Trauma + Self Care

[Debbie Downer]

Hello,

I am wondering if anyone has any experience with having a chronic illness / trauma. 

I have been diagnosed with endometriosis and secondary pelvic pain disorder; my pain flares up when my mental health is down or I am triggered by something from my past. 

I am really struggling to allow myself time to heal and cannot stop being cruel to myself; keep telling myself I am a failure or a sook. I was raised to never be allowed sick days, whenever I complained about my cramps as a girl I was told to toughen up, I was also not allowed to have time off unless I was "bleeding profusely or throwing up" which I think plays a significant factor in my guilt and shame. I just don't know how to get past it. I can see it all for what it is but can't stop the emotion. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. ❤️

[HisOwn]

Hi Debbie..I may not have same experience as you but perhaps similar..I had a traumatic pregnancy 22 years ago which I now battle PTSD from because it severely traumatised me. At the time I was going through it there were other pregnant women I met who were going through the same and others who had also gone through the same but it did not traumatise them..so for many years I also had to battle feelings of guilt and shame (about the fact that the experience traumatised me but most others it didn't) and it wasn't until I started getting some therapy from a pyschologist for it that I started to recognise how complicated our emotions and minds can be and I learnt that trauma is also intricate according to our own individual personalities. So one thing can traumatise one person and another person can completely sail through it with any effect. But it is also dependent too on whether you had good support while going through it as to how you also are affected by the experience. I was at the time in a very mentally abusive marriage so my pregnancy difficulties were compounded 100 fold because of that and added greatly to the trauma..I also had a parent whom I was also trying to help support as he was going through an awful health battle with cancer..so ALL of that just really compounded my experience in my pregnancy.

So it sounds like you too have at a very young and vulnerable age never had the essential emotional support that you would have needed and made to feel ashamed because you were suffering which is horrific. 

So my only advice is to seek some therapy via a pyschologist and you will start to understand why you have anxiety and will be given tools to deal with it.

There are good cheap mental health plans made available by the government where you can have regular sessions with a pyschologist that, depending on which pyschologist and what they charge, it will cost you nothing or you just pay the gap.

You just need to do a mental health plan with a GP to get a referral.

Hope that is of some help. 🤗

[Bbydoll]

Hi Debbie, although I have battled different health issues. The thing I've learnt with health issues (and mental health issues); is to listen to your body.

Please don't feel guilty about this. If you're experiencing pelvic pain regardless of the situation, be kind to yourself. Rest when you can. Use heatpacks or anything that might alleviate your physical pain. If you don't get any counselling- then write in a journal your thoughts;  punch a pillow,have a cry,  exercise- anything that can help you process your emotions.

If you're bed bound because of the pain; watch a comedy,or listen to a podcast or music and switch your focus onto that instead of the pain. That has helped me in the past. Hope it helps you.♡

[Fern42]

Hi Debbie,I can definitely relate to your experience in a sense. I think the most important thing here is practicing being kind to yourself and listening to your body. I couldn't emphasize this enough. Maybe think of it in the sense of a friend that might be going through this, would you tell your friend to take the time to be kind to yourself and rest if they needed it? Some of the most important advice I ever received myself with chronic illness was if you would not say those unkind thoughts to your friend try not to say them to yourself. In your case you will experience constant flare ups and down and if you can learn to be kind to yourself in those times and accept rest and allowing yourself to have sick days you won't be fighting against yourself as such.