Support

[Niki66]

My fiancé suffers from PTSD from an incident where he was stabbed whilst at work several years ago and is currently in prison because he was threatened and snapped and did a stupid thing. I love him deeply and want to be a support to him. I was hoping to get some feedback on the best ways to support him. I visit him as often as I can but am in a different state and I am currently unemployed so I can't visit as often as I'd like. I write to him every two days and speak to him every day. I've been told not to put any pressure on him. His sentencing is in one month and I'm praying he will get a suspended sentence. I will do everything I can to help him and keep him safe. If anyone has any further suggestions, they would be much appreciated. Thank you.

[Nikkir]

Hi, Niki66 ( I like your name:)

It sounds like you have alot going on and some frustration and sadness about not being able to support your partner as much as you would like to at the moment. Thank you for taking the time to reach out, it is a courageous thing to do. It must be very difficult but it sounds like you are doing alot to support your partner and all that you could possibly do given the situation that you are in a different state. I guess you have already done this but get the jail's pdf of all their details and keep it on file in case you need to get support for him if he is not being treated right and dealings with the ombudsman etc. There are many advocacy places now that help people in jail when they need it or if they are not getting the right support. I guess all you can do is try to prepare or do anything you can for sentencing depending on if he has a private lawyer, he may need character refererences, medical reports? any information that might support his case where you could do the leg work? I am not sure what the situation is but just putting it out there. You can't do much more than you are doing with letters and phone calls if you are unable to visit. Just can obviously send money as well which I guess you know and there are support lines for people who support people in prison. You could call our number on 1300 22 4636 as a start and get some support for yourself because it is quite hard for the people who are on the outside and nobody really thinks of that. Sometimes its like you are living half a life because you are missing and thinking about the person in there. I hope this has been of some help, I have supported someone in prison locally and interstate so I deeply feel for you and let us know if there is anything we can do or just write back if you feel like it to let us know how you are going. Take care and best wishes Nikkir x

[Niki66]

Thank you Nikkir for your feedback. I rang lifeline the other day and they gave me the number of a uniting church group in Queensland and within half an hour they had the prison Chaplin in checking on my fiancé so that was great and put my mind st ease. I was also wondering how to support his ptsd. I've been told not to put any pressure on him about anything. I've been doing some reading but nothing really tells you how to support someone with ptsd. If anyone could give me any pointers it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Nikkir]

Hi Niki66,

I hope all is well and great news that a Chaplain was able to speak to your partner so quickly 🙂 and you could get support from Lifeline. I tried to respond yesterday but Beyond Blue server was down. Here is a link I found on Sane Australia

https://www.sane.org/mental-health-and-illness/facts-and-guides/post-traumatic-stress-disorder

I think all you can do is try to keep the tone of your calls and letters fairly calm so as not to bring up trauma and triggers for him. He could speak to medical to see if there is some medication or what they can do and I write to my person and do colouring in and give mindfulness excercises that I find online. Then my person sends the colouring in back with there addition, its interactive for us:) I always try to give some positive news and funny news in letters and tips for coping that I research. He is lucky to have you! You can call us on 1300 22 4636 or email and they are a great source of resources. At the moment that is all I can think of but thank you for writing back and wishing you all the best! Nikkir x

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