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Recalled memories and eating issues

Ely_
Community Member

Hi all,

 Therapy has been progressing, and uni this term went well. The last couple of weeks I have had some trauma memories resurface that are now making it extremely difficult to eat/drink etc. I already had some issues with food due to Autism and adhd but now even when I recognise I need to and have something in front of me that is usually a routine food, I am struggling. I have been working on trying to remember to eat lately, and now these memories have come back it's so frustrating. 

I forced myself to go to dinner with my family last night so I would eat and while there received comments on my weight loss again. So told them my dietitian is looking at adding an ARFID dx, which of course they all shot down straight away. Wish I hadn't gone, and that I hadn't said anything.

I need my brain to stop leaving the connections open all the time! Need to be able to press the pause button. 

Grounding and my usual visualisation and challenging myself or strategies aren't helping. 

Hoping for some advice/someone can relate. Feel very alone. Dietitian n psych mean well, but don't and can't understand.

5 Replies 5

Bob_22
Community Member

Hi Ely_,

 

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad to hear that your therapy has been ok and that uni went well this semester. That is a positive. Im sorry to hear that you've had past traumas recently resurface. It sounds like it has disrupted your routine and current recovery. Unfortunately, as much as we'd like it, recovery is often a rocky journey that has ups and downs. For me personally, there are times when I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back. I think perhaps addressing the root issue and discussing the resurfacing of past trauma with your psychologist might be a positive step. If I were in your shoes I would do this as it would hopefully help with other aspects of your life such as your eating routine. But again, that is something only you can decide that you're comfortable with. 

 

From what I understand ARFID is a diagnosis which you don't really have much control over anyway. Perhaps explaining this to your family might be helpful. Using your mindfulness strategies sounds like a great strategy though and I hope you are continuing to do this. I'm sorry you feel alone at the moment. I think if you're interested in learning more about ARFID or generally are looking for resources/support in this area, the butterfly foundation is a great organisation. They have an online and over the phone counselling line if you wanted to learn more. https://butterfly.org.au/get-support/helpline/ 

 

Hope this helps.

 

Bob

Ely_
Community Member

Hi Bob,

Thanks for your response.

I will have a better look at the butterfly foundation site tomorrow maybe. I did have a quick glance over the weekend, but was a bit tired. I will definitely be discussing all this with my psychologist and other specialists. It's just really difficult to explain/verbalise etc the connection between the memories and how difficult it has become now to eat/drink. The mind is far too powerful. I remembered seeing somewhere to mark a line on your water bottle so you know how much you have had. It was a bit of a shock to realise how little I have had since Thurs/Fri. I see my counsellor in the morning, hoping that will also help. 

Bob_22
Community Member

Hi Ely_,

 

Thanks for your reply and the update. Yes the mind is indeed powerful and can affect our eating/drinking but also things like pain, temperature, HR etc. I like to use relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises and mindfulness to calm myself down when anxiety kicks in and I experience chest tightness. Here are some examples: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/relaxation-exercises 

 

Relaxing our mind, from what I understand, will calm down that fight/flight response which will make it easier to feel hungry and thirsty again. 

 

Bob

Ely_
Community Member

Hi Bob,

The main issue at the moment isn't that I don't feel hungry/thirsty (that's fairly normal for me due to not recognising my body signals). The problem is that I am actively avoiding anything that will cause me to have flashbacks. Eating/drinking are now part of this. Unfortunately my counsellor has not come across this before either, nor my psychologist. I know the connection/s, but I am just struggling to work my past it and stay hydrated and healthy-ish in the meantime. I am used to having flashbacks and certain triggers, and am also used to having unrelated textural issues with food. This is a whole different game though. I tried stopping a medication that I thought might be impacting my hunger cues and that I know impacts hydration levels, for a couple days, but it didn't make any difference to my ability to eat/drink so have restarted it this morning. 

I cannot find any information anywhere online related to trauma related difficulties with eating outside of the act of eating itself causing the problem. There's nothing about interpersonal trauma/ab*se causing this. 

I have been drawing and writing again to try to stay grounded and avoid dissociating. I don't think I've been too successful, as I haven't managed to get much done. Such is the nature of recovery I guess. 

Thanks again for taking the time to respond,

It's much appreciated

Ely

Bob_22
Community Member

Hi Ely_,

 

Thanks for the update. I see the difficulty of the situation you're in. I don't really know much about complex or interpersonal trauma but I know blueknot.org.au is a great resource for information around trauma. They also have a telephone support service if you wanted to give them a call with any questions. 

 

I would avoid experimenting with medication without doctor advice. This comes from bad personal experience. 

 

Yes recovery is certainly a fickle thing. Stay hopeful and keep at those things like writing and drawing. The more you do it/enjoy it the easier it becomes to use as a strategy.

 

Hope that helps

 

Bob