PTSD/Flashbacks after partner's near fatal accident

[cherrycola]

In November last year my fiance was involved in a motorcycle accident and broke both of his elbows and wrists (his right elbow may be limited for the rest of his life due to the extent of the injuries), had a frontal lobe injury with blood on the brain, blood in his lungs and a few other things. He spent two days in ICU with a tube down his throat and when he woke up in ICU he was barely coherent and in so much pain. He then spent another week in the ICU/HDU before being moved to an orthopaedic ward and having multiple surgeries. When he was in the ICU, I didn't know if he would even remember or be able to say my name when he woke up. He also broke his C7 spine and was close to being paralyzed.

I have been struggling with a few things since then. I get EXTREMELY anxious and panicked when he doesnt respond to my text and calls, have constant memories and flashbacks of what he looked like in the ICU and hospital, and constant thoughts about what might happen to him in the future and what I would do if anything was to transpire. I cannot switch these thoughts off no matter how hard I try. We also lost our cat early this year to a car, and I have overlapping memories of his crushed face too, which then turn into memories of what state my partner must have been in/looked like directly after his accident (I was not on the scene but he was very injured). I also constantly think about what it must have been like for him for the last 6 months as he has dealt with so much pain, suffering and disappointment. He is also struggling with extreme depression and suicidal thoughts which I have to help him through too.

I feel clingy because I now constantly have to talk to my partner when I am away from him so that I know he is still alive. 50% of the time it's not because I miss him, or want to talk to him, I literally need to make sure he is still alive. These thoughts have been invading my head for months now. I already have GAD which I thought was bad previous to this, but now I experience anxiety like I never have before and have started having small panic attacks which are new too. I guess I'm just looking to talk to some people who understand what going through something like this does to you both mentally and physically. I feel like I've only brushed over the depth of this but it's overwhelming to even write about.

[Mares73]

Dear CC (if you don't mind abbreviation)

Thankyou for entrusting us with your experience. It's great you have found your way to Beyond Blue. You will feel cared for & supported on your journey in life.

Im so sorry to hear about the accident & what both you & your partner have endured. Definetly a very traumatic experience. I think you both as individuals need some support with what your going through. Your partner has injuries to work through as well as serious trauma & depression-all understandable. You on the other hand are in a carer role but the strain & worry is naturally affecting you in a different way. Have either of you sought counselling? I detect post traumatic stress in both of you. Yet you need to work through it separately so you can each work on facing your fears etc prior to coming together as a couple.

i hope that makes sense.

We are always here to listen & offer our support.

Hope to hear from you

Mares x

[pipsy]

Hi C.C. Everything Mares73 has said, I fully endorse. Have you considered asking your Dr about a referral to a therapist so you can be prepared for when your partner comes home. He is going to require emotional strength from you, which at the present moment, you're unable to provide due to your own anxiety issues. With PTSD anything can trigger it and when your partner returns, he needs to know you're okay. You may also need to learn how to help him physically, so I would ask the Dr at the hospital about what you can do to prepare for his homecoming. I presume Anglicare or Blue nurses will also have to be made aware in case of injuries that need ongoing care. Do you know how long it will be before he will be coming home? Perhaps you could have a word with the Dr's treating him about what's required at home.

If you need further counselling for your own anxieties, please feel free to call our helpline 24/7. You are not alone in this, we'll assist as much as possible.

Lynda.