PTSD for Medical and First Responders

[A_Tech]

Hi,

Well obviously this my situation.

I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others).

Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management.

I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat.

Cheers ✌️

[Croix]

Dear LB (wiht a wave to Reflection if you are listening)~

There is one special chunk of wisdom in that last post of yours, "it is good to meet" so even on minimal details one does not feel as alone. Other people in the world the same or similar is a great thing, even in an unhappy situation.

I know you waved, and I or others on the Forum will still be here no matter how many times you break up with yourself, as that is based on false perceptions. We cant walk away when we are the same.

Yes I too would like to talk with you more Reflection if you wanted.

LB has you dog got outrageously spoiled as yet? As for jigsaws , I'm pretty pleased with myself, I found one marked "4 years and up" and did it in a week!

Croix

[littleboots]

Hello Croix,

Well first, congrats on completing the puzzle - you've made me smile at your sense of achievement.

My dog is outrageously spoiled yes. She gets 150 gms of food a day, a chew on a bone that is now coming up to 3 mths old; a treat at bedtime & during training she'll get tiny little rewards if she does the right thing.

I've not ventured into the dog coat mkt yet & will be giving it a miss bc she doesn't need it. I've had a lot of time on my hands lately lol so I've trained her to roll over, shake, do pretty sit & return the ball only to my hands. She's lacking in mental stimulation bc I cannot walk much right now. Hurt my feet wearing really cheap & nasty but on trend sneakers. They're in the bin now & my feet are gradually recovering. It's a painful lesson.

I've been spinning out over the protests here, there & everywhere. After so much time in isolation I have little sympathy for the way ppl want to convey their feelings. I just don't. If there is a second wave, we gave the virus a walk up start didn't we? Isn't this the era of the technosavy youngster? Wouldn't seem to be.

I'm going to need to stay away longer now. I know unintended consequences and first world problem but still...

What is your view on where healthy lookout vs paranoia & hypervigilance intersect? Re virus.

How are you Croix? Happy and healthy I'm hoping!

Reflections hasn't come back here?

MS jigsaws keep freezing or shutting down so I'm cranky with that. I've not seen any family for six months now & probably three people otherwise.

Lots more really upset feelings but running out.

Catch you later Croix,

Take care

LB

[Croix]

Dear LB~

Nice to hear from you, and it does not sound to me like your pandered to pooch is short of mental distractions, it is her owner, and I agree about dog coats.

If we go out late at night when it is cold (which we have not done much of at all recently of course), then Foxy Dog has an igloo to curl up inside (watched by Sumo Cat who sits inside in the warm looking smug)

I agree that large crowds do increase the risk of a second wave, though have no idea how big that risk is and I suspect the results might not be known for at least 3 weeks. Then again so many other things are opening up due to economic pressures it might be hard to tell.

I'm glad I'm not in the USA at the moment.

Fashionable footwear or not, you do need more outside interactions, even if only on the computer. My time is busy with Zoom, both for my work and social interaction. Surprisingly sitting in front of the fire having a video chat can be very satisfying. With your skills you should be able to find peple on-line for innocuous chats, no I'm not talking dating sites.

OK, you mentioned Lots more really upset feelings but running out.

Would you like to say more about what is upsetting you? I'm hear to listen if you would like. Probably no answers but listen well:) Might even be better than watching Microsoft jigsaws freeze

I'm OK, like you finding incarceration is not good; grumpier, more impatient, less motivation, all the usual suspects. Partner very long-suffering and has not given in to the temptation to return fire:)

Croix

[littleboots]

Hello Croix & thanks for responding again,

My family - tiring!

They expect me to return to the frantic pace & giving of last year when my dad was sick & subsequently passed away. Still grieving but they don't care.

It took months to restore some semblance of normal when I got home & I'm not really sure I have yet reached that place. Covid came along & idk I felt depleted & incredibly unloved. Still do.

I was alone with him when he died. I'm having moments of intense emotion though he wasn't a good father.

Now I've received blunt messages demanding that I go & stay with my mother again, listen endlessly to my sisters problems, which in fairness are many, and provide general b/up.

My family would have to land fairly squarely in the toxic.

They will not accept that I have mental health illness & even need a break. They don't want to know about anything relating to me at all. I've tried to explain. They don't think I've got a life bc I'm ill-health retired. That translates in their minds to I'm now available.

In the past, I generally give them what they asked - and then faded out until again called. No welcome for me outside those parameters.

Established as a pattern since I was a small child. They are truly selfish in the extreme.

I've put a boundary around that behaviour now. Covid helped me do that - how ironic.

In short, I've said 'nope' but good luck.

So, I'm being punished & subtly threatened that unless I return to my ways I'm to expect consequences.

They are like Dark Matter - they exist but are not seen, suck everything I've given into their centre via & it never ends.

My family are hyper critical twds me & there is def., no even distribution of the tasks or responsibilities. My siblings cry off that they are too busy - always.

So I feel really alone now. I've stuck by the boundary. I'm not justifying myself to them. I'm giving back the silence.

I don't know anyone in this place I live. I made a big mistake coming here I know only those that want to use me & I've stopped them too. So now there's nobody at all.

Is everyone lonely & I just don't know it? Is everyone trapped inside themselves? Is this normal? My friends are dead or scattered now. Our mutual affiliation no longer the common ground it once was.

I belong to a couple of forums but constantly in awe at the o/sharing that goes on there lol.. Where do you mean?

Thanks, run outa space?

Take care,

LB

[Croix]

Dear LB~

I think you are getting somewhat better than when we first met. You have survived that death, got a pet and now are not only recognizing what is bad for you but actually doing somethng about it.

So you have said no to your family after yes for so long. Of course they will react, but I have the feeling you can shrug it off.

I'm certainly at the age friends have passed away, and those from the old day that are left have houses in Thailand or similar, a long way from my modest interests.

No you may not know anyone where you are now, but that does not prevent you gently and slowly seeking a companionship you like. I agree it is not obvious, there are no 'nice interesting person to talk here' sites I know of, but that is why you use your copper skills to ferret something out.

It could be training ability dogs for all I know. (It probably isn't fashion footwear design), A tiny little old lady I realy liked and knew quite well trained rescue dogs for search and rescue.

I'm not suggesting you go down a canine causeway, just it is a big world. While I'm not at all sure there is anything that would strike your fancy why not plow though my thread

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/how-to-take-practical-advantage...

It's mostly about things and just about finished now, but you never know. Then there's always the volunteering,

There realy is no hurry to do much and yes many are trapped inside themselves alone, linking them and getting them to accept others is the hard bit.

One sad thing that has remained with me. Many years ago my first wife passed away, so after a while I advertised in hte newspaper to get to know someone with a view to a permanent relationship. I was deluged in answers, and happily found the exact right one -we are still together. However what struck me was that so many of the others did not really want another human being with all the little accommodations that might take, just a convenient tidy fantasy. Knowing what they really wanted would have helped them.

Are you reading at the moment?

Croix

[bear53]

Hi, havent been on this post for some time, but then that could be a good thing right? So a couple ofyears ago I was diagnosed with PTSD post work incident and was on workcover further down the track due to a separate work incident with an agressive pt.

I got back to my full time load and cleared for full duties earlier this year. (Partly at my request to my GP as I was almost up to full duties anyway and dealing with the workcover agent every month was a big stress in itself - they could be soo rude!)

I was happy at work and managing well, enjoying work I do in the community.

BUT... a few months ago there was a seriuos code black incident, sonething many of us felt could potentially happen . I wasnt involved on the day but knew the pt well, so that shook me a bit.

Thats not the problem thou. Now I am being called up for an investigative meeting with potential discipline for something related to this. (cant post too much) if it came to dismissal I would have a good case for unfair dismissal.

I have taken a week off work due to stress. I have some great supports, including my family, husband, GP , and representative. Am trying to do some regular exercise and look after myself in the meantime. But my anxiety is pretty high at times, i do get some physical symptons from this.not sure whether or not to reactivate my workcover claim, but fear this will make it worse. Anyone done this before?

Also looking for some good tips for when I go to the meeting to help me manage it.

Thanks. Bear.

[Reflection]

Hi Littleboots,

this one will just be a short one, as I'm typing about 5 different things at once and getting nowhere. I am glad to hear from you and sorry it's taken forever for me to respond. Life has been having its ups and a few downs, but overall, we're all still here and kicking, so, that's a good start.

I have been diagnosed with c-PTSD and dep anx, plus alcohol use disorder - so, a few things. These things are obviously not something that goes away, but things are improving.

how are you going with life?

Yes, the organisation certainly has a way of disbanding with people. It's some years ago for me, so the bitterness to that end has mostly gone - I'm still not a fan, but I understand it's just the nature of that bureaucratic beast.

What kind of dog do you have? it's good to have a companion, so I'm glad to hear that you've got a furry friend :).

I have been quite busy lately hence the not checking in here. Iam still at uni, winding down the years to go. I have an interest in trying to help others, so I've chosen a degree that aligns with that goal. I just got a new job, so we'll see if that goes ok or not soon, I have my fingers crossed.

What about you, what's been happening?

Thanks.

Ref.

[Mayoush]

The lockdown is draining me as well as the CPTSD symptims.... dunno what to do!

[bear53]

Feeling pretty down right now, though some days, or parts of days are better than others.

So for just over 2 months now I have been in conflict with management at work, over what they considered needed a disciplinary action. Without saying too much about it, I had fantastic support from a relative trained in HR, (who sought advice from an IR lawyer when needed) which was great as my union wasnt very helpful.I took sick leave as needed. Despite my relative pointing out to management at the very first meeting with them that they had broken EBA discipline procedures, management pursued the matter and would not move on their views to the point where we then issued a 3 page grievance to management.Management still held firm.I was offered to be moved to a different area, but not happy to do this, as I loved where I worked and the people I worked with.

Eventually they offered a settlement for me to leave, not before I contacted an industrial relations specialist to represent me.She was very empathetic and understanding of how poorly I had been treated. I had worked there for 16 years.

Whilst my husband and my relative were supportive and encouraging me to leave, (and financially I could) have been feeling flat ever since. I miss the work and my colleagues , and not being allowed to explain to them what realy hapened is difficult(even though work was a toxic enironment at times). Covid restrictions arent helping.

I do have some hobbies and try to do some exercise as I feel like it and have motivation.(running, walk the dog, yoga) . Meditation helps at time too.Ihave 3 grown up children who are all doing well, and I have other things to be grateful for. I may look at doing some casual work with a different employer.

just needed to rant, at times I think Im doing ok, but a minor disagreement with hubby leaves me in tears. The whole ordeal has taken so much out of me, so many negative feelings and thoughts at times. For anyone who left their jobs, what helped short term? I thought I was managing my PTSD well, but maybe this is playing into it as well.

[Croix]

Dear LB~

I do not know if you are still reading this thread, it has been quite a while.

I hope you and the canine companion are in the pink and you are occupied and enjoying it. I've just come back from a short holiday, always a blessing, though I don't seem to have done much different.

The state library has had a triumph. Way back in December I ordered a copy of the Cuckoos Calling which you mentioned you were reading. It arrived about 2 days ago so I go to read it too. A bit like Sam Spade meets Girl Friday, but shows Joanne's flexibility, mind you it languished in relative obscurity until the true name of the author became known -surprise!

I think the library sees the mañana philosophy as being unseemly haste. Anyway to keep them busy I've now ordered the next in the series.

Apart from that a little snow, did not last but cold winds, fireside weather.

I've also been watching Bruno Cremer's French TV series of Maigret, might appeal to you as it is about people rather than cops. You have to put up with subtitles though.

The menagerie is fine

Croix