PTSD for Medical and First Responders

[A_Tech]

Hi,

Well obviously this my situation.

I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others).

Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management.

I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat.

Cheers ✌️

[Gruffudd]

Donna, your news made my day. 

I am proud of you for making that next step, and how great to have a husband who is supporting. My guess is that like I find with my change of direction, your past experience will make you a better practitioner then you would be without it. 

I'll be thinking of you and your Aunt, I find endings and death challenging, but this time is special and I hope the time you have left with her leaves both of you at peace, and that there are some more memories that will help her live on with you.

Rob.

[A_Tech]

Hi Rob,

Thank you for those lovely words. I do also believe that the struggles we live through not only make us stronger as a person, but as you said, it gives you a depth of understanding that can just never be taught!

Talking with you has had an impact on me, I do need to tell you that. The story you shared about the mother and her baby, devastated me on a completely different level to anything I've ever experienced, especially as a mother.

Trauma is confronting yes, but what you described is so unimaginable. I think you are an amazing tower of strength too. 

I would certainly be lost without my husband thats for sure! 20 years together and he still surprises me all the time. He is an genuine selfless person who I am grateful for every day, my best friend.

As you said in a previous post, I know that certain parts of PTSD will always cause issues for people like us, we just care too much I think. But I don't want it any other way. I couldn't stand being a cold and heartless person, it's just not me.

And if none of this works out, well we can both fall back on driving buses!!! I've actually spent the past week very involved with many of the drivers I worked with, one of my close friends father just passed away and he was also a driver. 

It's kind of strange really to be back in that scene, I had forgotten how much like a family they all are. I haven't driven in 15 years, but it's like I never left. And its the same across depots and thought the different companies, they al used to come under one government sector until it privatised in 1996. Listen to me, sorry for that, they were definitely some of the best times I ever had working. Good old Transperth!

Well, I hope you have a great Christmas and just be safe.

Talk soon,

Donna 

[kukla]

Hi

My name is Tracey! I'm battling cancer for the second time! And I feel ur trauma and what you hve gone thru! Different circumstances of cause but I experienced trauma after my stem cell transplant and drs have just let me alone! I am more sick now instead getting better!! I'm suffering and so traumitised but no one believes how deep my scars are! Thank u for sharing ur story and I hope u get some help !

From kukla

[A_Tech]

Hi Tracey,

Thank you for taking the time to write to me. It's often these little things that mean so much, but these are exactly the things that most people seem to overlook.

I'm really sorry to hear not only about about what your going though medically, but also that the system I used to hold in such high regard has let you down so badly! It's honestly just not good enough that these so called professionals can get it SO wrong, so often. I often think now at how blinded I was while I was working in the health department.

I was always under the impression that oncology patients received automatic counselling. Does that not happen?? Or is it like what they offer their employee's, a maximum of 5 whole sessions!!!! It's all disgusting.

As for me, I haven't posted since before christmas. I've had a few setbacks to say the least and it's taken this last 6 months to even slightly get back to some sort of normal. I had been spending a great deal of time last year with my aunty who had pancreatic cancer, she passed away in January and I took it really hard. Ended up back in hospital.

A month ago my uncle was diagnosed with gastric lymphoma, with a mutant gene that's resistant to chemo. We don't have a lot of time left with him now.

But despite all of this, for the most part, I still can't help but feel there has to be a bigger picture perhaps? I had enrolled in January to go to uni to do a health science degree. I deferred after my aunty died and have re enrolled for semester 2, to start in a few weeks.

Although I'm sure if I'm completely up for it, I feel like it's something I need to do. Health sciences can lead me anywhere. Who knows, maybe I could help implement new trauma counselling services or even go into research to help prevent cancers. So many possibilities.

I may also fall on my ass next week and throw it all in!!! I don't pretend to know anymore and I think that may be part of the healing process.

I do feel that if you can, you should make yourself heard! Don't let them forget you. And there is nothing wrong in 'trying out' councillors until you find one that fits you.

Don't give up on that, it's such a massive part of getting better. It's been almost 2 years for me now, I'm far from normal but I've definitely come such a long way.

Take care and let me know how things go.

Donna x

[July]

Hi Donna,

How are you , we have spoken before on another post (different subject) and I just saw this post, I have wondered how you and your family are going.

I also worked in a major hospital in E.D.for 7 years, I can completely relate to all your posts, I applied for another position in the hospital.... I work in maternity/birth suite now, much less stressful, less hours /less money but I'm so much happier, you can't put a price on your mental health and well being.

True the things you see and deal with at times stay with you ...suicides, car accidents, drug overdoses, self harm, cot deaths, the list goes on and on.

I can still remember and see the little face of one particular 8 month old baby who was found deceased at home, tried to resuscitate him but it was to late, I stayed with that baby for about 5 hours till the coroner came in and the police forensics, I was there when they where photographing his little body, turning him and rolling him....I can still hear and see the flash of the camera in my head....I wanted to cry and run , but I knew if I left, that sweet innocent baby would be alone and I couldn't do it.

After the police left the coroner told me I could wash and dress him, no one came to see him ...in death I was his only carer, I carried that baby in my arms down to the morgue, his little head pressed against my warm body. I had to lift him onto that cold tray and leave him there.

When I got back some people said "good job", I went and sat outside for a break, my adrenaline was pumping and I was shaking, after 15 minutes I was expected to just get back to work...no debriefing, nothing.

I am a human being and a mother of 4, not a robot, every life touches yours, I love caring for people and I am so glad I still have that compassion and concern for others, if that ever leaves I wouldn't work in my field.

Take care

July

[Darrend]

Hi,

this is my first post ever(I've been registered on here for 2 years). My background is a17 year career as an ambulance paramedic. I have been unable to return to this job due to PTSD. This came about by exposure to many traumas over many years, and not processing each trauma before moving on to the next. I was diagnosed in February this year, but I had symptoms for a year or so before this. I'm hopeful that I will be able to return to the workforce in the near future. I am interested finding work in the mental health sector and helping others in their recovery.

Please feel free to say hi.

Darren.

[July]

Hi Darren,

Yes, you guys cop the brunt of the initial impact of attending trauma scenes and making the first decisions....such a heavy burden and I know how hard it is for you guys, some people can process things quicker than others and sometimes that image lingers, you cannot just forget certain things once witnessed.

You are only human with emotions and feelings, and at the time you think you are ok but afterwards in hindsight all the actions you have been involved with swirl in your mind, the split second decision someone has made has forever impacted many lives.

To also watch someone die in front of you is a distressing event, knowing all the medical help has not saved that person, how do you process that, when you have spent 60 minutes in a full resus desperately praying for a heart beat... some sign of life, then too finally acknowledge theres nothing else that can be done, its the anguish of feeling useless, sad for the patient and the family thats also praying for a good outcome.

How life can be taken away so quickly and unexpectedly, it is a shock and it makes us look at our own mortality and how we live our lives.

I hope you find that ideal work balance and with your background I'm sure you will be an asset to your patients, sometimes you have to travel that same road as someone else, to appreciate their situation and help them to move forward, I wish you luck.

July

[A_Tech]

Hi Darren, it's so good to hear from you! When I first started this thread for first responders, it was people like you and me that I really wanted to have somewhere to talk!

Throughout my whole PTSD experience, I've been so disillusioned at the lack of support for us. I know that PTSD is such a complex illness and that there can't be a tailored program for everyone. But there seems to be only specific help available for victims of crime and returned soldiers (who I think we fit into the same basic category really, and vice versa).

And yet the stats on medical personnel with PTSD in staggering! Not to mention suicide rates are through the roof.

I'm so glad that you chose this thread to make your first post, that really makes me feel like its all been worth something somehow. I think you know what I mean?

A paramedic for 17 yrs is a huge accomplishment! I hope that your proud of the service you've given. I was an anaesthetic technician in a trauma hospital for 10yrs before I was diagnosed with PTSD. I Specialised in emergency trauma, cardiac and did cardiothoracic transplants. No wonder I have PTSD right??

My diagnosis was almost 2yrs ago (this December) and I'm still no where near ready to return to ANY type of work, especially theatre. Which in so many ways makes it harder, because I still have the passion for the job and want to return to it! It just depends if I'll ever get too.

I'd love to hear back from you, this can be a hard road at times and I want you to know that you are not alone!!!

Take care,

Donna.

[A_Tech]

Hey July, long time no post, hahaha (from me).

Really nice words there to Darren, you should mention that your an ED nurse or he might wonder how you know this stuff!!

But I agree with all you said, some of the resus's I've been involved in still haunt me today. Unfortunately we can't switch them all off when we go home (thats assuming we get to go home of course!).

Last week triggered a whole fresh wave for me when my 19yr old son was at 'Bounce'. I hate that place with a passion!! While doing a somersault, he landed on the back of his neck!!

3yrs ago, one of the cases that started my downslide into PTSD, was my nephews best friend. 16 yrs old on a motor bike hit by a car. I had to work that case despite my pleas to be relieved as I knew him personally. So at 16 he ended up at ventilated quad! That messed me up for a long time.

When my son got hurt last week, I had some moments. But we're so very lucky!!! He was told if he hadn't of landed on the tramp then he would've broken his neck. He's severely sprained 2 joints (C6/C7), but still has lingering pain, so off for another scan tomorrow.

I was surprised that I didn't lose it like I thought I might though. I think being my child, over took all the other past memories. So not a bad thing really.

I've recently caught up on our other thread, so I'll chat to you there soon.

Take it easy,

Donna x

[July]

Hi Donna,

So glad to hear your son is ok, every time I would hear a priority one coming in, your heart does jump hoping its no one you know or love.

Yes ,a 16 year old ending up like that... so devastating for him and his family, life changes in a split second, I had a cousin's son come in to ED, motorbike accident 4am one Sunday morning (thank god I wasn't there) came off his motorbike and his female passenger came off also, she was killed instantly, he was resuscitated but very unstable he was transferred to a major trauma hospital but died on arrival, he was 22, when I found out that day I got a terrible migraine I think it was the shock, so sad two young lives taken away.

I also had a young man I was doing CPR on and it wasn't till after, I realised he went to school with my daughter years before, another car accident , he also died during the resus , only 21, his friend was driving and he survived.

I drive past the cross on the side of the road for that young man all the time and it brings it all back to me, I just wish the families would know that we cared very much for their loved one and it hurts us to, as I have a child his exact age and as a mother it is very distressing .

I go home and tell my kids I love them cause you never know what is around the corner in life.

Take care

July