Im losing the love of my life..

[MummaF]

I have made many mistakes over the past 12 months the biggest one being I did the worst thing possible in a relationship - being unfaithful. Something I will never forgive myself for. I have had to hold on to the guilt and the decision I made not to come forward and now I'm paying the consequences.

There has been 2 occasions and one I hoped I never had to relive. January this year I was taken advantage of by someone that I classed as a mate and although I'm his eyes I may have given him the wrong impression he forced himself on me and I had no control. Gut wrenching! I never did anything about it as I was so scared and while I have had break downs over it I just wanted to forget. I dealt with this mostly in silence.
Second time I made the wrong decision (my head cloudy with lots of alcohol and drugs) and I made a completely life changing decision and not in a good way. We were friends and agreed it wasn't to happen again. I have been holding onto this for nearly 6 months and I poured my heart out to my closest friends. But now it's come out and my partner has been told of my mistakes. I have hurt him so bad, he is so angry at me - swearing at me, saying I basically asked to be taken advantage of, telling me he hopes my girls never turn out like me etc. Iv lost him, and I have lost myself. I'm trying to fight for him and I'm making changes to prove I can be that girl again he loved so much. My partying ways distroyed our relationship but he was hanging on but now he can't anymore. He deserves to be angry and I deserve to cop what ever comes my way - I'm trying so hard to keep my head above water for my two beautiful girls and each day is a battle. How did I become this person and why have I hurt the one person that I truly love. And now I'm losing him.. I'm nothing without him by my side. I would give anything to try and make this work I really would 😞

[Annie40]

You are not a bad person will lose our way in life sometimes. Life is hard. You just need to focus and you and your girls and I am sure everything will work out for the best.

[Sophie_M]

Thank you for reaching out on the forums tonight. We are so sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. We can hear that you are distressed and worried about your current relationship and coping with an episode of sexual assault . We are deeply sorry you had to experience this and that you couldn’t talk to anyone about it. We are really glad you have shared this here. We are also sorry that your partner has called you names that have further added to your pain It takes a lot of courage to open up, and we hope that you find some comfort by being part of this community. You deserve kindness and to be treated with compassion and respect.

We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to support to those who have been through trauma like this. You can contact them anytime on 1800 737 732 or https://www.1800respect.org.au/  

Please also know that the lovely counsellors at Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are available to you 24/7 during your most difficult moments. Many of our members will also understand and may be able to help.
Please keep posting here to let us know how you’re doing, whenever you feel up to it.
 

[Truc]

Hi MummaF

I had similar experience in my relationship, I hope my advice can be relevant to yours, I think we are humans, we all make mistakes someday, a mistake can be big or small depending on how we see it, and of course when we made mistakes we apologize and try not to make the same one, sometimes our loved ones do not accept our apology, I think it is normal, different people have different levels of tolerance for forgiving, nobody would have the same level I suppose, however, we do our best to apologize and promise to change, if they do believe us and give us a chance, it is good, if they dont it is still good, what do I mean by that ? When 2 people were not meant to be, I think whatever we try, it does not change much, kids are the strongest bond to connect 2 people together I suppose, but if the bond like that can not also help, so maybe we are not meant to be for sure. Maybe that was something we had to pay for to learn about love and relationship, to me, it is a good lesson for us to move on and to live better. Everyone is strong in my opinion, we are strong when we have responsibilities, we are strong when we are being rely on by someone, we are strong when we are helping others who are weaker, we are strong to many struggles if we have something to protect... I hope it is helpful.

[MummaF]

Thank you everyone!
It's been a very hard day today as it's my birthday and while I have tried to get out an about, it's so hard to try and be brave when my heart is breaking. I can't even imagine how my partner is feeling!
All I want for my birthday is for him to hug me and say we will work through this together. I know it's alot for me to ask for from him right now, but I would give anything to make it right again..

[white knight]

Hi, mumma, welcome

What beams out to me from your post is- lifestyle e.g. partying. You are a mum, time to remove partying from your life don't you think?

The reason that is so obvious to me is two things mixing- alcohol and friends= temptations when drinking.
This is not including that person tgat forced himself upon you. That is unacceptable.

Lifestyle change won't change the past but it will improve your future.

Life is full of lessons. You're paying a high price for losing control. I hope you soon realise that although he's the live of your life, your future can include someone new that you'll be faithful with.

Be positive.

Google this

Beyondblue topic who cries over spilt milk?

TonyWK

[MummaF]

Today I wrote a letter, was the hardest letter I have ever had to write.
While my apologies are not being heard which I completely understand right now I felt like maybe if I wrote it down he may read and hear my sencerity.
A 3 page letter hand written and placed on his desk to read when he is ready.

I have noticed that he has been home for a couple hours and he hasn't touched it, I know he has seen it but maybe he is waiting until he is alone to read it.

I didnt ask for him to forgive me or try to justify why I made some bad decisions - but for how truely how sorry I am for the hurt and pain I have caused not only him but our little family.

I'm not sure how he will take it, but I hope it doesn't get thrown back in my face 😞

[MummaF]

I don't know what to do
A bit of back story - last November my partner found out I was unfaithful and after denying it for days I finally came clean. I'm absolutely gutted I have caused so much grief and anger deep inside of him! I hate myself for it. We are currently still living in the same house separate room etc. 5 months on it has been a roller coaster with many lies and some ups when I feel like we are getting on track not getting back together just being good for our 2 beautiful girls. He wants to sell our house but I'm meeting with a broker next week to see if I can buy him out so I can keep my children's home.
What I am struggling with us the emotional abuse - just last night he stormed into my room at 3am while my 9 year old was sound asleep next to me getting angry because apparently I'm still being dodgy!!! He said for me to get out the house and pulled all my hanging stuff out my wardrobe and threatened to dump I outside but then decided to throw it on too of me in bed( again while my daughter was sleeping) I had to call my mum to help calm things or it was going to be the police... He has threatened to mess with my work, cut our mortgage payment in half so then it would default and stop me from getting this loan to pay him out, spying on me through house cameras, checking internet usage and my girls are always around it and cry and say stop fighting. When I told him we would have to go court or something to get an arrangement in writing for the kids he told my 5 year old I was going to take her away from him.
I am on medication for depression I see a psychologist anywhere from 2 weeks to 4 weeks apart I want my family to be together I love him so much and wish I could turn the time back.. I also understand he deserves to be hurt and mad but how much so I have to our up with and especially around my girls...I'm so lost and I'm slowly breaking as a person - I made mistakes I am no way proud of but I'm not a bad person and I'm really trying to be a better person.

[Sophie_M]

Hey MummaF,

Thank you so much for reaching out and keeping the community updated on how you've been going. It sounds like things must be feeling incredibly stressful for you at the moment while you are both living in the same house, and we are so sorry to hear what you've been experiencing. Please know that you are strong and important, and have the right to live without fear and worry of this kind of emotional abuse. Our caring community are here to help offer as much support and advice as you need through this difficult time- you never have to go through this alone.

We can hear that you're taking some important steps in getting support for yourself, and we'd also encourage you to reach out for some extra help in between appointments whenever things are feeling tough to cope with. The understanding counsellors at 1800RESPECT are always available to you on 1800 737 732, as well as through online chat (https://www.1800respect.org.au) and have a lot of experience offering support and advice to anyone experiencing domestic or family abuse. Please also know that our Support Service is available to talk these feelings through anytime on 1300 22 4636, as well as through webchat (1pm-midnight AEST) at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

We hope that you feel welcome to keep reaching out here whenever you feel ready- this is a safe and non-judgemental space to open up about your feelings, and we're all here to help you through this.

[white knight]

Hi again,

I'm sorry for you that you are continuing to cop abuse. That is unacceptable.

Have you suggested relationship counseling?

The issue with your house might be inflaming his thoughts. He could be thinking - she has an affair, will have the kids 90% of the time and keeps the house. I'm merely saying this so you can see his side.

What about moving out yourself and renting somewhere? Have you considered that?

As with all complex situations like this professional help is a must even is you go alone.

If you are assaulted you can lodge a complaint with the police that might result in calming things down as well as protecting you and your children.

TonyWK