Sex and Chronic Pain!

[Ramani]

Hi just wondering if there are any females who have different Chronic Pain Issues and have Trauma around sex who have no desire no want no need for it?! Im really Struggling as i have no desire but hubby just doesnt understand or care that much =(

[Slipperyfish]

Hey Ramani

im not in a relationship so I suppose sex isn’t something that someone is wanting from me. But in saying that, I know that I’m not ready and I have no desire to even think about it. Just the thought of it makes me feel overwhelmed. I have a friend who is married and is going through a really stressful court case and she went along with sex from her hubby in the hope it would make her feel better, but it’s actually done the opposite. She’s now struggling more with just daily everyday life.
but again, I’m not in your situation. I do know that trusting your gut is generally the right thing to do, so if your not keen then maybe wait. Have you chatted to your hubby about how you are feeling? It’s sad to hear that he doesn’t seem to care 😞

hopefully he starts to listen to you and realizes that your voice and opinion matters!

[Catie 08]

Hi Ramani,

Have you spoken to your Dr about this? I recently had a hysterectomy due to endometriosis which made things very painful.

Your doctor would be the best person to contact esspecially if your not getting the support you need for at home.

Take care of you.

C.

[Bofeng]

Hi Ramani.

I had the same issue when I was with ex partner. I felt pain and had no desire to sex at all. And he made me feel guilty about it and we had a lot of fights over it which made me felt worse. For a long time I thought I might have some gynecological problems，and did a lot of tests, but all the results turn out to be I am healthy. Last year we broke up， gradually I sense my energy and desire are coming back. I laugh more and become more ambitious on career . My last relationship obviously had some negative impacts on me, and I know I am still on the way of recovering, but i feel much better now.

I am not in your situation and I know how frustrating is. I really hope you can feel better soon.

I think what really makes me feel better is my personal space comes back and I have more time to recover from all the awful moments from life.

I hope you can recover soon, too.

Hope you have a great day.

[GimZim]

Hey Ramani

I'm sorry you're having these issues, it's something I've experienced in the past and I know how painful and uncomfortable it can be. I'm sorry your husband isn't being understanding. Naturally, if you're having pain during sex you're going to be more anxious the next time which means it will be painful and you get in a vicious cycle.

I'm sorry but I don't really have a solution. It's something worth speaking to a doctor about to rule out any physical issues and there are therapies for conditions like vaginismus that would help. A lot of it will just be relaxing as much as possible which if you're anxious about sex will be difficult. I'd try explaining to your husband that when sex is painful it makes you anxious which makes it painful and to be patient with you.

Best of luck, take care.