone that is having so much fun. It takes time, but personal development is a journey and hopefully leads to an enjoyable destination. Good luck on your journey.

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Semiconductor, I feel like I'm in a unique position to put your mind at ease, having started recently dating a 34 year old virgin. When we first met I had no idea and we got on so well and I could see what a kind, caring, respectful and shy guy he was that I was immediately attracted to him. I wasn't aware at the time that he was a virgin and it was only after we had slept together the first time that he apologetically told me. In hindsight he did seem very nervous but so are most guys so there's no way to actually tell the difference. It didn't matter to me at all and truth be told, after dating a whole bunch of sleazebags like many women, it was really nice and a bit exciting. I think most women would actually be really understanding and find it refreshing. And if you don't want to say, then we'all never know, it's just because you're so hyper aware of it. You'll find most women are really understanding and happy to take the lead and guide you through it. So try not to be self-conscious and down on yourself about it, it will happen.

2shygirl
Community Member

hi i just had to say hi, if you want to flirt, I am here to please

you sound like a dream, and I totally blushing reading your posts, I am happy that you exist in the world.You will make some woman very happy one day

watch a movie if you like but please don't see an escort! you can talk to me instead. I watched a dating show once and the 'coach' advised the 'student' to go to bars to pull chicks. I got so angry ( I am very passionate sometimes)please know that your innocence and purity is a gift that you could even give to your wife she would love it! wouldnt she girls?

I have girl friends like the guys mentioned here that get around and that is fine if that is what you want. but trust me there are nice quiet ones out there too. like rare diamonds, you may have to search for them.

if you do move you could try going to the library, the theater, volunteer groups,church even . what music do you like? dont go to the ballet unless you like it too, then youll be sincere,

In the meantime be patient. find a hobby,musical instruments are good.something you really enjoyed as a kid, it will give you something to talk about with your new friend

balance is what makes the world so wonderful, diversity makes the world go round.All the different animals and landscapes. we are all unique

so now you know