PTSD from past relationships

[Rhysah]

Hi I came across this website and hope to have someone relate to my story or offer ways of healing.

 I am a victim of domestic violence with the father of my child whom I was with for 7.5yrs. He was a manipulative person, I never felt loved by him he treated me terribly and would abuse me in front of our child. We would argue over him not wanting to provide financially and he later on turned to drugs. I was contacted by DCP as there we’re 42 police reports of myself, family and neighbours calling the police for help on various occasions. I cried when I found that out, it had gone too far and there was no way I was getting my child taken off me so I gained the courage to leave. I began counseling and after 6 months I was able to see that we we’re better off apart.
Two years later I got into another relationship with someone who mentally abused me. I confided in him and trusted that he would be understanding of my past but instead used my weaknesses  against me. He lied to me about wanting to love me better and that he too had been in a domestic violence relationship which was a lie. I ended up finding out that he was still with his ex partner and was playing both of us. It destroyed me as we had planned so much of our futures  together. I fell into depression and stopped eating. My motivation to work or gym had stopped and I would only get up out of bed to get my son to school, otherwise I’d go straight home and lay in bed all day asking myself why I wasn’t good enough for him. I cried myself to sleep too many times and felt worthless. My past trauma is now affecting my relationship now, I can’t help but to think he doesn’t have good intentions and I’m always on high alert of any signs of abandonment. We are continuously arguing because I overthink things and it’s very unhealthy for the both of us. I love him so much and just want us to be happy but my PTSD is ruining that 😔

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm sorry to hear this situation as it reflects my own past relationships. To mention them would be the ideal to give you some perspective.

I'm 67yo and have been happily married for 12 years. Well, the 1st 3 years was unstable due to both our past. I had 3 prior relationships (one with 2 kids and marriage and all 3 had lasted over 7 years each. My now wife had a 20 years marriage whereby her husband abused her mentally . My now wife and I had been best friends for 25 years prior to dating when we both became single.

During the 3 years we were insure we had to sort through the baggage that came from things like narcissism, laziness that placed me in a position of working 3 jobs so my wife could be a stay at home mum etc. So we experienced what you are now experiencing.

We realised it took a tremendous amount of faith in our new spouse even though we were best friends for a long time. We both acknowledged that we were "damaged" and needed reassurance from each other. Frankly had we had our time again we would have obtained counselling because that would "nip it in the bud" quicker.

So after 12 years is there any residual from our past relationships? Well a little. I'm still a little reactive and she is still super quick to interpret me being aggressive by tone of voice, however, we both know this residual is there likely permanently so we have a hug and move on within 30 seconds. That's a great result.

Do you think counselling will help? 

I noticed you said you love this man heaps yet you didnt the last two. That alone is good reason to embrace him more and he- you. Being unmotivated is a trap we all fall into and a feeling of helplessness, this condition really does need a professional medical assessment of which I encourage.

Reacting to past abuse is not uncommon and true love will get you through. I have a really good thread below that has a system that worked for me with arguments. I hope you like the ideas. Stick with it and you'll be amazed at the result.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/relationship-strife-the-peace-pip...

TonyWK