What is this?

[Echtis]

The more I think about the things that happened, the more afraid I feel. Some of it I can deal with, some of it results in confusion as well as fear. 

I had an accident a few months ago that nearly killed me. It left me with bad injuries that I still haven't recovered from. My spine was compressed so badly I have permanently lost some height. I should mention that I was diagnosed with PTSD before this, nearly two years prior regarding seperate childhood events.

Initially, I didn't think I had trauma around the new event. But now I suspect I do. It has become a source of guilt, anxiety and resentment.

Before the accident, I had this excited, semi-nervous thrill for what was ahead. I was going to do something challenging, but possible. 

Now, I get afraid walking up a flight of steps with a backpack on. I can't carry things up staircases either, I have to walk sideways with my back to the rail and both hands gripped to it, with whatever it is slung over my shoulders in a bag. I used to rock climb with friends, but now the idea of it even fills me with that same, excited nervousness I described before. I used to want to go skydiving, but now the idea makes me feel scared just writing it. I'm sure I've developed a new fear of heights. It doesn't make sense, as the stuff on the staircase only vaguely resembles the incident. I know my body can't tell the difference, but I know as time goes on I'll learn of even more things I am irrationally afraid of, just like I did with everything before it. 

I feel sick and weak. I don't think I have many triggers, but this new one is so absurd, it seems laughable. "Oh, I'm afraid of stairs."

To be fair, when I think about it my other triggers and fears are pretty comedic too. But then I remember that this is a sign of something very fundamentally broken in my brain and it makes me rather sad.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Echtis,

We understand that the relationship between the intellect and the emotions is quite complex. Things that don't seem to make sense intellectually often make sense emotionally. And, all the emotions require to activate is a vague similarity with the threatening event.

It would appear that one role of the emotions is to protect the life. Consider, you are out hunting for food. You see a movement of light and shadow in the trees. You stop to consider what it may be. If the shadow movement is a predator, that stop to consider was the last decision you ever made. On the other hand, your emotions kicked in with a threat alert, and you ran; and you are alive to make more decisions. And, what if the motion was the breeze causing the leaves to move in an identical pattern? running away didn't cause the end of your life. It may have made you feel foolish, but you are still alive to feel foolish.

We continue to have this emotional factor protecting us. It doesn't 'logically' understand that our lives are not usually threatened in those ways anymore.

We understand that there are different therapies which have success guiding people through their traumas to help soothe the highly reactive emotional responses. We would encourage you to discuss these concepts with your GP or mental health professionals as they would be the best people to help you find an appropriate treatment for you.

You may also ring our counsellors on 1300 22 4636. They may be able to help you locate local resources.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[Petal22]

Hi Echtis,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand that having a bad accident can also cause fears, Im sorry you experienced this.

Have you thought about speaking to a health professional regarding what you are experiencing and how it’s affecting your life.

I had fears due to some of my intrusive thoughts. I did exposure therapy for this and it really helped because it desensitised me to the thoughts I felt I feared.

The the therapy was initially confronting but eventually I got through it.