When is beyond lost?

[Feelbeyondlost]

Well here I am about to turn 28. 3 kids a beautiful partner for the better part am now facing a court date that could send me to jail with charges that I shouldn’t be charged with I have ligament & nerve damage in my wrist from nsw police and now also multiple past suicide attempts I want to know when is enough I remember a loving kid who cared even after the 9 years of abuse me and my mother faced, and my dad took me away to live with his partner while he tricked around aus, and was abusive when he was home I got out when I could come down to be with my maternal relatives and that’s when it started going down hill I disclosed what my uncle had done tore the family got called a liar got threatened my mums mum and 2 brothers believed me as well as mum then I hit drugs for many years got clean when I had my daughter with the mother that had cheated on me from the first 3 weeks and for the whole 3 year relationship I pretty much solely raised my daughter for the first almost 2 years then once I finally had enough of her taking off for weeks on end and broke it off and agreed half custody each she up and ran left me with debt the whole lot hit the drugs for another year solidly got my self in a whole lot of trouble then I got clean again but for me cause I knew I would end up dead or in jail ironic right with my past suicide attempts but I did 2015 here we are 2021 after fighting for 5 years in family law court I won sole parental custody after the  abuse my daughter experienced I now find myself back in family law court which the mum is taking me back to court because of my recent suicide attempt even though my partner took the kids out way before that we know my mental health was slipping I want to know how we as a society have become so contempt in a chaotic slippery slope I’m tired I’m lost I’m starting to think I’ll never be found is there a point of no return or is there a turning point because at the moment the lines are very blurred and my question is am I beyond lost ?

[Sophie_M]

Welcome to the forums, Feelbeyondlost, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community
You’ve clearly gone through an immense amount of hardship and done your best for yourself and your kids, and reaching out for support like this is a deeply brave and valuable step. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
In the spirit of finding support that suits your needs, I’ve included a number of links that I hope could be useful for you, and also encourage you to keep reaching out here, too.
 
Beyond Blue Support Service 
Available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 
Mensline :1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/ 
 
If you’re worried for your safety we encourage you to contact 000, but you can also contact these two numbers to get some supports:
 
Suicide Call Back Service : 1300 659 467
Lifeline : 13 11 14
 

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I am a little confused from your post, but at the same time I can see you have gone through a lot in your life and now facing an uncertain future with a court case. As Sophie_M said, to write here, and to share your story is a big step. Perhaps you might want to tell me about the person your feel is lost and are looking for? I am interested in hearing about them.

[yggdrasil]

Hi mate,

Thanks heaps for sharing on here. You've been through some heavy stuff. The short answer is NO, you're not lost. Life can be brutal and it's hard to hold onto love for ourselves and others when there is so much pain. You are not lost. You can get through it. Take it one hour at a time, try to make the best choices you can each hour, and bit by bit they will grow. You're carrying a lot of weight from the bad behaviour of others. But the right thing to do is show yourself as much love as you can, and do everything you can to help your recovery. Do all the things you can think of to increase your sense of mental calm: walks, runs, whatever works. I did a bunch of those "colouring for adults" books when I was really bad.

I've used all the services Sophie_M has posted about, and want to really echo what she's saying. All these services have helped me at various times. They can help you start to find stable supports to help you through. If you see a GP you can ask them about a Mental Health Care Plan: these allow you to see a psychologist or social worker for free. Your not lost mate. It's the hardest thing in the world but you've just got to hold the fort, and keep making all the little changes you can think of bit by bit. Writing things down so you can reflect on them and plan helps. I downloaded a bunch of "Schema Therapy" worksheets from the web and just worked through them myself and it really helped.

I'm glad you posted on here mate. Keep talking and thinking and you can start to turn it around.