PTSD for Medical and First Responders

[A_Tech]

Hi,

Well obviously this my situation.

I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others).

Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management.

I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat.

Cheers ✌️

[Kid_in_denial]

T.R

Mark makes some really good points. Yes it all sux, but acceptance is moving forward. Not to say our feelings aren't valid. Sometimes we need to take time to feel the shitty parts so that we can move onto the next part. We need to have these emotions, however we need to know when to reel them in and get on with it. Now that's not saying get over it, just let it out so it doesn't fester, don't dive into things head first either - just one step in front of the other.

I am still wearing my learners here too. Take every little bit of advice that is helpful and try to apply it. Biggest thing is acceptance and pace. Hope you're alright. Always someone in the world who cares - even if we haven't met them yet.

S xx

[MarkJT]

T.R. yes it sucks, sucks massive and I completely validate how you are feeling because i have walked in your shoes but as Kid (by the way S, awesome post) says above, we need to find a way to move forward.

When we can sit there and validate our own feelings and where we are at, accept that depression or anxiety or what ever PTSD symptom is present, then we can make good strides in recovery.

Not for one second here and i telling you to "toughen up" or the like, it is about changing the thought processes in our minds.

Hard long road but one that many have traveled on so you can to.

Mark.

[TrailRunner]

*Big big sigh. Jumping around and Shaking it off. Reeling the crazy in.*

Looking to the future (which is rushing towards me) bracing myself for what it will be.

try try again..

i know all the things I'm supposed to be doing. Exercise, eat enough food, sleep, socialise, productive work, finish my uni work.

ive been so self destructive though. This has to change..

try try again...? What else is there that I can do to make it work?

[Kid_in_denial]

I don't think there is anything "crazy" about having emotional responses. We all have them. Some just more hightened than others at different times.

I know it is frustrating. Hell, I am living it too. Might not be the same story as yours but it sure is along the same lines of emotional instability at times. What are we doing if we are not trying? Giving up? We owe it to ourselves to keep trying. We are worth it.

Are you seeing someone to help you work through these feelings? Your uncertainty reminds me a lot of myself. Things do get better. Different, but better.

S

[MarkJT]

TR, each time you try you are a step closer to success.

Remember this is a marathon, not a sprint.

You cannot get up one day and say i am going to run a marathon today. You train. You start at 5kms, then 8kms, then 12 kms, then 15kms etc until you get to 35kms and you are race ready.

This is a journey that you are on and each day you take a step towards recovery. Every now and then you take two steps back and that is not a relapse - it is a sign to step back, re-asses and start that forward motion again.

Be kind to yourself, if something doesn't work, try it again tomorrow - practice practice practice.

Mark.

[TrailRunner]

Kid: I am regularaly seeing a psychologist and gp. This week my psychologist has pushed out our appointments to 5 weeks 😳 it has been 3 weeks for a while now
Psych’s not sure what to do with me anymore, I’m trying ?matrix reimaging EFT next week.
GP doesn’t know where to from here either. They’re going to have a chat next week.
feel like I’ve let them both down.
Why can’t I just do all the things that im meant to?! Why can’t I just follow the advice I know will make a difference?
Its as if im unwillling to get better. But I’m sick of being like this. I’m sick of me
What on earth is wrong!!!

[Kid_in_denial]

T.R,

I am sorry that things seem to be difficult for you right now. It is really hard to find the right help, the right treatment. There is a lot of trial and error when it comes to mental health. Unfortunately we are like crash test dummies.

Don't ever feel like you have let anyone down. This is not your fault. Surviving is trying. Surviving is hard. Seems that you are attending therapy and doing all the right things, but like many of us you are finding it hard to apply.

Is there a reason the therapist has pushed things back to 5th weekly? Financial strain for example? One would think they would continue more intensive therapy unless you were getting "better".

I think you share a lot of the same thoughts and feelings we all do - hence the reason we came here to begin with. There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. Maybe you need to be a little bit nicer to yourself. It is the biggest challenge, I know! Coming here is progress, even if it doesn't feel that way. I hope tomorrow is better for you. Always here if you want to chat about anything.

S

[TrailRunner]

Psychologist tried stretching out my sessions before, but I didn't feel ready to. This time I just went along with it, I had no energy left for that discussion.
I think shes mentioned before that maybe the regular visits are just reminding me of the traumas, reminding me i'm sick, reminding me i'm not normal.
She wants me to make an appointment for image re-matrixing, i keep forgetting to make an appointment. SO useless.
Kid, I do need to be nicer to myself. It is a big challenge.
I've signed up to two meditation/mindfulness courses this month. . . Haven't signed back into any of them. so shitty with myself. My life is just one big fat "If only . . ."
Instead i just drown out the mind with tv.

[Kid_in_denial]

T.R,

I would have to say that I agree with that reasoning - maybe you are too consumed by everything that you need a break from therapy. I have just done the same thing. A friend of mine is a psychologist and I asked if they would ever recommend stepping back from therapy. The answer was yes, so long as a client wasn't forming a pattern of using psych for crisis management - as this then prevents it from being therapeutic and can become an issue in itself. I felt as though my life was MH. Sounds stupid but I almost feel as though I have to be better to get better. Redirect my thinking.

Maybe you, like me, have too much on your plate at the moment. It is ok for you to take your mind off with TV if that is something that is helpful to you. The problem is creating a healthier pattern of coping. This is where the baby steps come in. Just add a little bit of something more to each day or even week if that's where you are at. Sit outside in the sun. Take a walk. 10 mins is all you need. Hang out some washing or do a task you think needs doing and then reward yourself with some time out. It is hard, and it's long and slow, but I am starting to get the hang of it and I was where you are not even a month ago. I honestly felt hopeless and useless and never saw myself breaking the cycle. I am far from "better" but I am also seeing little changes and being nicer to myself about those instead of concentrating on what I am not doing.

Instead of 2 courses and the image re-matrixing, how about try for one at a time and go from there? Make a plan to get there.... don't make plans to do things before or after it. Get someone to take you if you can. Once the plan is made then forget about it until it is time. When the appointment is done - give yourself some breathing space. Then make the next plan. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. If you don't have too much on your plate then you won't have to be so hard on yourself about what you aren't doing and then give up on everything because it is all too much.

I don't know what else to say. You are on your way to progress. Doesn't feel like it, but wanting things to change is already a step closer to where you want to be. I initially turned to this thread because I felt pressured to go back to work and I am really not ready to do that. Thinking about it was an added pressure that I didn't need. I'm just getting by day to day, and that is all I need to do right now. When you slow things down life becomes easier.

S xx

[MarkJT]

TR, I can absolutely tell you that you are not letting anyone down, not your psychs, not your GP and certainly not you.

As far as forgetting things, I put everything into my phone calendar and have alerts, if it is isn't in there, I don't remember, like yesterday morning...oops. So be it - my memory is cooked. Not ideal but it is what it is.

It is the easiest thing in the world to tell ourselves to do certain things but it is also equally as hard to accoplish those things. I practice mindfulness a fair bit but then i lapse of it and i don't feel as good. Pretty bloody simply but i cannot do it to what i want to do it.

Do I bash myself over this, no because I have learnt to be kind to myself, it is not easy but I would love for you to start trying to do that.

Mark