PTSD for Medical and First Responders

[A_Tech]

Hi,

Well obviously this my situation.

I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others).

Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management.

I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat.

Cheers ✌️

[bear53]

Thankyou all for your kind words and support, which is all helpful. I agree Croix that they (workcover) may not be taking the previous incident into account. Interestng thou, workcover said they would speak to my GP, this didnt occur ( were they trying to intimidate me at the time???)

Have increased my hours slightly, see how it goes( as my gp said, i can always drop back if not managing). Doing ok at work, thou someone did ask was I ok, as I was quiet. I do still feel a bit disconnected with people at work sometimes.Luckily I can trust this person and they know whats going on. Have also found a great meditation app, has lots of teachers , but one teacher in particular is excellent on it. ( Happy to share the app and teacher, just wasnt sure if this is permitted on this forum) . Also using a CD meditation my psychologist recommended, is now on my phone.

[Croix]

Dear Bear53

I'm not surprised you feel a disconnect between your fellow workers and yourself. Until they have had your experiences they may well seem a little shallow and less able. The sort of experience you had will separate anyone to some degree.

Hopefully over time you will accommodate this and it will not be so obvious and possibly even isolating.

Personally I would like to know of the meditation app you discovered. While you cannot post links here you can give enough details for anyone to Google it, so please do.

For example if I was to say I'd watched Brené Brown talking about the anatomy of trust you would find it even though I'd not given the exact address.

Croix

[bear53]

Hi Croix,

the speaker is Sarah Blondin, if you google her name it also mentions the app where I found her, also literally hundreds of other teachers on this app.Hope you find it as useful as I have.

[Croix]

Dear Bear53~

Thank you, may offer in return mention of the free smartphone app, Smiling Mind, which I've found very useful. It takes a quite different approach, but has helped me stop the mind going around and around in anxiety-ridden circles many times

Croix

[Recuperandi]

Hi Bear 53. The app you are talking about is a great app and I use it regularly. From my experience meditation, mindfulness and regular exercise are fantastic at grounding you and bringing you into the present moment. The challenge for everyone is to build a daily routine where meditation, mindfulness and exercise are a part of your daily activities, easier said than done but it will pay off if you can make it a regular part of your day. Good luck and keep up the good work.

[Sandy2577]

Hi Mark, I can so relate. It was 7 years ago for me and I can still visualise everything. Meditation and mindfulness has saved my life from the grips of my PTSD, I deal with some other planet type situations, but have not been triggered (touch wood). You still doubt whether your fixed or not. These days the only people who can trigger me easily is family or close friends. But using the meditation I can get myself back under control. PTSD was a horrific ******* to best. Proud of you.

[Johnnya]

Hi everyone.

I suppose I'm writing this for a few reasons. One is to see how others have coped with similar situations and the other to see if pursuing some justice around my situation is worthwhile.

About 11 years ago I was working in an ICU in NSW. I became the go to nurse for a particular client who was ventilator dependent. The client decided after a lot of pursuing various avenues that they wished to have their ventilator disconnected and be allowed to die. They also wanted to donate their organs as a non-heart beating donor. Over several months of care and working with the client we had become strong friends, They asked me to not only be their when the vent was disconnected but to also not leave them alone in the OR whilst the organ harvesting went ahead. I went ahead and saw this day through.

For the whole week I felt numb. I was told by my manager that it had been just a normal day in ICU. Pretty quickly I'd started using anything and everything I could to make me feel different, to try and help me sleep and to just kill the memory of what I had seen. Of course I had access to opiates and other drugs at work and soon started stealing from the s4/s8 stock.

Within 5 years I had lost everything including my house, family, money and I gave my rego up before they took it away from me. I was homeless, suffering from AoD addictions and with severe depression and anxiety. Trauma after trauma after trauma.

I've come out the other side now, I work with the Homeless using my experiences to inspire hope and provide support to those experiencing similar situations. I've been through rehab and cope well with my story. I've been clean over 2 years and live an amazing life

Still though I don't feel like theres been any justice served. I still feel like I was just thrown away and that no one at the time recognised what was going on for me. I still feel like I haven't been heard! Do other people have experience of coping with this?

I also feel that what wqith the understanding of trauma and PTSD that there is today compared to 10 years ago, should I consider trying to get my case reviewed? I'm hesitant to say the least.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and look forward to your replies.

[Croix]

Dear Johnnya~

I'd like to welcome you here and congratulate you, you have survived where many have not

you say:

I've come out the other side now, I work with the Homeless using my
experiences to inspire hope and provide support to those experiencing
similar situations. I've been through rehab and cope well with my story.
I've been clean over 2 years and live an amazing life

That is pretty awesome, and something to be really prized. Considering the cause was so devastating to get to where you are now should also be protected.

It may well be you help more people now than ever you did in ICU.

May I ask why you are considering legal action?

Have you considered firstly the complexity and expense of any legal action, for an incident 10 years ago, with witnesses now hard to find and having hazy recollections.. You would be disputing against an insurance company. You already know the manager would be a stumbling block.

Secondly and more importantly have you considered the re-traumatizing of such proceedings might put all your gains at risk . Being asked to relive events is sometimes very terrible.

Please remember it is a legal system, not a justice system.

I too was thrown away and would dearly like to have matters fairly dealt with and opportunities to return to my former life. I did not, and for me that has been the best decision.

It is ironic that another in my situation did take matters to court, we met up again in the psych ward, so who's to say the better way.

I'm not saying either way what you should do, just suggesting down sides and for you to be able to balance them against wahtever you wish to gain.

Do you have anyone you can talk these thngs over with?

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Johnnya~

I've thought about your post overnight and realize I should have said this earlier. You made a promise to someone in great need and kept it. True it came at huge cost to yourself, however keeping your word may be one of the most important things a person can ever do.

Croix

[LouiseM23]

Hi, I just wanted to say that it is heart warming reading the responses to this thread.

I was a CSO (left a few months ago) and I am currently in the throws of dealing with sleep disturbance, anxiety and horrible thoughts and memories based on the things I have seen, wrote and read. One case for me in particular I believe was my undoing, as it was based on the horrific abuse of a 3 year old child, which for me triggered a number of flashbacks to my own childhood, and abuse which occurred then.

I find it so hard at the moment receiving help (but am reaching out for it and working with my Dr and soon a psychologist), as I am usually cast in the helping role. I have gone from a fairly confident well functioning adult to someone I don't recognise and feel like my mind has failed me. I am on a variety of medications at the moment, which I would never dream I would have to take, and they appear to be helping somewhat.

I remember on my last day of work as a CSO prior to leaving for another job (as I just couldn't cope anymore) asking if they were interested to know what went wrong, and was told that I could come back at another time and have that discussion. I had disclosed about my abuse to my then team leader and still had to work that case until my last day. I harbour some anger about this. I moved on to the next job, but my anxiety and processing what had happened as a CSO left me without sleep and I was a mess, so consequently I didn't end up staying in that role either, which leads me to now. Some days I feel OK, others are terrible. That is the worst feeling - the ups and downs.