Struggling with summer- Fire alerts and risk of sunburn.

[Elizabeth CP]

I am finding summer difficult. I started exposure therapy for PTSD related to bushfires I was trapped in a bushfire which destroyed our house as a 10 year old, In those day I am supposed to read articles about bushfires each day as part of the exposure therapy which has brought everything to the surface combine as that with Christmas so I don't see my therapist for several weeks to debrief and we have hot weather with Total fire ban days and frequent reports on the radio re fires. As a child I was badly sunburnt several times. I was home from school with severe sunburn on the day of the fires so I am hypervigilent re sunburn risk ie won't go out in the sun without long sleeves & trousers or skirt Sunscreen isn't enough. Hence I cant relax at the beach or pool when it is hot. I used to enjoy swimming (in the shade or late in the day when the sun is going down but my husband is now blind so I have to watch him in the water constantly and give him directions which way to go. I used to work through summer but stopped work several months ago as it was too stressful as I was really stressed, a colleague didn't like me and often complained about me to my face and my husband kept getting sick so I was exhausted looking after him. He had surgery in July which was supossed to reduce the risk of him choking/aspirating but it failed and the tube was reiserted 5 times before we gave up and never wnt back to the hospital after the last time. Sorry I am rambling but I am finding it hard to cope

[Guest_5218]

Hi Elizabeth,

It sounds like you are really struggling at the moment.  It must be really difficult for you through the long hot summers we tend to get.  I recall from previous threads that I have read from you that you are having Exposure Therapy.  From my own personal experience, having gone through the same treatment myself this year, it certainly does bring everything from your past traumatic experiences to the fore.  That is all part of the therapy unfortunately.  So yes I understand all the hypervigilance, anxiety and everything else that comes with having ptsd, is much heightened for you at the moment.

There isnt really any advice I can offer that you wouldnt already have received, so I do apologise for that.  I am sorry that your husband is so sick at present too, which no doubt adds much to your distress.  Its just a really rotten time for you isnt it?   I am so sorry ..............

Dont worry about rambling, I think its actually part of our attempt at coping.  Often our thoughts are all scrambled in our head and sometimes come out weird.  At least I find mine sometimes do.

Anyway Elizabeth, although I probably have been of zero help to you, I just wanted you to know that I understand what you are going through and I care about you.  I really hope you can get through the festive season with some enjoyment and a sense of peace.

A comforting hug for you, from me.

Sherie xx

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks for the reply It is good to feel someone cares.

[KTOCD]

Hi Elizabeth,

i can't offer any advice on this as I've never experienced it but wanted to let you know we are here for you to chat when you need to.

it sounds like you are in a really hard situation. Sorry to hear this. Must be very draining and challenging. Is there another psychologist or counsellor you can chat to over the holiday break? Just to tie you over? 

I like the forums as it is helping me be more upfront about things. I'm accepting my mental health issues and seeing that I am not alone. All good things.

hope you managed to have some rest time today 😀

Kate

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Kate for the reply. I dont know anyone to go to at the moment and even if I did it would take too long to explain so they would only see half the picture. I am doing everything wrong ie everything my therapist told me to avoid but the compulsion to constantly check for updates on fires in the state even though none are near us. Nightmares re fires have come back last night. I haven't been sleeping properly lately so I'm tired. I am having difficulty coping when things don't go to plan eg yesterday and then feel guilty for spoiling the day for others because I'm stressed.   

[Kazzl]

Hi Elizabeth 

I saw your post and just wanted to say hi. I can't really offer any help, but I do understand to a certain extent how you're feeling. I went through the Canberra bushfires in 2003, when the firestorm came into the suburbs. I didn't expect to find my house still standing when we returned from the evacuation centre, but it was. Apparently a wind change took it off its path about four doors away from us. My daughter was in a house that burnt down, they got out and were OK, but I'll never forget those few hours when I couldn't contact her after her initial message that the house was burning. 

I had survivor guilt for a long time (500 houses destroyed). I knew and worked with people who lost everything. And every summer I remember it like it was yesterday. 

I'm glad you're getting help, although it must be very hard not being able to see your therapist at the moment. I don't know much about exposure therapy - I hope it really helps you. Personally, I try to stay away from the news when there's fires in other states, that's not always easy though is it? I have to remind myself not to get drawn in to the continuous coverage of disasters - the weekend of the Paris terrorist attacks I was glued to the TV and ended up a mess for several days. 

You mention things didn't go to plan yesterday (Christmas Day?). What happened hun? Do you want to talk about it?

Kaz

[Guest_5218]

Morning Elizabeth.  Really sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time of it.  And I understand about not having anybody to go to and if you did, having to explain everything to them.  It is really hard when other people simply do not, and indeed cannot, understand what you are going through.  Not their fault of course, as even the most understanding person simply cannot imagine the distress you are likely going through right now.  There are many bushfires around the country at the moment and you would not be able to avoid hearing about them.  So you are getting almost constant triggers.  I understand the nightmares and sleepless nights, followed by increased stress, tiredness and jumpiness at anything and everything.  Its a nasty cycle isnt it?

All I can suggest is that you try really hard to do as your therapist has advised you.  And to try your breathing techniques.  It may sound silly, be it really does help if you can manage it.

Good luck to you Elizabeth.  Dont worry too much about spoiling anyone else's day - just concentrate on your own needs for now.  And once you are through the worst, then you can make it up to everyone else who relies so much upon you.  I know it goes against your nature, but try being just a little bit selfish for now.

And if you feel like having a chat anytime, I would suggest that you may like to have a look at a new thread that Kazzl has just opened up.  You will find it under Community Section and its called BB Cafe.  No topic in particular, so you dont need to stay on topic in that thread, unlike others.  You can talk about anything, or nothing.  You may find the general support very helpful during this difficult time for you.

Hugs Elizabeth,

Sherie xx

[Guest_5218]

Hey Elizabeth.  Just been thinking of you.  How are you doing?  With the cooler wetter weather I hope you are starting to feel more at ease.  If you get the chance, pop into The BB Cafe for a bit of a catch up.  Hope to see you there sometime.

Sherie xx