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25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.

Semiconductor
Community Member

I'm a 25 year old male. I've never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl or been on a date and I am a virgin. I pretty much have no experience when it comes to romance or intimacy. I feel very lonely, unwanted and unappreciated.

I am an introvert by nature and I'm very shy. I'm not the most attractive guy out there, but I do have a good heart and would like to be with someone. I'm quite straight laced and I'm not the party type. I consider myself down-to-earth, polite, kind, considerate, intelligent, tenderhearted, respectful, responsible and genuinely sensitive. I'm not interested in one-night stands or cheap hookups. I value committed, authentic romantic relationships.

I've only known heartbreak when it comes to women. I've really liked several girls over the years and ended up heartbroken either because they didn't feel the same way, they already had boyfriends or I asked them out and they rejected me.

There are times where I feel that I cannot relate to most people my age because I just have not had the same experiences as them. I dread conversations about sex or relationships with my friends. It feels pretty crappy to wonder why everyone manages to get a girlfriend while you’re left in the dust, even when you put yourself out there. It really does makes you feel less of a man.

I'm also extremely worried that because I have literally no intimate experience whatsoever with anyone, girls will not want to get involved with me because of it. I feel like most girls wouldn't want to be with a man that doesn't have any romantic experience at the age of 25.

37 Replies 37

MEddy
Community Member

G'day Sc

Please don't think you are a loser mate, not at all, it sucks that you live in such a rural area to but try some cafes and stuff maybe try google and see if there is any social groups πŸ™‚ I'm 26 so we are around the same age and I think it's really cool to know there is someone else out there that isn't into hook ups and that.

Hope I have helped in someway mate.

jammajammamohuma
Community Member

Hi Semiconductor

gosh your story sounds like a very typical young person. I was brought up listening to the "smiths" and all that music that resembled what its like to be a young person and I know how heart wrenching and lonely it is. 

your actually in the best position and age to meet someone that is genuine. yes I got through highschool without even have kissed a girl while all my friends had girlfriends and dealt with issues of pregnancy. being dumped and cheated on and having multiple partners. it was pretty heavy. even my parents started to wonder if I was gay or something. even I would question it myself. I started working in a supermarket which is a pretty crappy place to work but had really good social aspect. I would like maybe not really get into it at first but it goes like this: you may talk to a person every once in a while and that once in a while may get to be more frequent which is an indication the other person likes you. yes it may take a long time but things evolve. (pretty sad I know.) Also clubs like gym classes you dont have to talk to anyone but you become a regular you talk to someone sometimes then more frequent ...etc. see where Im going. 

you just need to get yourself out there. for you. I had a friend that met there partner playing online games though gaming chics arent people you meet online all the time. there are the chat websites which I dont really trust , theres dating websites which can be a bit of trial and error and theres lots of sleazy opportunist on there that really just want nothing more to get into girls pants. 

my point is if your out there your on the market. there are plenty of places for introverted likeminded people. being part of the community is a start.

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies and input. I really appreciate it. I would have replied to this post earlier but life has gotten in the way.

Living in a remote mining town there are very little opportunities to really get out and about apart from bars and clubs. I go out with friends to the movies occasionally and I recently began playing mixed Futsal socially. However the ratio from men to women is around 10 men to 1 woman so the amount of women I have to meet is quite limited (single that is). I plan to move sometime next year.

The thing is I'm just too shy and awkward to approach women. It's just too hard. I have tried and every time have failed miserably and learned nothing from it. I can't flirt or chat up woman. I just don't have the confidence to do it. A few weeks ago I went through a really dark period where I considered going to an escort to loose my virginity because I was just so down in the dumps and frustrated about my situation and yearned to experience intimacy and be loved. I told a good friend about my intentions and he talked me out of it. He made me realize a few things, put things in perspective and put my mind at ease. 

My feelings about my situation are a little better than they used to be but I still have days where I get very upset and down on myself about it all. I find myself in a Catch-22, I'm depressed because I'm a virgin and I've never had a girlfriend, and a virgin who has never had a girlfriend because I am depressed. Seeing my friends with their girlfriends kills me sometimes. I often think "Why can't I have someone in my life?". Then I have days where I think I should just give up on women and go join the priesthood and live the rest of my life in celibacy. 

Hi Semiconductor,

It must be really tough being in an area where there just aren't the women to meet in the first place. Maybe if you do move then your will have different opportunities to meet women.

It is wonderful you were able to share how you felt with your friend. He obviously gave you some wise words. Yes, it may have been a wonderful experience for you, but I don't think you have felt any sensation of LOVE that was real from the lady.

There are those of us who are married and no longer have sex for one reason or another. That is tough as well.

It must be tough seeing your friends with their girlfriends. Do you find it hard to chat with these women as well? Maybe you could try and have conversations with them and see how you go. It might help to build up your confidence.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

 

tulpa
Community Member
Hi everyone, I'm 29 and don't even understand sex intimacy, I've never had a girlfriend been on a date or kissed a girl it is becoming increasingly unlikely that I every will. All I ever seem to do now is get angrier and lonelier I don't know what I can do about it. All the advice I seem to get starts with, you're a great guy but...

KateMate
Community Member

For what it's worth,

I am a similar aged female, with some sexual experiance, but I wouldn't consider a guys sexual experiences before dating them.

I think for most girls interested in long term relationships at our age... personality, how they treat others, and being a good friend would be much more important. I have never asked about someone's experiance before dating them, or even going further, it would only come up as part of a safe sex talk or conversation about ex's. 

I would suggest that it is hard for lots of people to find partners, especially shift workers and people who don't like to drink to socialise. It feels like a big deal to you, but it probably isn't to the right girl and she won't know until you tell her, and then it can spark open and honest conversation about something that we probably rush into, (personally) - feeling like the other person knows more about what they are doing, I'm doing it all wrong etc.

Keep looking, female friends can help build confidence and introduce you to more woman as well, and taking it slow is great too! 

Kate

MisterM
Community Member
If it makes you feel any better, I am 31, greying hair, never moved out of home, unemployed, only one friend, and never had a girlfriend or sex.

It seems there is pretty enough empathy and shares from people for you. So, I'll give you some useful advices for your issue. First, if your worries about your lack of experience bother you too much, you need to solve it. I mean, if hiring a hooker doesn't make you feel so guilty, just go and try it. At least, it will get you some confidence. Second, if you want your 'right' girls to love you, you have to find out the way to become the their 'right' guy. A love is not defined as being 'nice' and loyal to each other. Love is the way you get broken heart for another person. If you want a girl to fall in love with you, you have to make her interested first. Don't be a boring nice guy, be an interesting good guy. Besides, if you want a good tip to improve yourself, try this 'Stand up, go outside and ask for a number of the fourth girl you'll meet'. Do it and your self esteem will increase in secs

BigJ
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi I have had the same experiences at you did and it really is a place that you don't want to be.  If you have a job where you can talk to girls that helps. If you don't not to worry having a girl as a friend is a great way to hook up because they might help you with it, it's as if she was like your best mate and he helps you out.

Think positive and say to yourself it doesn't matter if this girl doesn't like you I'll try the next girl, thinking of asking multiple women too is a good idea also.

Woman Like interesting and confident guys, get to know her and once you know her find something interesting to her and make her laugh too she will love this.

look up some positions in books or even online there's plenty of stuff out there to bring your confident up especially if she hasn't done it before . Sex is not the most important thing in the world if she is experienced at sex she will look after you so finding woman with experience is great also.

So go out there and do this.

g_m_p
Community Member

SC

You have to like yourself first before you can get anyone else to like you

How is your grooming/fashion etc?...best you can be?

I have joined meetup- there are heaps of things you can do-keep yourself in circulation-travel to another town/city? every so often

note- I am married and haven't had sex for 10 years-true-and was one of those guys who played the field (100+)

we all have our demons

Good Luck