PTSD for Medical and First Responders

[A_Tech]

Hi,

Well obviously this my situation.

I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others).

Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management.

I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat.

Cheers ✌️

[The_Abyss]

Was this the first anniversary Trailrunner?

I found the first anniversary the hardest, and for me it came unexpectedly. To make it worse, there was a lot of publicity around the event, a lot of other stuff going on. For me it helped to speak with others involved in the event, to remember, to talk, to put it all to bed. This was more helpful than speaking with the psychologist, because he wasn't there, wasn't part of it, didn't really understand.

The following year was easier. I started pairing the date with something more pleasant, and now I remember but aren't distressed.

Talk about the event with whoever you feel comfortable with. Write down your feelings, your thoughts, your fears. You don't need to show anyone, you just need to express them. Give yourself some time off. Go for a run, a hike, something physically challenging, go alone and run yourself to exhaustion. Come home, wrap yourself in cotton wool, cry, and get up the next day knowing you survived and can go on.

You can get through this, it will get better, and life will go on.

TA

[Airies]

Hi there,

stumbled across this thread and can relate perfectly. Have been referred to do a PTSD course and a bit hesitant about it. I spent 25 years working as a Prison Officer and also a number of years working as a Library Technician in between. Talk about polar opposites as professions. I was always a perfectionist in whatever I do. Highly vigilant in my job and operated on auto pilot for years until I had enough a number of years ago. The biggest mistake I made was returning in a casual capacity in the same job and had a complete breakdown 2 years ago.

I haven't worked since and won't again. I have a supportive wife and wonderful children, young adults, my world. I've had a number of hospital admissions ( psych and other) , and in a lot better headspace then I was. My nights are hellish. My meds help but also are responsable for vivid dreams. I'm now on additional medication to help with this.

Ive always used excercise as an outlet along with dietary issues all my life. Now in my early 50s, modified my excercise regime as I can't do what I used to do. It's a fine line between being aware on a bicyle and terrified as I recently found out.

The workplace wasnt supportive. They tick the boxes of doing so. I'm lucky I'd have a supportive understanding GP over the years and after a number of psychs, various meds, courses and treatments most days are ok. I try and keep busy, excercise most days and a tad obsessive about my diet resulting in me being in the best place physically for a number of years. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 years back which explained a lot.

I saw a lot over the years but it wasn't that got to me over the years. It was ticking the boxes that needed ticking, well ahead of time,leaving and coming back a number of times and then a complete breakdown 2 years ago. My family is my rock, I'm lucky to have them. I don't do Winter well and long for the Spring/Summer around the corner. When I was having ECT when I was really unwell the only moments peace were when I was going under. Thankfully everything helped, a lot better now but it's a fragile existence. Learning to reinvent oneself in my early 50s and moving forward.

Regards Len

[Croix]

Dear Len~

I can relate though I'm a lot further away in years from the start, doing very much better. I too find winter cuts out one of my major remedies - going for a walk. (Lung problems means I can't go out in the cold, spine means I can't do proper exercise.)

Meds up at the moment and more dreams, I could probably do without that particular 'entertainment experience'.

Why am I grizzling? Took me by surprise, don't normally carry on. I think it was your mention of winter.

Please be assured time does heal greatly even if I do grouse..

Take care

Croix

[A_Tech]

Hi Len,

I'm really glad you posted, thank you for sharing so much of your life. I know the first few times are daunting.

It's uncanny that you've posted today, only last night I was thinking about when I was at work and which theatre lists I felt that I might have made a difference to (because thats important to me). The ECT list was what I was thinking about last night. Three times a week we were involved for anaesthetics (I'm guessing you know I'm an anaesthetic technician) and watching the dramatic changes in patients was inspiring. From barely wanting to look or talk to me to chatting with me and wishing me well, I was amazed. When it works it really does work. I'm so glad to hear it was a success for you!

I don't know how much of this thread you've read through, but I can most definitely relate to the unsupportive workplace and to the pedantic nature of having to tick the boxes!! Anaesthetics is one job that more than requires being OCD by nature, haha.

Sometimes I still wonder if jobs like all of ours on this thread, that have these heavy burden type jobs where we either see too much or have lives in our hands, and we don't have jobs that we can leave at work when the shift is over either! That's if the shift is over, because we're all in jobs that are typically government and understaffed, I wonder if we actually could've done anything different or not.

I mean, typically it takes a certain type of person to do these jobs (or so I'm told), to me I found home when I started my job 🙂 . My reference to anaesthetics needing an OCD nature was not a joke, if we mess up people die! So, I don't think I could've done anything different to prevent my PTSD from occurring because I'm a naturally stressy person. Does that make sense??

Sorry to ramble on a bit there, not really sure how to say what I was thinking. Hopefully it makes some sense.

My grandfather and uncle were prison officers. Grandfather was an officer for 35 odd years, mostly Fremantle Prison in WA, and after that closed he moved to Albany Regional until he retired.

It's good to hear that you have a strong support network at home, thats the most important thing I think. You can survive anything if the people around you are there for you.

Take care,

Donna.

[kanga_brumby]

I figger that I qualify for this area being retired SES and attending several accidents either road trauma, or industrial. With memories of ash Wednesday. These days all we need is a code red day for fire. A bush Fire to be within 500 kiloliters of where I or my family is I am in a total panic. I feel as if I have to run away Find a boat get out to sea about 300 kilometers just to feel safe. Mind you I was in Melbourne safe when the fires were raging. So I was safe, but what I saw and felt the fear. Still has me rattled normally I am one of the first in to help someone, and the last to leave. Not now not after those fires.

Kanga

[Airies]

Hi Donna,

can relate perfectly. Years ago diagnosed with ADHD so always been hyper, never do things by halves and for years always had a nervous energy.You make perfect sense. I sort of thrived in that environment for years and managed to roll with it.Hindsight is a wonderful thing but it was just a question of when.ive seen the toll the job takes on a number of former work colleagues.I only keep in contact with one and we try and talk about everything else but are always drawn back to our days back at the old Geelong goal. Life was so,much simpler then and the world as we know it has definitely changed.

I sincerely hope you are doing ok. I have found posting here on Beyond Blue and finding similar minded souls who get it of great support. ECT worked wonders but at a cost. My long term and short term memory suffered and I still have big gaps but it was life changing. All part of the journey I guess and as humans shows how resililient we can be. I am certain you made a difference and I can hear the warmth in your words. I had about 20 treatments all up and it was quite scary at times. You have no idea how reassuring, a familiar face,smile, compassion and the touch of a hand made and treated like a human being made a difference.Thankyou on behalf of all your patients and to members of your profession.I k ow how difficult it can be dealing with people and we were both, like many here involved in very unique fields.

Like you and many here we would put on our professional,heads, soldier on and then running on empty with the inevitable crash. I've recently had an addition to my meds. I take quite a few and to alleviate nightmares and dreams I now take an additional tablet which I'm adjusting too.

I now focus my full attention on other things, practice Mindfullness, taking time out to smell

the roses and liken myself to an onion stripped bare and rebuilding yet again, layer by layer. Sounds like you found a great psych registrar. It's little things that make sense, pardon the pun register.My psych, God bless her said to me the other day you can't compare the old you to the new you. I'm learning to be much kinder to myself and accepting of the cards I have been dealt.

im sure you will continue to inspire,make a difference in whatever you do.We all have that capacity to change grow, reboot, take stock and move for award.Even though it's Winter I try and focus on the Blue sky as aposed to the odd grey cloud that drifts across,

take care cheers Len

[A_Tech]

Hi Len,

I too have ADHD and have always been hyper. It would be very interesting to see just how many people in our type of 'unique' professions do have it. It would certainly add to the understanding of why we end up in these high stress, high performing jobs. Like you I thrived on the adrenaline. As much as the trauma was my down fall in the end (because I didn't deal with the fallout properly) it was also what I lived for in a way.

At the moment I'm not in contact with anyone I worked with, but when I was it was the same as you. Inevitably the conversation always lead back to work.But that's because these are the type of jobs are a lifestyle, not just a job! As I said in my last post, most of us couldn't just walk away at the end of the shift and forget, it's just not possible.

The medication train is a hard one at times isn't it? I'm pretty good now, my PTSD started about 4 1/2 years ago but I was diagnosed 3 1/2 years ago. It's been very up and down thats for sure. Even up until early this year I wasn't sure if I was actually making a lot of progress. As great as my psych is, I just got really tired of talking about the same things over and over. I'm sure everyone can relate to that one!

About a month ago I started going to a place in South Perth called Brain Wellness Spa. It's expensive ($195 per session) but so worth it. I've had results from the first session and for the first time in 4 years I'm not feeling depressed at all and I can see myself being able to go back to work soon.

Your right about us as humans having the capacity to change, we just often don't think we can. It's amazing what we can do when we have to survive though. When you think about people getting lost in the wilderness etc and surviving, that's pure survival because they have too. And so can all of us, we just need to allow ourselves to do so without the extreme wilderness part, haha.

Keep soldering on Len, as will I. I like this thread because I know the people here really understand the things I've been through.

Take care.

Donna x

[Airies]

Hi Donna ,

this is a great thread, so many pararells. Can relate perfectly to you on so many levels. I thrived in the environment, yet struggled in the normal world.

You live in a lovelly part of the world, Perth is beautiful,,loved Fremantle and visited once when my younger brother was based there in the Army.. I'm close by the sea in Vic. Don't know how well you know Vic but down near the Heads opposite the Mornington Peninsula.

. It's a tad cold but it's dry for now at least.Reading back over the thread I gather you are back studying.

I'm adjusting to a new med, to cut back on the nightmares and cancelled my 1 on 1 today as feeling a bit nautious with the additional med. Having said that this evening is the best I've felt all week, sleeping well most nights since and received verbal notification of my referal to a PTSD course sometime in the near future. So a win win for me but that initial step will be hardThat's fantastic news re : the Brain Wellness Spa well worth the money if it works and by the sound of it it is.A great investment and it's all about the right intervention at the right time.

It's great that you can see yourself returning to the workforce when you are ready. It goes to show, despite everything ,each step forward, however small is a great leap.

I know certain things aren't covered by Private Health Cover. I know mine would be operating at a mega loss if I was the only contributor. I'm in the last unit of a DBT Course which has helped immensely. Upon its completion I have the option of repeating, doing the grad course or moving on. To be quite honest I think by its conclusion I've gained enough insight to move on and address the other issues and not that it's worst case scenario I can always go back but I need to move forward as part of my progress. I think as individuals we just know. I agree it's pretty much up and down but positive. Indicative of the progress we ve made! This is a great thread,genuine people who just get it. It's the same with my DBT group, a whole mirriad of people, ages, professions and personal journeys who soldier on week in, week out with no judgement whatsoever.

You have to keep on soldiering on. We are all worthy of it. I always wanted to climb Mount Everest, mind you I've a fear of heights and in the age bracket and medicated bliss that climbing a ladder is a challenge. I used to run marathons and they were my little mountains.Now I'm taking baby steps,

take care 🙂 Have a good one

cheers Len X

[TrailRunner]

My psychologist has said similar A Tech; that your brain keeps seeing flashbacks of these memories cause it can't quite figure out where it belongs in the filing system of how we perceive the world. When the traumatic events are so inexplainable our brain struggles to make peace with it. Seems it won't rest until your brain has happily filed it under 'stuff that happens for no reason and I can't explain it' Just don't know how to get them in the file yet!

Its bloody frustrating that I can't make it go away!

I've moved in to a new role, same workplace. Liking the work and there team I'm working with. But not being able to wind down just makes it so hard to be cool calm and collected at work. I hold it together though. But I cry going to work again thinking I won't be able to get through the day or on the way home feeling like what a relief I survived! But then I still can't wind down even when I'm safely home again.

i feel as though I'm slipping and I can't control the fall.

I've had the anniversary, the findings from the inquiry handed to me, working more hours, feeling like I need to perform my best to impress the team, and a friend is depressed who's now staying at my house.

any tips on winding down at the end of the day? I'm too tired to get to the gym on a work day, I tend to run only on my weekends now. I have a 'get ready for bed' routine, but nothing for the in between time.

[A_Tech]

Dear Bear and Abyss,

That's exactly the same thing that happened to me too. Working in theatre's in a trauma hospital obviously I had quite a few 'special' cases that got to me. One of them was a friend of my dad's that came in when I was on night shift and he needed emergency burr holes for a head injury after falling.

At the time it didn't seem to effect me, but after another couple of years of personal traumatic cases it all builds up.

One innocent day I went to visit dad at work and this man and his family were there. They were so grateful, and his wife was crying saying how I had helped to save his life and their family. I was numb. They all hugged me and couldn't stop thanking me.

I was so touched by their emotion and truely happy to see that the work I did actually helped the way I hoped it did. But at the same time it just felt so weird. I was part of the anaesthetic team, not the surgeon!

I left there feeling very strange. That night so many memories started to come back of some of the cases I pushed deep down. But the flood gates were open. The next day I was in hospital. That was two and a half years ago.

It was definitely the start of the deep decent I took into my dark place with PTSD, but thankfully I am well and truely on the path to recovery now. I'm off two of my meds all together and only have one that I take now. That's a HUGE step for me. And I don't self medicate with alcohol anymore either!! 5 months.

It really is amazing how much we can endure without realising it and then such an innocent event can trigger the worst possible events in our lives.

I do think that our endurance is our key to our survival though. We have all proven to ourselves (right or wrongly) that we can handle so much, so as long as we all keep that knowledge somewhere in the back of our minds as we struggle with PTSD and depression, then we know we have the inner strength to make it though anything. We've done it so many times before, we can do it know when we REALLY need to.

Donna