PTSD - Confused, I just cant understand why this is destroying me 25 years later???

[Great_Dane]

Hi, I've been a member in these forums for a little while but just find it hard to put into words what's happenning in my life. I had a troubled childhood where I was first hand witness my mothers multiple suicide attempts, but the next day life just seemed to go on. Now some 25 years later I'm a bloody mess, I dream about one incident particularly a lot, I think about it many times a day and I just cant handle anything remotely stressful anymore. At the drop of a hat I get angry and anxious. My days are spent in my house and I leave to drop & pick my kids up from school and thats about it. I can't work, I've been diaganosed with everything from ADHD, Bipolar 2, Depression & Anxiety but now my My Psychiatrist & Psycholigist have diagnosed PTSD but is it right that this can occur 25 years after the event? I had a great career, family and everything was moving along well and then BANG all this stuff started? How can that be? I just don't get it? Am I a wierd case?

[MarkJT]

Kitty, Elizabeth, mykl - by the looks of it we have all traveled on different roads to a PTSD diagnoses but once there we are all pretty much the same.

It was 10 years between my triggering event and my diagnoses with a whole swag of symptoms in between that i just did not recognise. Made a whole lot of sense when i did get diagnosed as then i could put reasoning on why i was feeling such things.

One thing is for sure is that you cannot outrun PTSD and you need to confront it to recover from it. This is why it is so pleasing to read comments about people taking on their thoughts and striving towards positive mental health.

mykl & Kitty, welcome to the forums, it is great that you are among us and I hope that you get something out of it. Just by commenting on a post or posting a new thread, you can be assured that you are having a positive effect on a person.

Mark.

[Guest_829]

its good to read posts from so many differant kinds of people from all sorts of backgrounds and ages.ive heard about this for a while and thought it was something that affected returning servicemen and women.i hope everyone who reads these posts gets something out of them like i do.keep talking people.keep it up because im sure it helps others

[MarkJT]

mykl, you are spot on - yes Emergency Services and the Military are high risk occupations for PTSD but anyone can get it. There is no person who is not susceptible to it, you just have to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and if the moons align, you will show symptoms.

There is more and more media on PTSD now and I am hoping that all of those people who are showing symptoms, ES/ADF or not, will go to their GP's to get checked out.

Mark.

[rustee_nails]

i used to think i understood and i'd even put the words together in my head a decade later

when i realized it was not normal to be beaten so hard that sitting down hurts.

i'd never asked the other kids, i just assumed that's what happened to them at home too.

then twenty years later one day,someone really got thru to me just how far from normal it was.

i cried like i haven't in a long while. but i feel so much better now.

healing takes a lot of work and time.

good luck

[PamelaR]

Hi Great Dane

You are not alone in your situation. The brain is a magnificent organ - it protected me for 45 years from remembering my childhood trauma. My trigger for remembering was when I found out the perpetrators were dead. While I obviously showed signs of PTSD, anxiety and depression throughout my life, it was never diagnosed. Now that I understand, It does, put my life into perspective - NOW. 7 years on from my first memory. I regularly see my GP, I'm on medication for depression, I've had some excellent psychologists throughout this time - different ones for different phases I have gone through. My ex work colleagues (retired 6 months ago) and partner have been totally supportive throughout this time. I continue to work on identifying triggers. Most recently a neighbourhood domestic fight has set me off. All my breathing, exercise is having little effect. I started seeing a new psychologist as my previous one retired - unfortunately she's not a good fit. I need to go back to the GP and see if there is someone else out there for me.

[Croix]

Dear PamelaR~

Welcome here. I can see some similarities in what you have gone though and myself. When I finally had the label of PTSD, which only came after a very long time, many things 'snapped into place' and I got to see them as symptoms, and not just my peculiarities and weaknesses.

I don't know if it of any encouragement but as the distance from the time of the events has gotten larger my reactions have become a lost less harsh and a lot less frequent. Things are just about manageable nowadays.

Like you I had a partner who was a rock, and when she passed away I found another, equally strong. loving and capable. I would not be here without them.

I'm sorry your psych retired and the new one is not for you , it really is important to have the right medical personnel to help you. I've come to the conclusion over very many years that confidence in the practitioner is as important as the type of therapy being given. I'm lucky to have ended up with a pretty good combination but their retirement looms (trying not to think about that 🙂

In passing let me suggest if you want to talk with more folks then making your own thread would be the way to go. This particular thread can be a bit quiet at times, and people seeing a new one of yours would be attracted.

Croix

[PamelaR]

Thank you Croix

Yes, I'd like to make my own thread, but, ummm, I couldn't work out how this was done. I'm sure it's easy peasy. If you can help me out, I ready to get underway with my own thread.

[PamelaR]

LOL, have worked out how to start my own thread....

[Croix]

Dear PamelaR~

I'm glad you worked it out.

Sometimes it can be difficult to find a person's thread, would you like to tell me the thread name and what Section it is in (Anxiety, Depression, PTSD etc)?

Thanks

Croix

[PamelaR]

Hi Croix,

It's under PTSD, titled Living with PTSD for 54 years.