PTSD for Medical and First Responders

[A_Tech]

Hi,

Well obviously this my situation.

I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others).

Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management.

I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat.

Cheers ✌️

[A_Tech]

Thank you

Donna xx

[A_Tech]

Hey Trailrunner,

I SO wish I had tips on winding down. Even now, doing better, I still struggle with that.

I worry sometimes that's so inbuilt into me that it may never change. I was highly strung before I started that job and I am still am without the job.

I've tried all the recommend techniques but they didn't help so much for me. The only thing that did seem to make a bit of a difference was to actually leave the job for a while.

I know that sounds so easy, and obviously it was easier for me as my husband was still working. But I read these posts and it does worry me sometimes.

So many of us push through for so long until we 'break' in a very big way. The problem then, is that it usually means a lot of time off (as in my case, coming up for 3 years not working). Going back after this amount of time not working at is daunting. And I'm still not quite there, hopeful for the new year?

If we only had some value in ourselves (and didn't have to worry about the stigma, gossip, rumours etc), then we could take real time off when we first need it and be back at work sooner. And I'm not talking about a couple of weeks or months either. In an ideal world (lol!) it should be mandatory for work related PTSD to have decent leave, then redeployment (if up to it) until we're ready to resume our positions. We'd all recover so much faster!

Sorry I couldn't help with unwinding.

Donna.

[A_Tech]

Hi Kanga,

Yes you most certainly do deserve to be here, we all do!

Some of my family are volunteer SES here in Perth and I know they struggle with some of what they've been through too. Any job that puts us in danger personally, or has us facing unimaginable things for most people to ever comprehend, is both admirable and devastating at the same time.

I've said in a few of my posts that I think it really does take a certain type of person to do the things we do. What we see on a regular basis is NEVER supposed to seen. It's not things you can chat about with friends unless they do the same work. I had my brother tell me off in a big way because he overheard me talking with my husband (who happens to work in the same hospital, different job). That's when I really realised how fragile most people are to these things.

I feel your panic about events too. After you've been through any of these things you know how it feels. So whether your there for something or not, the fight/flight response that is so natural for humans kicks in. Both before I was diagnosed and definitely since, I've had so many times that I heard of traumas and would relive the feelings. Not a specific event, but the general feelings we go through. The racing heart, knotted stomach, you can feel yourself on edge so badly and all you want to do is run!

I remember not long after I was diagnosed and had stopped working, I was in my car at traffic lights and there was a horrific accident in front of me. Normally not a problem, but that day I froze. It took the honking cars to get me moving but I had to pull over, a panic attack. Scared the crap out of me!

Ironically the rescue helicopter that I saw on a daily basis at work, fly's over my house on it's way back to base. I LOVED that thing more than I express (sad I know), but I couldn't look at it for almost a year after I left work. That was so hard, hearing it every day, multiple times.

But now I'm back outside to watch when it fly's over and it feels good!

So welcome to our little thread. I hope you find some comfort from some of our posts and I hope to talk to again soon.

Donna.

[TrailRunner]

Hi guys,
Im back to my pre-injury hours at work but I'm totally non-clinical. Still interacting with my department but not the patients.
I had thought that being out of there would solve all the problems, but I'm finding myself to be just as jumpy, startled and worried. Its exhausting to deal with the hyper vigilance, the door opens i jump, workmate talks to me all of a sudden and I get a fright, noise outside the office I'm startled. Exhausted.
Any tips for dealing with sudden noises?
Thanks x

[less_than_human]

I understand this thread, is for first responders and emergency services, but as a person who has been taken to emergency in a state that may have caused some of you or your colleagues to be traumatized, i sincerely do appologies for my selfish actions.

Thank you to all of you for the work you do, and for sharing your stories. You have truely opened my eyes.

[MarkJT]

LTH, from my point of view, absolutely no need to apologise whatsoever.

My trauma's come from suicides that i attended and i do not hold those people accountable. Not one iota.

I feel excessively sorry for them that they could not overcome their demons.

I acknowledge how you feel but let me assure you, i do not see your actions as selfish. When we are dealing with mental health conditions, our brains become the bad lands and we do not make the best of decisions.

You are worth it mate. You are strong. You have courage. You have hope.

Mark.

[Kid_in_denial]

Hi,

I am a 35 year old RN who works in ED. I am currently on extended maternity leave due to postnatal depression. I have recently been diagnosed complex PTSD, BPD and bipolar II. I was not even aware I could fit into so many different baskets! I absolutely love my job. I was a mature graduate and have only been in the game for 7 years. I have so many things on my plate and it seems the solution, suggested by many (non medical folk), is to return to work. I am so scared to go back, especially now I know what is "wrong" with me.

I badly want to make a difference and have that great connection that I get from the people who are vulnerable and so grateful for my hard work.....but I don't know if I can face anymore trauma. I also live in a rural area and the hospital where I work is the only hospital for all the people I know to come. I've had friends brought in DOA, some lose their babies. Recently we lost 2 staff members in 1 day (while I was on leave). Both young. Both tragic.

I don't think I can cope with performing advanced life support on another teenage suicide. It is really easy to disconnect at the time but it catches up to you.

Also, when my baby was born (3rd baby) he was in respiratory distress and was taken away from me as I lay helpless on the operating table. Having medical knowledge was anything but comforting. A lovely nurse was patting my forehead and telling me everything was fine.....it felt like my baby was not going to make it. I didn't know for an hour and a half where he was or if he was alright. The recovery nurses were all asking about my beautiful newborn and I just cried. My heart was in my throat that entire time.

I admire every single one of you who get up and do such amazing work. Especially those who have been in the game for so long and who are still out there surviving.

Will I be able to go back? Who knows. I haven't had the chance to read all comments yet, but if anyone has been in a similar position then I would love to hear your story!

S

[MarkJT]

Hey S, I will talk about other things but first, now is the time that you put you as number one. No one else, you are number one, not even your kids as far as I am concerned. The reason this is, to be an effective carer for them, you have to be as good as you can be.

I have PTSD, depression and anxiety and I kind of think of it as buying one (PTSD) and getting two free (depression and anxiety). Yes we can have a whole range of mental health conditions all operating at the one time.

It is admirable that you want to get back to your job and help people but as hard as it may be, you need to give this a wide berth if you do not want to go back to trauma. Further trauma may do you more harm and as I said at the start, you are number one. Is there another area in the hospital that you can work and help people but stay clear of trauma?

I cannot agree with the people saying you need to get back there. I got back to work but am sheltered from trauma and only after very successful clinical treatment allowed to get on top of my PTSD symptoms and even then, I do not plan on working in a policing unit that exposes me to trauma ever again.

Are you currently being treated for the mental health conditions you have been diagnosed with?

Mark

[Kid_in_denial]

Hi Mark,

I definitely went for the buy one, get two free offer. It is kind of four but I like to think I kicked the postnatal depression in the arse and have moved on to the bigger, more permanent issues.

I totally agree that going back to work is not the right thing for me at this time, however I feel like there is a lot of pressure put on me to do so because people believe it will benefit me to have that independence and income again. I understand the theory but I am starting to get annoyed with the idea being forced on me so often. I also understand that people don't mean any harm in saying so - although some opinions are questionable.

I love working trauma, I love the adrenaline rush - especially on a night shift. The problem is that I cannot pick and choose what incidents I get to be involved in. Some really have no effect on me. Others rip me apart. We only have a couple of doctors who will run a debrief after a major resus. There is not enough internal support. I have worked other wards on casual shifts and found it very mind numbing. I am very impulsive so ED works well for me. Plus we run 12 hour shifts so it is more time off to spend with my family. No other wards do the same. I would love to work as the IV specialist but that involves more study and a vacant position. Ultimately I think work needs to be put on the back burner for now. It is another stressor more than anything. I am just scared of losing my clinical skills and having to undergo further training and assessments to get back on the job.

I am receiving therapy for my mental health issues. I see a psychiatrist once a f/n and the psychologist on the off week. We are only just about to begin DBT and CBT next week and I have just stripped back from all medications to start fresh. I have been fortunate to find good help. Only took 18 years, but it is better late than never.

S

[Croix]

Dear S~

Asking for other's experiences can be a pretty good idea. I'm another ex-policeman with PTSD, anxiety and bouts of depression. Unlike Mark above I was not able to return to my work, it happened a fair while ago and support was non-existent.

Like you the job I had suited my temperament, talents and abilities - well I thought so at the time:)

I do know that being away from the environment that made me ill was a big bonus, but even then it took a long while to get to a reasonably stable state, working in education which was a complete contrast.

Being independent and having financial resources is indeed not only a practical thing, but also a huge boost to self-esteem and decision making. I never had the opportunity to try as I said, but if I did have I would have gone back to the police, however I'd have put in for a completely different role, at least for a while. Maybe even something clerical or similar. That would have given me the time to assess if I could ever have gone back to what I did before.

After all this happened I really did not know myself, and would have needed a 1/2 way stage to get to see the new me.

Getting out of date and having to train to get up to speed is not all that big a hurdle. My son works in A&E and they have always been so short of competent staff that anyone who is willing to go that path gets heaps of help and encouragement. After only 7 or so years out of uni the study habit will still be fresh for a long time.

I hope the new therapies go well. I think we would all be interested in how you go

Croix