PTSD and alone (trigger warning - sexual abuse)

[AJ05]

I was abused both physically and sexually as a child by a teacher. The "usual things were said to make sure I told no one, including obviously my parents. I was also bought up with the old view that boys dont stand toughen up. Unfortunately this really didnt help.only this year have I found the balls (sorry) to try and get professional help.
I dealt with this from a young age by turning to alcohol and up until 5years ago was nothing short of a full blown alcoholic. This nearly destroyed not only my own life but my marriage and any respect from my 4 boys. This alcohol abuse did however serve its purpose creating enough mayhem and conflict that there wasn't enough space left in my day to think about my trauma. After nearly losing everything I made the decision to get myself into a rehab facility, staying nearly 12months . My life has not been better, I'm 5years sober (I'm 47) and have a good outlook on life. My wife and kids love respect and more importantly to me forgive me.
All great right? Well, since the alcohol is no longer there "serving its purpose " I am constantly tormented with vivid nightmares of what happened from the rape and sexual abuse to spending whole days locked in spaces. My path to recovery seems so long and tormenting I find my self wondering how I'm going to make it through the day.
This has bought me Here. I'm hoping sharing with people might help me lighten my load a bit and keep me going.
Thanks for reading, I'm not after a " poor you " just wanted to write how I'm doin

[Emmen]

Dear AJ05,
"Poor you" is the last thing I'd say. You're an incredibly courageous person, having gone through so much but still having the strength to heal yourself. It takes so much to face these traumatic memories and you've shown so much bravery.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope that by writing this out, you do feel like you've shared your load with us. You didn't deserved the childhood you had, but you have turned your life around and have positive things going on for you in life. Your wife and children must bring you so much joy.
Are you already seeing a psychologist now to help you work through your nightmares? If no, I'd encourage you to do so. You can also check out the Blue Knot Foundation (https://www.blueknot.org.au/). They support adult survivors of childhood trauma and may be able to advise you what other resources there are for you.
Take care,
M

[Ggrand]

Hello AJO5...

i would like to kindly Welcome you to the forums...

We are very sorry that this has happened to you..I went through similar to you did as a child, then through my marriage....

I am very pleased that you have been brave enough to both reach out here and professional help and care as well.Well done..

I won’t lie to you..my life has been hard, but since I started therapy, I’m beginning to feel better about myself and know that what happened to me wasn’t my fault..yes..it will be a long hard journey, but it will be well worth it..

Im pleased that you are now alcohol free..that must have been really hard, it’s a huge step forward AJO5..and you should be very proud of you for managing to do that..

I used to..well still do have nightmares, but not as many now...before bed I listen to a sleep story to get my mind into the beautiful places the reader takes me to...Going to sleep with a calm mind has helped with my sleep..

When your triggered and your mind takes you back to where you don’t want to be..is it possible to do something you like to do..,doing something you like distracts your thoughts onto that..it could be anything at all...music, hobbies, going for a walk with your beautiful sons, playing with them...washing and polishing the car..just something to take your thoughts out of the past and into the now..and what you’re doing..

The most important thing to do for yourself is to be very gentle with you by not being hard on yourself...You are a survivor...I am a survivor...and you deserve to find peace in your life..I hope so much with the right professional care you will find it..

Please talk here anytime you feel up to it..We are listening and we do care..

My kindest thoughts and warmest care...

Grandy..