The day I lost my soul

[Guest_7403]

6 years ago today an event occurred that changed my life forever.

I went to work, and 18hours later when I finally walked out of that place I was never the same again.

Looking about at the person I was before it, and who I am today....I can only describe it as losing my soul, the guy I used to be ceased to exist.

I've lost so much, my home, my life, my drive and any sense of happiness or enjoyment in the short journey of life.

I'm resigned to the fact that I'm never coming back, no treatment, medication or self will can ever remove this pain I live with daily.

Everyone I know tells me that they believe in me, they believe I'm still inside and they believe that I can overcome this.

But they're wrong, the person I used to be could of overcome those things, im not that person anymore.

No one seems to understand, it's like my mind and soul left my body that day...but my body kept living.

There's no better life in the future, just more days of pain and suffering. I didn't ask for this to happen to me, im not a religious person but I find myself asking god did I do something in another life to deserve this punishment.

For someone whose job was to lock evil up to protect the innocent, I am now a prisoner inside my own mind. Yet, there is no key for this door and no one can hear me screaming to be let out.

I look forward to the day I see that light shine through the darkness and im finally at peace

I'm not at risk, it's just a very hard day for me.

[Guest_7403]

It wasn't closing a chapter by choice.....and it has made me realise that no amount of closed books or new starts will change anything.

Ever since the wife left the emptiness and loneliness I feel only grows....

My respect for wemon has reached an all time low....I could care less about them....

My morals tell me it's wrong, and it continues to go against everything I was raised to believe.....but I simply don't care and just walk away like it's nothing.

Guess it's karma how my life turned out

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Guest_7403,

I'm sorry to hear about that. Would you like to talk more about it? I'd be happy to listen to you. It's normal to feel angry from the divorce, anger from the betrayal and mistrust. It seems really tough on you to be going through a lot of bad experiences with women, and having your heart broken all the time.

If you don't mind me asking, would you be able to elaborate more on what you meant by "Go against everything I was raised to believe"?

We are in control of our own happiness, and no woman or man can bring that to us. We learn to love ourselves more, and treat ourselves the way we feel we deserve.

Jt

[Guest_7403]

The way in which I use them and discard them is what I mean.

I don't really have bad experiences anymore, I've learnt not to get attached, not to let them in my circle.

Theyre simply there, and it's over before it starts....they just don't know it.

[therising]

Hi Guest_7403

Do you feel you'd be able to spot if one of these women was outstanding, like she really stands apart from the rest for some reason? Have any of them been so fascinating that you can't help but be in awe of them in some way?

If coming across an outstanding, fascinating and awesome person was a 1 in 100 shot or even 1 in a 1000, do you know what would make them that 1 in 1000 person? Not suggesting you start a relationship with such a person but just wondering if you'd be able to recognise such a person, how you'd react to them.

Being a woman and based on my experience, a lot of women are the same or similar in a lot of ways, just as a lot of men I've come across are the same or similar. Personally, I haven't met many outstanding people in my time. When I do meet such people, in a platonic sense, they blow my mind.

Have you come across anyone mind blowing or mind altering, anyone seriously different, even if it simply comes down to the sex side of things?

Do you think it's a matter of 'Same old same old, here we go again'?

[Guest_7403]

I find that the more I'm attracted to them, or the more we seem to match personality wise the faster I end it.

Usually occurs within hours, I feel inadequate, not good enough and insecure....so I just say goodbye and unmatch.

The ones I meet are ones I have no intention of being in a relationship with.

Self sabotage at its finest. No matter how much I tell myself not too unmatch, just be myself, take it slow, don't worry about it like the other chick's......my mind wins our everytime.

The ex leaving not only took my child, but she took my confidence as a man....I see myself only negatively, flawed and unlovable....not good enough for anyone.

I don't know what all these wemon see in me...I don't see it

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Guest_7403,

It certainly is crushing to your confidence, when your ex decided to leave you. You were so true and assured, filled with confidence and commitment towards your relationship with her. Only for all that to be broken with distrust, betrayal, pain and hurt. It has shattered not only your heart that you once gave to your ex to the best of your ability, but also your confidence in yourself.

Although, not saying you should not be seeing other women, but I hope you would consider investing time in yourself to work on getting back your confidence. You don't need another woman to make you feel confident about yourself, and neither would it be a healthy relationship if you were to enter into one without having confidence in yourself. You have a good sense of moral my friend, you do not want to hurt others by taking them in with your insecurities, and then discarding them like they are nothing to you.

It'd be a different story if you're hurting others because your needs aren't met in your relationship, I learned that this kind of hurt is normal in any relationships, whether it be friends or family members. The ones who return to you, even though you've hurt them by being true to yourself, are the ones who are worth keeping and fighting for.

You are worth more than you know, and I hope you'll be able to find the courage and strength to find it again. It may take a lot of time to do so, but I can assure every second invested into finding your self-worth and confidence, is the best kind of investment you can do to your life.

Always here to listen to you my friend. Take care.

Jt

[Guest_7403]

Did my usual dating apps quick look today.....and who pops up on the app seeking love? the ex...

Looking for love apparently. Everyone at work has been telling me how happy she is with the new guy, little holidays, building a house etc....and there she is...single and on a dating app.

I feel vindicated today.....another one bites the dust with her. Didnt even last a year the poor bloke.....i feel better about knowing this now....knowing the guy she was so set on is no more.

Bitter sweet I guess.

[Petal22]

Hi Guest 7403,

Just a little something try not to believe everything your work colleagues tell you about your ex…… I believe if they had your best interests at heart they wouldn’t be telling you how happy she is…..

You know who your true friends are they love you for you…and want the best for you…

There you go she’s single on a dating app…….. the grass isn’t always greener on the other side…

You deserve some one better than your ex wife Guest 7403……. Allow yourself to love yourself and know your worth…… keep moving forward 😊💪

[therising]

Hi Guest_7403

Do you think if you discovered new facets to yourself you'd begin to naturally find yourself more interesting, which in turn would have some impact on your self esteem? For example, with the work you used to do, did you have a natural ability when it came to reading people, that others just didn't seem to have? Maybe, you could even read people so well that you could see the natural potential in some of them. Others might have simply said 'You're crazy, that person's a no hoper'.

If you do have some natural ability when it comes to reading people, the dating/hook ups would be a perfect opportunity to test this ability. Could you get a sense of what each woman's like and see how many hits or misses you get when it comes to how well you can read them?

I know a few people who are incredible when it comes to such an ability. My daughter's a legend at it. Can recall her saying to me some time ago how she met up with a group of friends which included some people she'd never met before. She said there was one guy amongst the group who she never actually spoke to but she said he led her stomach to churn a little. She couldn't pick it but she said there was something really off about him. She can pick the nature of people quite easily. Can't help but wonder what she was picking up from him.

Looking back, was there anything you had some natural ability to do, that you've forgotten about? Maybe it wasn't getting a sense of what people are like, perhaps it could have involved some ability where ideas or advice for others just came to you from out of the blue, without you having to think them up. Was there anything you naturally used to do that occasionally amazed some people? I imagine there was. Might be really hard to pick it.

By the way, I find the hardest person to read to be myself. Can take me seemingly forever to work certain aspects of myself out. Maybe this might go toward explaining why you can't work out what women see in you; they can sense or read the best in you and you can't.

[Guest_7403]

Yeh 100%....I've always been able to read people.

Its almost as if im intune with them, seem to understand what they're thinking and feeling.

I think its the empath in me.

But I think some people can take advantage of me for it also....because I'm so open and honest....I think others are the same.

I didn't see my wife leaving me and the subsequent treatment afterwards....so I guess I'm not always good reading people.

But she's a textbook narcissist....so not surprised I couldn't read her