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24yrs together - now I’m on my own - how do I live without her ?

Community Member

I have been with my female partner since we were both 22yrs old. We r now 45yrs old. Been together for 24yrs & not long separated on mutual terms (so I thought).

2wks after I move out to live apart but still b a close family unit with our 2 beautiful girls aged 9 & 11yrs. I go to the family home & my instincts tell me something is different! Alarm bells r ringing. Yes she has a new girlfriend! After 2wks !

Im so devastated - this female is 22yrs old & works with my partner ! Now I’m dead inside - I cannot even look at her - go to our family home as I do t want confrontation or see anything like the other girlfriends car etc !

My ex-partner says we were over many years ago & I agree yes but it is so soon for me but not for her. She says it did not happen over night so they must have had feelings when I was still living there !

I have to accept I have been replaced already. I’m grieving so much I could not eat - I cry all the time - I’m lost how to live on my own. I want all of us to b happy & move on - like she has but I just cannot as I wanted the white picked fence line everyone does !

We have a 26yr old dog that I cannot see cause I cannot go to the house !

The new female is 22yrs old - I think it’s not right as she could b our daughter at that age ! She says I’m an ageist !

Thanks for listening x

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi welcome

I see why you are upset but in this sensitive period you understandably have a few things out of perspective.

The age gap is irrelevant.

The new relationship is for them to have and it likely did begin a while ago giving you good reason to be saddened but everyone is different.

The dog, grieving, moved from your home, lost neighbors etc all take their toll. It’s time to get some confidence and build a new life. Sounds easy.

Fill your time with distractions , focus on your children and care for your health. Find a family solicitor and secure rights to your kids through a court process. Organise meetings with you ex away from the family home and try to maintain a friendship for a friendly communication base for the kids sake.

Ive endured 3 split ups all over 7 years duration. In 12 month time things would be settled and life will be better

I hope I’ve helped


Hi NeuMei,

How do you live without a person you love? One day at a time..at first it will be hard, you’ll search for their face in everyone, everything will remind you of them, your memory will play tricks on you and make you think that they were the most perfect individual (even if they weren’t!). But with tune, things will get easier, you’ll find yourself laughing more, thinking of them less. All humans move on, that is the reality of things. My 70-year uncle with Parkinson’s was left by his wife of 42 years. He thought he was done, that no one would ever love him again, but he now has a new girlfriend. Human beings crave companionship and so moving on is a natural accompaniment to that. I would take some time to focus on you, do some things that you’ve always wanted to do, or just go out for brunch in the sun, whatever gets you out of the house and around people. I can hear the pain in your words and I’m sorry for that but time really does heal even the deepest of wounds.