Will I ever recover from my dads sudden death *Trigger Warning Domestic Violence*

[Emo]

Hi Everyone,

I’m not sure where to start. It’s been two months since the sudden death of my dad and I feel more heartbroken now than when he first died. I feel like I’ll never recover. It’s like I’m drowning in grief. His death has made me face the other things that I am experiencing in my life like domestic violence being perpetrated by my husband.

I’ve been suffering abuse for years but I’ve had to hide the abuse from everyone as it’s my shame for putting up with it for so long. It’s a secret which I’ve tried to keep buried deep inside myself but it’s now come to the surface after my dads death. I’ve been trying to hide marks from everyone by wearing really thick makeup and always wearing long sleeves even during summer in 44 degree heat. I believe I’ve been able to hide it all from everyone but now I’ve reached my limit.

To try to avoid the worst of the abuse I’m sleeping in my car which is keeping me a bit safer as the nights are the worst. It’s been so cold that I’ve been lucky to get more than 2 hours sleep a night. I’m just so tired. I’m still with my husband as I believe I deserve the abuse. Maybe if I’d let him do whatever he wants to me he wouldn’t hurt me as much.

I feel like I don’t deserve anyone to care about me after years of name calling and being put down. I believe that I’m worthless and maybe looking at me does make people ill. Maybe I am lucky to have my husband. I’ve tried to get a counsellor but where I live they don’t want to take on new clients. I’m just really struggling with the awful thoughts that are going through my head.

I’m just so very sad about everything. I’m starting to wonder why I bother continuing on with my life when there’s nothing to live for anymore. My dads death has made me realise that without the close bond we had I now have no one else to talk to.

My mother isn’t someone I can talk to as we never got along. My dad was the person that was a buffer between us who stopped us fighting. I understand she’s grieving too but it’s different with her as she’s already talking of dating again even though she was married to my dad for 51 years.

I’m sorry about the length of this post but once I started opening up about the awful things I’m experiencing it all just came flooding out. It feels so good to be able to talk about my life anonymously. Thank you for listening.

[ecomama]

On Sundays most Churches are open.
You can get food from many Churches.
ASK, they want to help!

On Saturdays the Seventh Day Adventist Churches meet.
Please call their number!
PLEASE ASK THERE... they will envelope you in love and support, from my experience.

ANY DAY call the Salvation Army, ask them for emergency accommodation and FOOD.
They usually have a food truck etc.
They (plus many other organisations) can fully furnish your new place later.
For now they can give you food and clothing.

You need to flop yourself into Centrelink ASAP and get benefits paid asap and GET HELP.
Their Social Worker (IME) will work really hard to support you.

GETTING LINKED IN IS THE KEY.

Yes it's exhausting but you can do it.

Tranzcrybe mentioned getting your stuff... I understand the Police can help you IF your name is also on the mortgage / lease agreement.
I understand they will accompany you without an AVO / DVO... if this gets tricky come back.

Food, shelter first.

EMxxxx

[Sophie_M]

Dear Emo,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you. 
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 
 

[Ggrand]

Hello lovely Emo...

Im just calling in to see how your going...and letting you know that I’m thinking about you sweetheart..

Im a bit concerned as we haven’t heard from you for a couple of days..that being said..theirs no pressure to reply to this post...

I hope so much that, you have been able to contact some type of support and they are helping you to get some accommodation and food...

Sending you my care and love dear Emo..

Sitting with you, here for you dear Emo..

Grandy..

[Emo]

Hi Grandy,

I'm sorry if I worried you. Thank you for caring about me. I've made a terrible mistake, my husband was emailing me and I replied. Don't worry I'm paying for that mistake physically. I'm really struggling to find a reason to go on. I just feel like my life is over, I'm homeless, jobless, my marriage is falling apart, I've lost the greatest person in my life, my dad and my mother isn't understanding of my situation.

I'm trying to find positives but I don't believe there are any. I'm unable to reach out to to the Beyond Blue support service as suggested by Sophie M as I don't have a phone. I feel so trapped.

I'm sorry, I'm trying but I'm so exhausted, I wouldn't care if I went to sleep and never woke up. I just want the pain to end. I'm so sorry, I just feel so alone.

Regards,

Emo.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Emo,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear how alone you are feeling this morning. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 
 

[Sophie_M]

Dear Emo, 

We have provided you with  services you can reach out to for extra support this morning. If you are not feeling safe at the moment, do call 000 or try going to a nearby hospital.

Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) 
Lifeline (13 11 14) d
Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732

Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 
 

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Emo,

Sorry to hear you are feeling at a low point lately.

Replying to your husband's email was a confident step to assert yourself... did you? Without the capacity to be physically abused, were you able to request the things you needed while standing firm on your rights for safety and dignity? Your husband has a role to play here by accepting that you will not tolerate abuse. As opposed to dictating terms, negotiation is required to find a workable solution - he must support you for any progress to be made. Yes, you are suffering still, but with a desired outcome for change - either from your husband, or for yourself.

You are not homeless, but unable to live in an abusive relationship and so choose your safety. Your life is not over, just the lifestyle of abuse that you endured. The survival of your marriage rests with your husband to remove the abusive treatment, and not in relinquishing your rights to self respect.

Keep seeking support services and medical assistance as required, Emo. I am proud of what you have achieved with your strength of conviction.

Kind regards,

t.

[Ggrand]

Dearest Emo...

I would be very devastated if you didn’t wake up..

Im wondering if you have a Salvation Army or a St Vincent De Paul around where your staying..both of these charities can help you with food coupons and clothing if you need it...Please don’t be afraid to reach out to them...I remember when I was living in my car with my young son..I reached out to them and they helped me...with both food and clothing...

You are trying so hard lovely lady..and I’m so very proud of you for doing so....

Emo..If you turned up on your mothers doorstep..and told her you desperately need her help in the way of a warm bed and food, maybe in exchange for you helping her around her home etc...just until you can organise something else for yourself...It’s worth a try Emo....I mean she is your mum, and I honestly don’t think that a mother ever stops loving or caring for her child....Please Emo...give it a try.....

Emo....honey, please continue to keep us updated on how you’re doing, when you feel up to it....

My kindest thoughts with prayers dear friend...hugs 🤗🤗.

Grandy..

[Emo]

Hi Tranzcrybe,

I'm so sorry. Please don't be angry with me but I went back to my husband. I should never have read or replied to that email from my husband but I did. He knows just what to say to me to get me back. I was so low, emotionally and mentally that I just fell for his promised words. Maybe in some weird way I missed him. I guess I'm used to being with him.

It was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I need to not accept any communication from my husband moving forward or I will go back to him and I could end up dead. I don't say that lightly. I know I'm not supposed to go into details about what horrific things he did to me but it started as soon as I walked in the door. He was so angry with me, I saw the hatred in his eyes. I wanted to believe the words he said in the email but it was all lies.

The abuse was so bad, I know I passed out for a while due to the pain. I'm so ashamed that I fell for it again. I don't deserve any help or treatment as I went back to him. I deserved the terrible abuse. I can't get medical help as I put myself in this position. I'm treating my injuries myself but I'm scared. I looked at myself in a mirror before and all I saw was a shell of a person. I feel like I'm dead inside. I'm never going to be able to come back from this. I'm struggling to see the point in living. I'm not sure what's left in the world for me any more.

I'm so sorry, I'm just so scarred emotionally and physically. I just need to let him do what he wants to me. I can't fight him anymore. I'm so very sorry.

Regards,

Emo.

[monkey_magic]

Hi Emo,

Call 000. You deserve some medical attention.

Let the hospital staff take care of you. They want to help.

I think they will take you more seriously this time.

It's the best thing U can do for you. Then your mind can be put at ease.

🌼