Ptsd

[Ana3]

Hi

Last year my husband was diagnosed with ptsd and began treatment with a psychologist. 

At this point in time we had only been married for 6 months. I only ever knew he suffered depression from a back injury.

i have seen little progress in his ability to manage his ptsd compared to that of late last year. I am now concerned he is no longer attending his appointments as he appears very withdrawn and shows little interest in my day/life or our marriage. I am sorry if this sounds selfish. It is not my intention.

Do you have any suggestions on how I can manage withdrawal. If I try speaking with him I am accused of being a nag or starting a fight??

He also has a alcohol addiction. Our weekends or potential time together is generally based around his hangover and depression. He suffers social anxiety whereby he only maintains friends he has known for a long time or those he can make while drinking. Is there a way I can help him to manage this in order for him to feel less anxious?

😞

[JessF]

Hello ***, it sounds like your husband has started to slip backwards in his treatment. Do you know why he stopped his appointments, and how long has he been drinking for?  Has the drinking increased?  The alcohol will undoubtedly be making things a lot worse, a very dear friend of mine became an alcoholic to cope after a friend was murdered and it was so much easier to use the drink instead of facing the trauma and working through it.

You haven't been married for very long, did you know each other very well before then? I wonder if perhaps you can have an honest conversation with him and try and find out more about the ptsd and get him to open up to you. I don't know how you are trying to approach things at the moment, but just to give you a window inside of a depressed person's head, the illness can make us very selfish at times. We withdraw, we feel that no one understands or cares about our problems which are massive and overwhelming.  If approached by a loved one it can be easier to lash out, and if the approach is along the lines of 'you don't want to spend time with me', it can be read as nagging because we think 'well there's another person who doesn't understand what I'm going through'.  

Maybe you could go away for a weekend together, just the two of you. Relax and get out of town somewhere, go for walks, get outdoors, and see if you can use the time to connect and chat about your lives. let him know that you want to know more about the diagnosis and how you can help him because you are worried.

[Rachel26]

Hi Ana3, I read your post and had tears in my eyes. I have been married to my childhood sweetheart for almost 25yrs. He was diagnosed with PTSD last year but he has been unwell for a lot longer. He has been off work for almost a year. He too medicates with alcohol most days. He becomes nasty and angry for no reason. I get nervous about how to talk about simple problems like bills or everyday concerns as he gets over the top angry or doesn't want to  talk about it. He has alienated himself from friends and family. I feel really alone  and sad, not just for me but also for him, I know he's hurting probably just as much but in a different way. Friends don't understand and you don't want to talk to them about it because it makes them uncomfortable. It's a very lonely sad road we are on. Just know that we are on it together, I know people say it gets easier but I would love to know when? Some days are great but it's two steps forward and one back. Good luck to you.

[A_Tech]

Hi Ana3,

I just came across your post and wanted to find out how you and your husband are doing now?

I was basically just like he was. If I could take it all back, all the pain and hurt that I cause my husband and son, oh I would in a heartbeat!!

The saddest thing for me reading your post is that I felt he was no where near his rock bottom at that point. I know I got a lot worse before I realised that I actually wanted the help. Until that happens though, not much that you do will help, it might just do the opposite.

My PTSD was work related, 10 years of working in the operating theatres of a trauma hospital. I started out with the drinks after work to unwind (we all did), but that just wasn't helping. Over a couple of years I went from a few drinks sometimes, to every night, to half a bottle or more of scotch every night. 

Eventually I started to order things online and self medicate. That seemed to help for a while, but when that wasn't enough to numb the pain and  feelings, the alcohol came back on top of the meds.

It wasn't until I had completely ruined my career and selfharm attempts, that I made the decision to get help. I haven't worked in 9 months now (this is all very recent!), and I was officially diagnosed with PTSD in late December 2014.

Every day is still a struggle, but less so because this is what I want. My husband is still very nervous and sometimes outright scared, if he does't know where I am (I used to just disappear).

Well, I just wanted to say that as someone on the PTSD side, I'm so sorry for everything that you've had to go through. I really hope he made the decision too, for help and I hope he's doing better.

Take care

Donna x